All posts by Charmeine

spiritual, writing

February mid-month update

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It’s mid month already and time seems to be moving really fast this year. It didn’t seem like that long ago when I was crying myself to sleep at night and in an utter state of despair an depression, but here we are – and I’m feeling pretty good emotionally. Don’t get me started on my physical symptoms. January was a rough month with bronchitis and migraines.

My sleep schedule is back on track and I’ve been waking up anywhere from 7:00 am to 9:00 am most mornings. Opting to get out bed earlier to make the most of the day. I don’t remember the last time I had a nap and sleep seems to be getting better at night – though last night, I was awake until almost 2:00 am. So, the insomnia is still there too. But it’s slowly getting better.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up today, was that it was dark in my condo yet, it wasn’t pitch black outside. There isn’t much sun today, that doesn’t seem to matter – it means the days are getting longer. The nights are still long with sunsets starting around 5:40 – but soon. Very soon, we’ll see the sun setting even later.

Our weather has been unusually warm and I’ve made the most of those sunny days. While I haven’t left my condo in over two weeks due to bronchitis, I’ve used the balcony several times and that felt good. There were even a couple of days where I didn’t need a jacket. It’s supposed to get cold this week but then back to spring-like temperatures. We can only hope that maybe, the worst of winter is over. But we always get a few more surprise snow dumps before spring.

I’m looking forward to Spring Equinox this year and am planning a big ritual for myself. If the weather cooperates, maybe I’ll even get outdoors for a walk. I’m hoping to actually go walking this year and make the most of the trails near me. I miss it.

River Valley 2013

Spirituality

Devoting myself to one practice has been like a spiritual awakening of sorts. I’ve done the hard part of shadow work and am still focusing on healing – both physically and emotionally. This is making room for new friendships and I’ve already built another family online. True, they live all the way down in California. But we talk often and are supportive of each other. These people have been with me the last year and are becoming very special to me. Friends. Family. They’re teaching me about compersion, which I will write in a separate post.

I’m learning to incorporate spiritual practices into daily life and it is helping overall. Not so much with energy, but moods. I meditate, have herbal baths every other day, using Tarot, and doing rituals once a week. I’m also filling my days with learning and watching other videos as much as possible. I just want to learn as much as I can and share that knowledge with you.

The next big ritual will be on March 07 for the full moon and then Ostara, or Spring Equinox, on March 19-20. For that one, I’d like to get outside if the weather is agreeable.

I can’t wait until I can spend my evenings on the balcony again. My rug had an accident and needs some stain removal care – water stains from the snow and I tried to clean it with baking soda that is now a big mess. That is a project for next month. I need to wash it down completely too. I think if I have to move next year – for raising the rent, I might move ten minutes further south to be closer to the parks and trails.

Fitness and health

I’m back to working out daily and eating healthy again. Cooking two or three meals a week. I can’t do more than that, because I tend to have lots of leftovers. My freezer is jam packed. I am shopping around for a bigger freezer so I can batch cook for summer months, when it’s too hot to turn the oven on. I have good energy today and plan to make the most of the day. I also have a doctor’s appointment later, and really need to see my dad. I’m down a few pounds since Christmas but the more I exercise, the more muscle I’m putting back on so the scale isn’t budging. But, my clothes are starting to fit better and I have a little more energy. So far, no migraine this week and that’s a good thing.

Good Reads

My Good Reads challenge is going very slowly. I’ve started a few books but have been unable to finish them. I think it’s mostly my attention span. I’m currently reading an interesting book about a detective who solves murders because she can see the crimes they’ve committed when she touches them. Sort of like Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis. I’m trying to read a little bit every day and am running out of time to finish the book.

I’m also flipping back and forth between this book, The Green Witch which is more of a text book, and another book by Colleen Hoover which I just cannot get into.

The Gift is available on Kindle Unlimited which is where I read most of my books these days.

Detective Grace is a small town detective that solves murder mysteries using her gifts.

Project Updates

As for writing my own book, I have 150 pages done but am stuck on editing. I know where I want the story to go but it’s the filler details I’m having a hard time with, that and vocabulary. I realized my first attempt at the book had too many story lines for the length it was. So, I’m trying to do more of a character build up and give background stories.

It’s a lot more work and creating a timeline is a challenge in itself. I understand now why authors tend to use outlines. I’m pouring a lot of myself into the main character and it’s been quite cathartic. I’m also trying not to do too much daily or wear myself out. Otherwise, I can get lost for hours.

