Category Archives: mindfulness

gardening, home decorating, slow life living

Slow Living Sundays #1: June 04, 2023

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This post is part of my Slow Living series. Check out the original post here and related links.

It is early Sunday morning and I have been awake since 5;30 am. It was one of those things where I woke up and had no idea if it was morning or evening. But, I got up, had some coffee, watered my plants. Did a bit of writing. Listened to the birds and am enjoying the cool morning breeze.

And now I’m watching slow living videos for inspiration on how to carry on my day.

In a couple of hours, I’m heading out to play some music for my biweekly volunteering service. I used to volunteer weekly before I moved. It’s too far of a trek when you don’t drive on Sunday mornings. But I enjoy seeing family friends for coffee after.

Later, I think I might go shopping for some needed retail therapy. I found a quilt I really wanted for my bed on Amazon but alas, it’s no longer available. I have some gift cards for The Bay that I need to use up. So, maybe I will hit the mall on the way home. Plus, the mall has ice cream, and AC. It’s gonna be a hot day.

I’d like to spend some money on decorating my room and making it an oasis like the rest of the condo. I spent some time cleaning up my kitchen and freshened up the flower supply with carnations. It’s nice to have a clean table again. I love having plant life around and they are mostly all still alive.

Plant life update

I moved the poor fern outside and it seems to be doing a bit better. The leaves are a bit longer than when I bought it. It’s still struggling. Hopefully the hot humid summer air can spring it back to life.

The potted Dahlias from Home Depot all turned brown. But alas, new buds came in last week and I have new blooms already. I was so proud of myself for this!

I think next summer, I’m not going to buy Petunias. They have been difficult to maintain and do not survive well in the wind. The violas also took a beating this week and have all started drooping.

The pansies are doing okay, though the pot doesn’t seem to drain well. I try and water them every other day. But look at those colors. I planted them myself.

I try and spend some time every morning outside even if it’s just watering plants. There were a few geese outside when I was standing on my balcony. We have a lot of wildlife around here – mostly of bird and feathered variation. There are lots of nature trails and parks, and greenery that I just love. I really love my neighborhood.

Last night, we had the Strawberry Moon here. Unfortunately, there was too much smoke in the sky and I couldn’t get a clear picture. You can check out my post from yesterday though.

That’s about it for updates. I saw my dad finally and he was fairly quiet. I’m single again and that’s a story I don’t want to get into here. Still processing things. Deciding that I want to be on my own for a while and just enjoy being with friends.

My first crafting group meetup is happening next week and I can’t wait to meet new friends. We already have a few outings planned to check out markets and events. It will be nice to be social again.

And strangely enough. I’m the lowest weight I’ve been all year. I don’t know how. But I’ve been working on my book nonstop and first draft will be finished — VERY soon. I’m excited for it.

That’s it for now.

How do you spend your Sunday mornings?

I’m off to play some music, have some coffee with family friends, and maybe comfort myself with another plant or two. Or three. Or four. It’s an addiction now!

mindfulness, spiritual, witchcraft

Spiritual Practice: Where do I start?

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I’m part of a few groups on Reddit for witches and one of the most common questions I see that is asked almost daily is, “Where do I start?” or “Do I have to believe in everything I read?” You get the drill.

I thought for this week’s blog post, I would take some time and answer more frequently asked questions and how I started my journey into witchcraft. If you’re not a witchy person, no problem. These methods can be used for almost any spiritual practice or even if you just want to adopt mindfulness techniques into your daily routine. I even wrote a blog post about that too!

Where do I start?

That’s a tough question. For me, my journey began nearly 20 years ago when watching shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I became really interested in Wicca and joined a local drumming group. In addition to that, I also picked up as many books on Wicca as I could get my hands on – including Scott Cunningham’s book simply titled Wicca.

When it came to learning about Green Witchery, I actually have YouTube to credit for that. I was searching for inspiration on decorating my balcony and stumbled upon cottage fairy channels, which led me to fairy cottages, and so on, and so forth. And now my feed is mostly cottage fairy and green witches or gardeners. It’s quite lovely.

Once I learned about intention setting and journaling, I was hooked. It’s something I do monthly now. I like using visioning boards for this and created this one with Canva.

Figure out your budget

Figure out your budget and how much you are able to invest in your practice. I’ll include free resources below as well. And do subscribe, because I have a post coming about free online resources for books.

If you are a student or single income earner, you probably don’t want to put yourself into debt. Try hitting up local libraries, garage sales, flea markets or wander out to your local Pagan or Witchy markets for deals. You can even find some supplies at vintage or dollar store type shops. Hobby money is also great for building your altar or sacred space.

Also, don’t go and spend hundreds of dollars off the bat. Take time and build your altar. I used the same Tarot deck for 20 years and finally bought new ones with a gift certificate.

