I’m seeing a lot of posts in my feed about boundaries. And while doing some shadow work, I’ve done a lot of thinking about mine and what I have learned this past year.
Everyone has their own set of boundaries and limits that adhere to their core values. Sometimes core values are a work in progress as people that come into your life will test them. Or sometimes, when you have such a strong chemistry with someone, you may overlook certain values to try and make a connection work. Though, sometimes that is a recipe for a natural disaster.
There is a difference though. Between someone who is a walking red flag, and someone who makes honest mistakes. I said this today on someone else’s post and it really strikes a cord with me.
A person that repeatedly disrespects or ignores your boundaries, does NOT respect or deserve you. However. It’s on you, the other person in the connection, to make it clear from the start what those boundaries are. Relationships, no matter what the dynamic are two way streets.
A person who makes a mistake, or pushes a boundary without knowing it – now that’s different. If the person realizes that they were in the wrong, and does whatever they can to rectify the situation or make amends – it shows that person learned from their errors. In my eyes, that’s a good person. Someone who is willing to do the work and takes lessons away from shitty situations. Someone who strives not to hurt others. That’s a person I’d value as a friend and would be honored to have in my life.
We’re human. We’re all going to make mistakes from time to time. It’s what you take away from the situation that makes you a better person. It’s taking lessons and working hard not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Even if it means taking some time to yourself – to work on yourself. To figure out what your core values are. And what you will and won’t accept in your life.
Some lessons we have to learn the hard way. And in doing so, when one door closes, sometimes it opens another and makes room for new people to come into your life. New friendships form. New opportunities to learn from each other happen. And sometimes you can reconcile with past partners or friends. And sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you just have to learn to let go.
For me. I know what my boundaries are now. I have a clear and set expectation from future partners and connections. It’s up to me – to communicate those clearly to new friends and potential partners.
If I’ve done something wrong, and I’m not told about it, how the hell am I supposed to learn from my mistakes? That’s not fair either.
Communication is key. Without that, all else fails. That’s my #1 boundary and expectation going forward.
2 thoughts on “Boundaries and expectations in new relationships”
Super interesting! I wrote a piece as well about some first relationship advice; perhaps it would be interesting to you!
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This wasn’t about first relationships, but new relationship energy and establishing boundaries with new partners. Best of luck.