Stay tuned for further updates. I’m looking for beta readers and editors for this political fueled drama, filled with supernatural themes and the spicy kinky stuff too.

I reopened my Etsy store and have made one sale. I don’t expect to make a lot of money selling digital downloads. Mainly, if I could just earn some hobby cash – enough to to pay for my many addictions like building my an altar, and also – paying for food. Disability pays just enough for the basics. So even if I can just cover the costs of these websites and fees – and software upgrades, I’d be a happy camper. That said, I do have an Amazon wish list if you’d like to buy me gifts 🙂

My altar so far. It needs some greenery, and I wish I had shelves. The desk belonged to my grandfather and passed it down to my mother. So, it already represents ancestral heritage.

My friends in California already bought me something from the wish list and I can’t wait to get it in the mail! I’m creating spiritual themed posters for Etsy, so definitely check that out.

Anyway, I think that’s it in a nutshell. Feeling a lot better after bronchitis and I think the worst is over. Hopefully I can have a few good days of this energy, get caught up on some cleaning, shopping, see my dad. And visit with some friends. There’s also a Witchy flea market this weekend that I really hope I can get to. Maybe on Sunday after volunteering.

On that note, ciao for now, and have a great week!

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mindfulness, relationships

Be your authentic self and your people will find you

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The sun is shining and it’s going to be a beautiful day where I live – which is nice as the past couple of days have been dreary outside and we had a lot of snow the other night.

I’ve been trying to rack my brain for content this week and nothing is coming to me. So, I’m going to get a bit personal.

Recently, I had a fallout with some people that really hurt. And while I recognize my part in it, I definitely do not feel the actions received from others were warranted. It led me to a path of self-reflection and shadow work which I’m now finally coming out of and seeing the world in a new light. I’m also trying to recognize negative aspects of myself and working on shedding those too, to make for a brighter future and healthier relationships.

I promise I’m not obsessed with it – I take it as a learning opportunity in what not to do for next time.

I’ve already touched briefly on what mirroring behaviors look like in a recent post, so for this post, I’ll stick to what was discussed yesterday with my therapist.

Social Media Friends

When it comes to Fetlife, I make friends pretty fast. I’m a flirt, and post a lot of different types of content from art, memes, and journal writings. That content is how I met the majority of Fetlife friends – and some friends in real life too.

But when you’re a “sparkling” personality, people see your shine and want to dim it for whatever reason. Maybe they are jealous. Or maybe they want to be like you and get the same kind of attention. So, they start copying or mirroring your image.

The thing about posting on social media, is that people only see snippets of your life. They might not like what they see. And sometimes, people only share the positives and good times to boost themselves up. Not a bad way to do it either.

Part of my kinky personality is being a brat (to those friends who are consenting) and to those in general that wish to participate. It’s all in good fun. Brats get a bit of a bad rep as there are those who take it too far and cross boundaries.

With me, I tend to get people hyped up and they get in on the fun. It’s provided a lot of great laughs. And helped to form relationships quickly.

Unfortunately, there’s a caveat.

When life stops being all fun and games

When it comes to fickle friends, they thrive on attention from others. The kind of attention that gives them dopamine rushes and makes them feel good. So, when you stop providing them that attention and focus on you – you’re called all kinds of names.

Or worse – you’re dropped and replaced by the next shiny thing that comes along, who will provide them the attention they need. They latch onto other people like leeches.

I had one friend that did this and it got to the point where she would message me all night on Discord and I had to mute her notifications, to get some sleep.

When life stops being fun and you request to take time to yourself, or you are working through health issues – you find out quickly, who your real friends are. They are the ones that stand by you unconditionally. And they are the type that will reach out to you to check in on how you’re doing, or offer an ear when needed.

For me, sure, I love the attention. Always have. At least the good kind of attention and not the creeps that come surfing by. But I never act out of malice or with ill intentions.

Stay true to who you are, your people will find you

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve found that spark again. The spark I thought I’d lost forever. I realized how much I changed myself for the play partners in my life and how much I muted my personality too.

And now, I’ve said… fuck that.

I’m going to be my authentic self. Unapologetically, so. If people have an issue with the content that I post, that’s not my problem. They’re happy to unfollow, unfriend, or scroll on by like I do. And let me tell you – there is a lot of crap that you have to scroll on by on Fetlife.

And I think that sometimes scares people who a) refuse to take accountability for their actions. And b) people who aren’t ready to do the inner work themselves. Or maybe they aren’t willing to admit they need it.