A lot of supplies like dried herbs and spices, you can get from your local grocery store like salt, bay leaves, cinnamon sticks and sage. Use flowers from local vendors and let them dry naturally.

Find things that resonate with you

There are a lot of types of spiritual practice out there and I know for me, I’ve studied a few over the years. These studies included Reiki, Shamanism, Wicca and lately, Green Witchery. I’m still learning when it comes to Green Witchery and every day is a new discovery about myself.

What I love to do is sit outside and be one with nature and natural energy around me. The other night, I sat out in the thunder storm (finally!) at 1:00 in the morning. I called upon my spirit guides and called to Thor and Odin (Thor is God of Thunder), and during my meditation – I felt a new surge of energy that is still flowing through me. I’ll write about this in a separate post and dive a bit more into my Norse Mythology connection.

Spend some time journaling and making a list of things you want to do, or that interest you the most.

  • Animals or wildlife (being around animals, totem animals)
  • Being out in nature (hiking, swimming, photography)
  • Building an altar (using things like candles, incense, crystals, gemstones)
  • Creating things (arts, crafts, music, journals, book of shadows)
  • Divination (scrying, tarot, crystals, etc)
  • Gardening (planting things, working with herbs, crafting)
  • Journey Work (meditating with intention)
  • Meditating – practicing daily mindfulness
  • Ritual working – what kind of rituals are you interested in?
  • Socializing – being with friends or in a community (covens)
  • Solo practice – best for highly introverted folks or those with anxiety
  • Writing – writing stories, books, letters, spells or poems

This list is not complete, but these are some things I incorporate into my practice. Gardening, nature, photography are all things I try and do often. And writing in this blog. I also spend A LOT of time on Youtube in the mornings watching other content creators for inspiration.

For me, my favorite thing to do is sit outside when it’s quieter at night time, breathe in the fresh air. Or listen to music with headphones and soak in the sun.

Using mythology from your ancestry

I am a mixed bag when it comes to ancestry and roots and have a mix of European blood from Irish, French to Danish. So, I feel strong ties to Celtic and Nordic folklore. The Indigenous peoples have their own ways of doing things so, depending on where you are in the world or where you were raised – try learning about how ancestors from your region practiced magic.

Shamanism for example, is practiced around the world, not just specific to Native Americans. Each region has their own beliefs and ways of doing things. Honestly, it was one of the most interesting things to study and I was blessed to work with local Indigenous Elders for five years professionally.

For me, I feel strong connections to my Nordic roots and Thor is still one of my favorite Greek Gods (and MCU series!)

Again, take what resonates with you. You don’t have to believe everything you learn – sometimes it’s fun to fantasize and write about Gods like Thor and Odin.

Don’t get too lost in studying, make sure to practice too!

I’m a hands on learner and have always learned faster by doing something new myself. Sitting in a three hour lecture is not going to keep my attention at all and I will fail miserably. But also, it’s important to at least learn the basics before diving into anything.

The more important things you should try and learn first are:

  • Incorporating magic or mindfulness into your daily life
  • Grounding yourself spiritually and physically
  • Meditating and learning to achieve ‘altered state’ for journey work
  • Protecting your space and your home from negative energies
  • Working with natural energy and learning to protect yours

Have patience

Most importantly, have patience with yourself. Spiritual practice, whether you are Christian, Buddhist, Pagan, Wiccan or Witch – is often a lifelong journey. You will find yourself questioning a lot of things over the years. Your tastes and interests will change as you change and grow with the craft you choose.

Same goes for learning. While there is a lot of good resources and materials out there to learn from, there is also a lot of misinformation and bad “actors”. Find people you connect with to learn from.

Never give up on yourself. Do things that bring you joy, and you can’t go wrong with that. We were all new at some point.

Related Posts

How to incorporate mindfulness to your daily routine

Recommended Reading (from my own shelf)

I have an old copy of the Encyclopedia of Witchcraft that I should get out and take some pictures of. I picked it up in an old used bookstore for occult practices. It was a great dive shop for treasures. It was written by Rosemary Ellen Guiley, and covers just about every supernatural or occult topic from A-Z.

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mindfulness, slow life living, spiritual

The Slow Living Movement

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A few years ago, I had to leave my career due to rising and complex health issues that were preventing me from attending work on a regular basis. Like many people, I was working a full-time job, volunteering part-time, and was part of many groups and social activities. The burnout towards the end was extreme and my health took a turn for the worse.

