Category Archives: depression

depression, living well

A day in the life of chronic pain

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It’s Wednesday today and I thought I would take a break from articles and share some personal tidbits about my daily life. What it’s like being on disability and how I cope with having too much time and not enough to fill in the hours.

My mornings start by waking up anywhere between 7:30 am and 9:00 am. Sometimes I linger in bed and read or watch Tik-Tok. It depends on how bad the pain is in my knees, or how much sleep I got the night before.

Next, I make my coffee and breakfast. Lately, breakfast consists of two pieces of toast, some jam, and a piece of fruit. Sometimes I’ll make eggs for added protein.

While sipping coffee, I hop onto youtube and catch up on my subscribed videos. Today, I’m watching my favorite witchy channels about celebrating Imbolc. I’m currently watching The Cottage Fairy who also suffers from anxiety and is an introvert. These are the people that I’m drawn to. Her videos are calming and soup for the soul.

Then I spent some time responding to emails, and catch up with friends on social media sites. Sometimes this goes on for too long and before I know it – it’s almost noon.

Today, I’m getting lost in the YouTube algorithm of Fairytale cottages and dream homes. What I wouldn’t give to live in a rural place like this.

I’ll take a break, exercise, do my stretches, maybe sit outside if it’s a nice warm day. It’s been too cold and windy for this lately. Or I’ll do some tidying up in the kitchen. Today, I need to take out the garbage. Later, I’ll see my dad.

Every couple of weeks, I order in groceries and will spend an afternoon in the kitchen doing food prep and plan meals for the week. I’m trying to get better at using up all the food in my fridge before shopping again. I’m also trying to grow some of my own herbs. Because every penny counts.

Afternoons vary. Sometimes I’ll have a nap if I was up all night due to insomnia. Sometimes I’ll write or work on blog posts. Sometimes I’ll stream music and work on art. It really just depends on how I’m feeling.

My hands have lost dexterity, so I don’t work on crafts nearly as much as I’d like. Arthritis is often a crippling disease.

Evenings are sometimes the worst when you live alone. I used to entertain weekly or sometimes twice a week. It gave me motivation to keep my condo clean. It gave me something to look forward to. I’ll get to that again in the spring once I’m social again. For now, the isolation is needed.

I’ll do more reading in bed, or stream my favorite shows. Or watch movies. Or hop onto Discord and chat with new friends. Or twitter to chat with local friends. Sometimes I’ll order in dinner. Sometimes I’ll get the fireplace going.

Other times I have a very long bath which helps with the chronic pain and sore muscles. And every night, I try and get into my office and do a Tarot reading. Sometimes I’ll work on meditation and intentions. Sometimes I’ll write in my journal.

I’m looking forward to longer days. Where I can sit outside and read again. Or have a nap on the sofa. Or entertain friends for drinks. Or just go for walks again without worrying about ice.

I do what I can as pain allows for it. Pain rules my life but it doesn’t define my life. I do the best I can.

This blog — has kept me going through dark times. And now, I love the direction it’s heading in and the content I’m working on. I’m excited to share this new chapter of my life with you.

Thank you for being here with me.

If you’re on disability or medical retirement – what do you do to pass the time?

anxiety, depression

Spring(ish) cleaning

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The worst part of depression episodes and what I’ve learned from living with depression — it’s usually worse in winter months.

It isn’t that you want to sleep all the time which you do. Sometimes from 8 hours, to 12 hours, to 36 hours and you’re still tired.

It isn’t that you isolate yourself and sabotage relationships, though that can happen. The thought of talking to another human being takes a lot of effort some days.

It isn’t like there’s a button you can turn it on and off at will. Depression comes and goes when it wants to. Some have it easier than others. For others, there’s no turning it off. Ever.

It isn’t the fact that even though you know you need a shower, just mustering up the energy to have one can take up ALL the energy you have for that day.

It isn’t the fact that even eating or sitting outside can make you feel better, but it feels like a chore. Eventually you lose your appetite too.

It isn’t the fact that you do lose friends over it – and it happens again and again. But new ones will come along. They always do.

It’s the fact that you can’t clean and let basic day to day tasks slide. My place has been such a disaster. Having regular company kept me motivated to clean. Now…I’m finally doing a massive clean up for the first time since before Christmas. Because I finally have the energy to do so.

It’s all energy. Either you have it. Or you don’t. And when you don’t have it, the simplest of tasks can’t be done.

I call it post-depressive episode cleaning. And today, it feels good.

Decluttering the home. And the mind too.

There is a light at the end of what seemed like a long and dark tunnel. Today was a good day. I hope this energy lasts. The longer days are helping and they’ll get longer and longer too.

Make the most of those good days. You just gotta take it day by day.