Does that make them bad people?

Not necessarily.

But it does become toxic when people demand certain energy from you like “good vibes only” or “no negativity.” That gets old, really fast. I find with those people, you never really know who you are dealing with.

For me, I’m a realist and that often gets seen as negative. I’ve had to be in my life when dealing with chronic illnesses. Sometimes, life is what it is and other times, you make the most of what you’ve got.

My unsolicited advice for the day:

Just be you. Those who get it, will love you for it. And those that don’t, let them leave. You will be better for it. And life will become better.

Have you ever had someone in your life mirror your actions or copy your behaviours to gain your attention? If so, how did the relationship turn out for you?

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mindfulness, spiritual, youtube

Cozy cottages & fairytale dreamers : YouTube recommendations

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Every month, I think I’m going to share some of my favorite content creators here with you. My YouTube algorithm finally has gotten to know my preferences, and I’m discovering new artists daily.

Every morning when feeling well, I start my day with a cup of coffee and breakfast. I’ll sit down to watch the latest videos from my favorite channels. And for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been hooked on a certain aesthetic and vibe.

Think cozy cottage and fairytale vibes.

These videos are so calming that it just starts my day off right.

Darling Desi

Desi is a content creator and filmmaker that lives in Utah, at least up until her most recent video in February 2023. Her channel was created in 2019 and she covers a variety of topics.

If you’re a fan of my blog, then I think you will enjoy her videos. She’s an avid reader and a fan of Canadian novels like Anne of Green Gables. She covers topics from anxiety, selfcare, to daily life as an artist.

Alwyn Oak

This channel is a new discovery for me and I’m in love with the overall vibe of her videos. Alywyn is a practicing witch and films many of her videos outdoors. She loves exploring nature, cooking, baking and crafting. She’s also a composer and shares her original music from time to time while celebrating Sabbats or other holidays.

Alywyn often shares ideas on how to celebrate the Pagan Sabbats or spiritual holidays. I find her ideas to be really inspiring for my own celebrations as a practicing witch. She also has videos dedicated to selfcare, rituals and healing practices.

Moss & Mirth

The creator of Moss & Mirth lives in an organic garden sanctuary that she describes as hidden in the trees of a rainy magical forest. Her videos give off a magical sort of vibe as she works on hand crafts or home projects.

Moss & Mirth is a smaller channel with just 345 subscribers, so do check out her videos if you get a chance. I’m all about supporting other artists that share their work and ideas.

Poetry of Slow Life

Daria is a self described cottage daydreamer that lives in the English countryside. Her channel has been active since 2015 and she has just over 20,000 subscribers. This is another great channel that goes for the cozy vibe and focuses on cozy cottage and slow living life.

The Cottage Fairy

I know that I’ve already plugged this channel in a previous post, but this is honestly one of my favorite channels to binge on those dreary days when you might be moving a little slower.

Endy is a talented artist and illustrator that lives in a cozy cottage in the Washington State. She’s an artist, and also rents out properties that she decorates for holidays and special occasions. She’s also an avid reader and I love her book recommendations.

She posts new content weekly and covers a variety of topics from selfcare, anxiety, mental wellness and mindfulness. I love her videos so much, and as someone with anxiety, I really find I connect with her way of thinking as well.

moonology, spiritual

Snow Moon Rituals Feb 05, 2023: replenish your energy

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This Sunday, we will experience the second full moon of the year. It is called the Snow Moon and holds spiritual significance for those who practice Moonology.

Snow Moon origins

The name Snow Moon dates back to the mid-1700s when Captain Jonathan Carver visited Naudowessie and chose the name because of the amount of snow that would fall in the area during that month.

Names for moon phases typically had connections to animals, which makes the Snow Moon more unique. Other names used for this moon include Hungry Moon and Bony Moon – giving a nod to lack of natural food sources available due to harsh winter climates.

The name Snow Moon also comes from Native Americans, Celtic and Nordic Paganism, and Colonial America.

Spiritual significance

The Snow Moon for February 05, 2023, falls in the sign of Leo which can aid in manifesting positivity and good energy. If you’ve been experiencing mental health issues like depression or anxiety, now is the time to focus on meditation, relaxation and practice the art of selfcare.

February 01-02 marked the sixth week of winter which means the days are a little longer and the moon rises a little later in the day. The weather is still bitterly cold in some areas and many people choose to travel to escape to warmer climates. Many people experience spring fever – I know I am. I’m so ready for winter to be over.