A diagnosis of hEDS would seal the deal and now I’m officially, “medically retired” which has left me with mixed feelings about my purpose in life. I was always told, “you’re too young to be in this much pain” and now…

Life has become about – quality now, not quantity. And learning to just well, slow the f**k down. The struggle of keeping myself busy during the day is for real, and I’m adopting some new habits and forming new routines, so I get the most out of those good days. On those bad days, I’m mostly just sleeping in bed and those pain flares can last for a week or two. It’s a very unpredictable medical condition.

Created with Canva @charmedreflections.com

It was only recently, like in the past few months as I got back into spiritual practice, that I learned about “slow life” living and it’s something that I think we can all learn from. Stress and anxiety can impact our health so much, that we take for granted all that life has to offer us. Thanks to channels like this.

This is how I start off my mornings, sipping my coffee, eating my toast and fruit and watching relaxing videos like this. I start off every day now outside, watering my flowers and deadpaning the ones that need some TLC. It’s a great way to start the morning.

Slow Life Origins

The slow living movement started in the 1980’s in Italy. It started with the opening of a McDonald’s restaurant in the capital city of Rome. A man named Carlo Petrini banned together with a group of activists and they formed a movement that they coined, “Slow Food.” This movement was created to defend regional foods to keep long standing traditions alive in Italy.

Photo by Chait Goli on Pexels.com

Concept of Slow Life

The overall concept of slow living is where people openly choose to live a slower and more meaningful life. This isn’t always easy to do if you have a lot on your plate like two jobs, or a full-time career, or you are a single parent. Or parents of a large family. Or heck, even the single professional person can struggle with taking too much on. I speak from experience having done this for decades.

In the simplest of terms, slow living means making more time for yourself to “stop and smell the roses” or just practice selfcare more. Or spending more time in nature, with family, or doing things you really love.

While some people may consider this movement, more of a fad, for me, I’m trying to incorporate this into my daily routine. Some people consider slow living to be more of a concept or philosophy – they call it a reflective or mindful approach to everyday life.

If you’re of Scandinavian culture, you may be familiar with the concept of Hygge – in which people adopt more a cozy and comfort sort of aesthetic in their homes and slowing down to enjoy time with family and loved ones. Slow Living is similar in a sense, and I’ll cover what Hygge is in a separate post.

Slow living starts with softness, a desire to move more calmly.

Secret of Slow Life Living

There really is no secret to slowing down life a little bit. The key is to find things that bring you peace and joy, and do those things more often. It’s ensuring you get the proper amount of sleep at night to feel rested. It’s about finding “quiet” time to practice mindfulness, or working with intention setting. It’s about living a life of intention and making those little moments for yourself really count. It’s about self-reflection, journaling or even just spending time out in nature.

Some ways you can slow your life down:

  • Connection: build on current relationships with friends and loved ones that bring joy into your life. Find time to connect with Mother Nature. Sit out at night and stare up at the moon. Or spend time in your garden. Or tend to flowers and indoor plants. Connect with your natural surroundings and elements. This can help ground your energy as well.
  • Intentions: start incorporating and working with intentions in your daily life, planning for downtime or time to focus on you.
  • Slow down: if your schedule is too packed, perhaps learn to let something go that isn’t necessary for you to be involved in. Or if you can, delegate the task to someone else. Plan for at least one day a week (or even per month) where you can do something for just yourself.
  • Take a pause: take the time to enjoy those precious moments you have to yourself. Meditate or just practice deep breathing exercises and reflect on your day so far. Take your coffee outside and sit in the sun for your morning break. Or go for a walk for some fresh air.
  • Well-being: practice the art of selfcare and make sure you are getting some time in nature, regular exercise, sleep — sleep is crucial for your overall mental health.

First of all, I’d suggest taking some time to journal and think about what it is that brings you peace. Is it going for a walk? Maybe it’s a certain spot out in nature. Or maybe it’s someone in your life that calms you down. Or maybe it’s as simple as sitting outside with a good book. Whatever it is, jot down ideas and make that effort into bringing mindfulness into your daily routines.

Or maybe your idea of a perfect day is sitting down with friends while working on arts and crafts. Like Indoora World does on her channel and I find it so inspiring.

Resources

Sometimes my YouTube suggestions feed gets it right, and I’m amazed by the creativeness out there from fellow artists and partisans. These are some of my favorite channels to help set your morning off on the right vibe. To learn more about slow life and mindfulness practices, please follow my blog. I post weekly.

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mindfulness, slow life living, witchcraft

Poetry of slow living and daily mindfulness

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I can’t take credit for the title, it’s inspired by a youtube channel that I follow. In fact, most channels I watch on a daily basis, are all focused on slow living, cottage life or fairytale dreamers. Or people like me, who like to do witchy things sometimes.

I’m working on another post that will explain what Slow Living is, but the gist of it, is making more time for yourself and taking time out from the daily grind, to enjoy those little moments. No matter how many little moments you get each day to yourself.