Spiritual focus

This time of year reminds us that if there is one constant thing in life, it is change. The weather changes so often in the northern hemisphere that it can seem like we experience seemingly all season on some days.

Imbolc, renewal and reusable energy

Imbolc is practiced from February 01 to February 07 in some cultures, and this is a good time to be mindful of what you use in your daily life and how much you waste. If you’re an environmentally friendly person, you may want to consider adopting practices such as recycling, renewing products or donating those items that may be collecting space in your home. The same goes for energy – both in our homes and our bodies.

This time of year, I often get into batch cooking and store food for the upcoming months. I will make things like soups, stews and chilis and freeze the leftovers. I use glass jars and food containers in an effort to waste less food which is a challenge as a single person. Being mindful of food waste is an important practice and gives nods to our ancestors who had to scavenge and hunt for food during long winter months where resources were barren.

In summary

if you want to work with the full moon energy this month, now is the perfect time to work on boosting up your own energy. Be creative. Practice selfcare. Do things that bring you comfort and joy – even if for 10 or 15 minutes each day. Meditate. Practice gratitude.

You will see positive changes if you incorporate these things into your daily life. I say this as someone coming out of a dark depressive episode who is finally feeling more like myself.

Work with what you have. You don’t need to go out and spend money on items. These are just suggestions to help you learn more about Moonology and spiritual practices. Find what works for you!

Ritual suggestions for boosting positivity

  • Brew herbal tea or calming tea before bed, light a candle while you drink it and listen to uplifting music
  • Meditate and focus on your intentions for the month
  • Practice gratitude and make a list of things you are grateful for
  • Charge your crystals and altar items by the light of the full moon if safe to do so.
  • Get creative – make something by hand, write poetry, paint a picture or build something new
  • Have a healing bath — see recipe below!

Correspondences and items you may use

  • Colors or candles: yellow, gold or orange
  • Crystals for positivity: tiger eye, aventurine, amethyst, rose quartz, malachite, clear quartz, blue lace agate
  • Planet association: the sun
  • Incense: patchouli, lemongrass or rosemary/rose, or sage for protection
  • Oils: lemongrass, orange or sage
  • Herbs or flowers for positivity and energy: rosemary, calendula, basil, spearmint, dandelion, honeysuckle, nettle, patchouli, lemongrass
  • Herbal teas: peppermint, chamomile, calming tea, green tea, lemon balm

Next month: March 07 – Snow Moon

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spiritual

Sleep paralysis and shadow people

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Sleep paralysis, simply described, is when messages sent from the brain as you wake up from sleep, get “stuck” somewhere down your neuro path. It is thought that it’s a temporary disconnection from the brain and spinal cord. The key word, being temporary. It usually only lasts seconds or moments when it happens but can feel like hours. Time is greatly distorted during episodes.

Symptoms include hallucinations, body jerks (hypnojerks), being frozen in fear, weird smells and strong auditory hallucinations, and even if that wasn’t terrifying enough… continue reading for what it was really like for me.

Commonly associated with sleep disorders like insomnia, sleep paralysis is quite has been reported around the globe. Other related conditions include: migraines, seizures, Parkinsons Disease, and dementia.

Beliefs around the globe

Many people around the globe who live with chronic sleep paralysis report seeing shadow people either in their bed or in the room with them. Yep. You read that correctly. Most commonly, people see the Hat Man.

There have been different types of sleep paralysis reported and connected to spiritual beliefs. These include intruder hallucinations, incubus hallucinations, vestibular and motor hallucinations.

I have now experienced all three of these sleep paralysis types and each one was truly horrific in its own way.

Some cultures believe that sleep paralysis is a spiritual experience and caused by visitations from shadow beings or demons.

The Old Hag being one of the more famous of the sleep demons as depicted in the image below (credit Google search). Other names for these creatures are Jinn (Demons), Pisadeira (Brazil), Night-mare (Europe) and Lilitu (Mesopotamia).

One of the early depictions of sleep paralysis was found from 1684 in the Incubus or the Night-mare written by a Dutch physician. Though there are cases that have been documented for centuries around the globe including South East Asian communities.

Most notably, there was a documented case in the Philippines, in a village called (that I cannot find for the life of me) – where many villagers died from what was believed to be sleep paralysis.

Science would explain the death of these healthy people to be sudden arrhythmic death syndrome.

But when it happens to an entire village, it makes you stop and ponder. IS there really something to this, that science cannot explain?

The Hooded Figure / Hat Man

For me, my first time, I saw a hooded figure hover over my bed that had no face. And I was wide awake when it happened. I just couldn’t move.

First time it happened, it was over as quickly as it began. I was going through a bad period in life and had been sick for a long time. Doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Everyone knows by now here I suffer from really bad insomnia. This past summer was up to 200 hours. That fall, I was around the 100 mark of no sleep. Grabbing only quick power naps during the day. It got so bad, that I wanted to die. Until after my sleep paralysis experience, I had five weeks of iron infusions that turned things around.

In that first episode, I fell asleep with the light on for only moments on my back. The smell of something burning jolted me awake. Then I heard all the bones and joints in my body BREAK. And it felt like it too. Like I sunk back into the bed from the air. Everything hurt. I flew out of bed not understanding what had just happened.

The next time it happened was a couple of nights later. This was almost 10 years ago in the fall of 2013. Weird.

I was in a lot of pain, and had just about given up. It felt like something was in the room with me all night. I’m sensitive in that sense too to strange energies. It felt like something was lurking. And later that night, around 2 in the morning, I finally passed out. And woke up suddenly. Frozen in bed. Unable to move. Unable to scream. Unable to do anything.

But I was WIDE awake and coherent and knew what was happening around me. It was the single most horrifying experience of my adult life. And I’ve had weird experiences over the years.

The hooded figure came out of the corner of the room near my bed. It moved with grace and stood over me. Reached out its hand, and then that’s when the episode broke. I flew out of bed, landing on the floor, tripping over the comforter. Ran over to the light switch and turned it on.

Sure enough, I was on my own.

That’s the night I learned about sleep paralysis and it would be a subject I would become obsessed with. Then it didn’t happen again for years until last night. My insomnia is back and sleep is shit.

The fear I felt in that moment when I woke up from a dead of sleep. It was the sound of knocking in the walls that did it. The heater has been going crazy. I know it’s the heater and not a demon in the walls at least. But still. I woke up. Couldn’t move.

I can’t begin to describe the amount of fear that took over my body in that moment. I had no idea what day it was. What time it was. Where I was.

I’m writing to this to hear other people’s experiences with sleep paralysis. What was your worst experience like? How often do you get it? And what do you do to make it go away?

Want to learn more about sleep paralysis? Here are some noteworthy documentaries. Also, if you’re looking for some spooky movies that cover the topic – Doctor Sleep and Shadow People are entertaining.

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mindfulness, self development

So, I might be neurodivergent?

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I’ve been wondering this for a while now. My struggles with attending community events or even being in public in general. Never used to be this way. In my 20’s, I was a fairly social creature. I went to all the events I could afford or travel to. Now, I maybe go to five a year.

A conversation this morning online has me questioning it yet again. I also completed the Myers-Brigg personality test and scored the rarest score – INFP – highly introverted and intuitive. The discussion connected INFP types to neurodivergents and well, it got me thinking.

My therapist diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder last year at a DSM level 5. Symptoms were exasperated by my employer. One of the catalysts that sent me into disability life. One of many reasons. I’m getting used to it.

I’m a gen X’er. Which means, we didn’t talk about mental health issues when we were kids. My mother repeatedly threatened to send me to therapy because I spent so much time alone as a kid in my room reading. I couldn’t read enough. I’ve always been a recluse, a hermit and loner. Friendships are hard for me at times. The other excuse was that my siblings were buttheads and there was a lot of bullying in the household.

They still kind of are at times. I only engage with them about issues with my dad, or my brand new baby niece who I am in love with.

But the bullying was traumatizing both physical and emotional. Emotional damage for years that would even induce nightmares about haunted dolls, and clowns.

Anyway…shudder. I don’t need those dreams.

We didn’t talk about mental health issues. I’m only now just connecting the dots through shadow work and her detailed journals, that my mother struggled with high functioning anxiety and depression too. There was a lot of stress in the house. And I would grow up to later have cortisol issues which causes fight or flight mode. On a loop. It’s exhausting.

So, why do I think I might be neurodivergent?

Well, we didn’t have terms like this when I was involved in the scene many years ago. I’m learning new terms all the time. And more neuro type folks that I met and befriended, the more I went… Huh.

And then I had a lightbulb moment.

Am I neurodivergent?

Let’s see how many behaviors apply to me. My therapist would cringe at this. She hates when people self-diagnose themselves.

Struggling to read and write – no. But holding a pen or pencil is painful for me. Most written communication is on the computer for that reason.

Clumsiness? Shit yeah, you should see the bruises on my legs.

Hard to cope with crowds, bright lights, noise, physical sensations? Yes! Even the sound of crunching snow under my feet drives me crazy.

Difficulties focusing? Can’t sit still? I mean, there’s a reason I’m on fetlife a lot these days. Distraction.

No smiling? Or social responsiveness? To a point. I do better 1 to 1 or in really small group settings where I know the people well. I attended a group event this fall and sat there literally chewing my fingernails. The anxiety about saying the wrong thing was surreal. And it was a small and intimate group.

Personality traits: I am sometimes blunt but don’t meant to be rude or hurtful. People don’t like that much. I mask when needed but I hate doing it. I’ve always kind of done my own thing and often don’t fit into communities.

When it came to school, I was never a good student. Classes bored me. I learned way too late in life that I learned better by actually DOING things. Math and science – my brain couldn’t compute. But language, music, arts, crafts, were my jam. Areas where I could express myself freely.

ADHD is also linked to hypermobility which is the main cause behind my chronic pain and injuries. Same with anxiety. Constant fight or flight mode. Throw in insomnia and other issues too. Sometimes I’m not fun to be around.

So, am I neurodivergent or is it something else? I don’t know. But the more people I interact with who are – it seems, the better we tend to get along and make friends fast with. I guess time will only tell.

What’s your neurodivergent story? How did you get diagnosed?

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depression, living well

A day in the life of chronic pain

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It’s Wednesday today and I thought I would take a break from articles and share some personal tidbits about my daily life. What it’s like being on disability and how I cope with having too much time and not enough to fill in the hours.

My mornings start by waking up anywhere between 7:30 am and 9:00 am. Sometimes I linger in bed and read or watch Tik-Tok. It depends on how bad the pain is in my knees, or how much sleep I got the night before.

Next, I make my coffee and breakfast. Lately, breakfast consists of two pieces of toast, some jam, and a piece of fruit. Sometimes I’ll make eggs for added protein.

While sipping coffee, I hop onto youtube and catch up on my subscribed videos. Today, I’m watching my favorite witchy channels about celebrating Imbolc. I’m currently watching The Cottage Fairy who also suffers from anxiety and is an introvert. These are the people that I’m drawn to. Her videos are calming and soup for the soul.

Then I spent some time responding to emails, and catch up with friends on social media sites. Sometimes this goes on for too long and before I know it – it’s almost noon.

Today, I’m getting lost in the YouTube algorithm of Fairytale cottages and dream homes. What I wouldn’t give to live in a rural place like this.

I’ll take a break, exercise, do my stretches, maybe sit outside if it’s a nice warm day. It’s been too cold and windy for this lately. Or I’ll do some tidying up in the kitchen. Today, I need to take out the garbage. Later, I’ll see my dad.

Every couple of weeks, I order in groceries and will spend an afternoon in the kitchen doing food prep and plan meals for the week. I’m trying to get better at using up all the food in my fridge before shopping again. I’m also trying to grow some of my own herbs. Because every penny counts.

Afternoons vary. Sometimes I’ll have a nap if I was up all night due to insomnia. Sometimes I’ll write or work on blog posts. Sometimes I’ll stream music and work on art. It really just depends on how I’m feeling.

My hands have lost dexterity, so I don’t work on crafts nearly as much as I’d like. Arthritis is often a crippling disease.

Evenings are sometimes the worst when you live alone. I used to entertain weekly or sometimes twice a week. It gave me motivation to keep my condo clean. It gave me something to look forward to. I’ll get to that again in the spring once I’m social again. For now, the isolation is needed.

I’ll do more reading in bed, or stream my favorite shows. Or watch movies. Or hop onto Discord and chat with new friends. Or twitter to chat with local friends. Sometimes I’ll order in dinner. Sometimes I’ll get the fireplace going.

Other times I have a very long bath which helps with the chronic pain and sore muscles. And every night, I try and get into my office and do a Tarot reading. Sometimes I’ll work on meditation and intentions. Sometimes I’ll write in my journal.

I’m looking forward to longer days. Where I can sit outside and read again. Or have a nap on the sofa. Or entertain friends for drinks. Or just go for walks again without worrying about ice.

I do what I can as pain allows for it. Pain rules my life but it doesn’t define my life. I do the best I can.

This blog — has kept me going through dark times. And now, I love the direction it’s heading in and the content I’m working on. I’m excited to share this new chapter of my life with you.

Thank you for being here with me.

If you’re on disability or medical retirement – what do you do to pass the time?

home living, spiritual

Spring decor for welcoming positive energy into your home and banishing the negative

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Something I’d like to work on this year as it comes up to the third year of living in this condo – my how time flies – is to brighten things up in my living room and bedroom and make it more “homey”.

In addition to that, I want to make my home welcoming to guests, and ward off negative energy that might be attached to visitors, or might come in unexpectedly through spiritual practices.

Because I’m medically retired and am home most of the time, it’s important that my condo feels cozy. Especially on those days I might need more of an energy lifter.

Energy and the home

My beliefs about spirits and energy are open ended. Meaning, I have had experiences I cannot explain. Mostly based on feelings and getting the sense that I am not alone. Dream experiences that come true later on. And visitations from deceased relatives.

Some of the energy that comes around is warm, comforting and familiar. Sometimes I think that might be a spirit guide or relative coming to say hello. Other times, the energy is heavy and unwanted. I don’t get scared very often, but sometimes residual energy can be really heavy and impact your overall mood and well being.

So, something I’m looking to do is just brightening up my living space. I’m hoping to hit garage sales this spring and might be time to hit the thrift stores too.

I thought I would share some ideas with you and items that I really would like to pick up – when finances allow for it. I’d also like to try and craft things like a lunar wreath.

Budget friendly ideas are welcome and appreciated.

Door and window charms

Some witches or wiccans like to hang bells and charms on their doors. I read once that welcome mats are a bad idea as they can welcome something into your home that you don’t want to invite in. Same with if you hear knocking at your door – but there’s no one there. Don’t open it please!

https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/EcosidesStore?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=1276686630

The Green Witch is one of my go-to resources now for new ideas and inspiration. Here is one of her videos on making your own door charm. You can learn more about color and flower correspondences to use for protection.

Decorative wall art and objects

I love this lunar wreath and have it saved to my favorites. I’m searching for similar items to hand in my bedroom. Mostly because it’s a gorgeous piece of art. The moon has always been a fascination and I’d love to bring in pieces that represent the magic and beauty of the moon.

https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/PeacefullMoon?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=1314331631

Dried flower or herbal wreath

I’ve been searching high and low for wreaths for my living room. Non-Christmas wreaths are quite expensive and I’m very specific in what I’m looking for. I love chamomile, rose and lavender. But there are other wreaths you can hang for protection in your home too. You can buy them from any crafting store, or you can learn to make them yourself.

Some flowers that are good for protection include yarrow, witch hazel, St. John’s wort, wildflower, malva, verbascum and baptisia. Some of these are very hard to find depending on where you are in the world.

https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/BreedloveAndBlossom?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=1397532529

Printable Artwork

I’m getting back into making printable artwork and will be selling the prints on Etsy as time allows for it. You can easily make your own prints using programs like Canva which has a free (but limited) plan.

I’m starting to collect poems, chants or spells that I really like and am putting them onto decorative backgrounds. If you have a good printer, you can print from home – or send to a company like VistaPrint or London Drugs if you’re in Canada.

This design is something I created using Canva. I also am an artist who uses Corel Painter and have created many pieces that I’d love to see printed up on canvas and hang on my walls. Something I really need to get done soon!

Diffuser oils, incense and candles

If you rent your home, you may want to check with your management company or landlord before burning incense or using oils. Some people do have allergies to scented oils so keep that inmind.

I absolutely love candles and this is part of the Danish lifestyle “Get Hygge with it” in making your home cozy. I always keep a candle lit when working with Tarot, casting spells, or even having a bath.

Candles create an ambiance and just help with overall protection and relaxation. It’s great for anxiety and just so pretty!!

You can buy scented candles or regular candles it’s up to you. I know LED candles are a thing – but I do prefer using real candles.

https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/GeodeCrystalz?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=1078376337

Spring is coming!

Are you excited for spring like I am? Only six more weeks left of winter and I am counting the days. Looking for ideas and inspiration to brighten up my home.

I have a mini indoor garden that I am slowly working on. I have spring onions and celery growing in my window. I’ll plant them soon and share the results. It’s too early to plant outdoors – usually can’t do that until end of April. So, hoping to plant more herbs and buy flowers soon!

What ideas did you love in this post? Let me know in the comments!

https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/AasC5270vJhe47wQd2pQK_WGoUSQQ6vqTvNQ69hn13ANRBL9FGIhK3M/

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Pagan Celebrations: February 01-02: Imbolc (Candlemas)

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On February 01 to sundown on February 02, Pagans celebrate what is known as Imbolc or Candlemas. Imbolc, which is based on Celtic traditions, was used as a marker of the halfway point between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox.

This holiday isn’t just limited to Pagans, it is also widely appreciated by Wiccans, Witches and other spiritual folk around the world. More commonly so in European countries.

For many, they honor the longer days. Gone are the short days of winter. The sun arrives a little earlier in the morning and tends to last a little longer too. Here in Alberta, it’s no longer dark at 5 pm which is a nice change.

Imbolc Origins

There are many legends of what are thought to be the origins of Imbolc. The Celts of Britain and Ireland honor Pagan Goddess Brigid, who was one of the most powerful of Gods. She had two sisters of the same name, though some speculate that the three sisters symbolize different aspects of Brigid.

There are myths about Brigid as well. Some say that she was born with a flame in hand and drank the milk of a mystical cow from the astral world.

Keening is associated with Brigid which is traditional wailing that is practiced at Irish and Scottish funerals.

Imbolc Traditions

Imbolc begins on Feb 01 and ends at sundown on Feb 02. People worshipped and showed devotion to Brigid by decorating their homes with a hand crafted effigy using oats and rushes which was then placed in a dress and basket overnight. Burning lamps, candles and/or bonfires were also used for tributes to Brigid.

In modern times, Imbolc is pretty low key. I know in the Lutheran Churches, they celebrate what is known as Candlemas. Some Wiccans opt to celebrate at a later date when weather is more appropriate.

Modern day rituals might include a bonfire to celebrate Brigid, or fire rituals. If you don’t have access to a bonfire, you may wish to light candles instead.

February 02 is also known as Groundhog Day which if you’ve seen the movie with Bill Murray, you know what it means.

Imbolc Intentions

The word Imbolc is defined as a new stirring of life or as I say often, a new beginning. Goddess Brigid is known for fertility, guardian of home and hearth, and fire.

Since Imbolc marks the halfway point between Winter and Spring, this may be a good time to work an indoor garden or plant herbs. Some herbs that grow well indoors include sage, mint, chives, and my favorite, spring onions.

If you are trying to become pregnant, Goddess Brigid is associated with fertility and Imbolc would be the perfect time to be intimate with your partner.

Image credit: https://images.theabcdn.com/i/38882996/600×600/c

Other ideas for Imbolc

  • Spring cleaning, decluttering, reorganizing home
  • Do a Tarot or Rune reading, or have someone do one for you
  • Get crafty and work with organic items like wheat, or wood, parchment paper, wool or anything you can get your hands on.
  • Start a new project or revisit something you’ve been working on
  • Cook a light dinner that involves breads, cheese, fruit and vegetables
  • Plan some intimacy with your partner – Frigid can bring fertility if you’re trying to have a baby.

Candles, herbs and other tools

  • Flowers or herbs: Chamomile, Lavender, Snowdrop, Iris, Heather
  • Herbs: Bay, Angelica, Vanilla, Basil, Rosemary
  • Herbal tea: Chamomile, Rosemary, Lavender
  • Essential oils: Lavender, Rose
  • Incense: Lavender, Rose, Vanilla
  • Crystals: Amethyst, Onyx, Turquoise
  • Foods: Bread, Cake, White Meats (chicken ,pork), Seeds
  • Candles: green, pink or yellow and rub with oil

Prayer for Imbolc

I wrote this on a whim today after watching another witch on YouTube. I love this idea and I think I will do this for every Sabbat that comes up.

Blessed be!

Thank you for reading. What are your plans for Imbolc? Make sure to check my “Spiritual” page for more Sabbat ideas & rituals.

Spiritual Practice

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Correction: Imbolc is on Wednesday. This post was scheduled, and listed a day early.

mindfulness, spiritual

I did not expect to cry over this video message

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Jonna Jinton is an artist and content creator from northern Sweden. I first discovered her when searching for videos about my “home country” – Denmark. The beauty in her videos is what turned me into a fan. She’s also a musician and a bit of a humanitarian and has won awards.

I did NOT expect to cry over this video message. If you have an hour and need some uplifting messages today…. watch this please. She collected videos from people around the globe and just wow. She received thousands of videos from her fans which now reach over 4 million.

“You have a reason to be here”

“The true religion is kindness. Let’s just be kind to each other.”

Trust me. It’s worth a watch.

And trust me – you will need tissues. I am bawling over this.

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