What does that look like? Well, for me – now that spring is in full bloom, it’s become a little easier to do.

Green Space

Every morning, the first thing I do when I wake up, after general hygiene practices, is to wander sleepily into the kitchen and flip on the kettle for my tea or coffee. As I wait for the stainless steel kettle to beep, I check on my green altar space. Now, I call this an altar space but mainly it’s a place where I start my day, and can get centred.

There’s something so calming about inspecting green plants, ensuring they’ve had enough water, pruning off the dead or dry leaves. Though, the frustrating part here is that many of my plants are struggling. It’s really hot and dry here right now for this time of year. I think I need to bite the bullet and purchase some fertilizer to see if this helps.

Balcony garden

A couple of weeks ago for Beltane, a friend and I went to the local Home Depot to take advantage of an early flower basket sale. I picked up as you may remember, some purple petunias, some pink Dahlias, and a large pot of violas which start off white and then turn brilliant shades of violet. I also have a pot of pansies that are really struggling in this crazy wind we’re having. Alberta weather is not friendly for gardening.

Every morning, I will check on the flowers and move them around as needed or take in the cushions if it’s going to be a really windy day. I spend some time out in the sun, listening to the birds. If I’m up early enough, which doesn’t happen often anymore, I’ll sit and watch the sunrise. The world is quiet at 6 am and not many people around. I suppose it’s why I used to love getting up that early. That’s something I need to get back into but my sleep schedule is out of whack again. The heat doesn’t help.

On good days, I will then come back inside, eat my breakfast which usually consists of a combination of fruit, toast, eggs or oatmeal, a hot cup of coffee and drink my first litre of water for the day. I’m trying to drink at least 3 each day and that’s hard for me.

If it’s going to be a hot day, then I make sure all the windows and curtains are drawn by 10 am, and the fans are going to help keep it cool. It didn’t work today, and I’m melting currently. I’m a puddle.

Connection and always learning

Then I spend a bit of time responding to business for the day. Whether it’s personal emails, emails related to my benefits or comments on social media. I try not to spend too much time here, otherwise, you waste a few hours. While sipping my coffee, I’ll enjoy videos like these for inspiration on what I can do during the day.

I’ll spend a bit of time leaving comments on their videos to spread the love, do a bit of reading and maybe get started on a blog article. I have so many half written drafts and just haven’t been in the mood to finish them. Though, I am back to book writing and it’s going well.

Outdoor time

Every day, regardless of how I am feeling, I make the most effort to enjoy the sunshine. A few minutes outside as I wait for my kettle to boil and spend time with the flowers. Then I’ll pop out with my headphones in the afternoon if construction isn’t too noisy. And then I’ll head out again in the evening for at least 30 minutes to 1 hour or more on really warm nights.

If I’m sick, I’m sick. Like this morning I was having some stomach issues so that meant some time in bed. And on the weekend, it was a sinus/migraine thing. On those really bad days, which happen more than you’d think, I can’t even muster up enough energy for a shower. Baths can help but it’s so much work. So, I tend to just sleep and sleep. I slept 20 full hours the other day and it felt good.

But I try at least for 15 minutes to 30 minutes of outdoor time daily because it does help with the mood. I took this one a couple of weeks ago. Edited with clipart to hide location 🙂

Daily mindfulness practices

The rest of the day is spent in the kitchen with meal prepping. Though now that the weather is too hot for the oven, meals are usually salads, sandwiches, fresh fruit or vegetables. Anything I can buy premade from the deli that just gets heated up in the microwave.

I might listen to music while writing, or while outside and this helps me get in a calm headspace, especially for writing. Sometimes I’m listening to pop or pop rock music, sometimes acoustic folk and sometimes, some really deep meditative music to help me “zone out” for a little while.

I check in with my partner daily and while we don’t get much time for each other, we send morning messages, chat over lunch, and then again in the evenings. I check in on friends (when I remember to), and can be bad for not reaching out. Not because I don’t care, just because I’m used to being on my own. So sorry, if you haven’t heard from me.

I need to get back into doing readings, if not daily, at least a couple of times a week. If you’d like a reading done, let me know. This too, is a great way to decide what to focus on that day. You pull one card with your morning tea or coffee, meditate on it, and that will be your focus for either that day, or week. It’s up to you.

Writing and journaling

And lastly, I will spend time writing a little each day. Whether it’s a draft entry here, in my private journal, or to share with friends on social media. Or like now, as I try and work on my books on those good days. I can get lost for hours if not careful. Sometimes I have to set timed reminders to take breaks for water and food. It helps to have good people check in on you too.

Note: I pulled all my books from Smashwords in hopes of rewriting and reformatting since I’m constantly getting notices to do so. If you’re an editor and you’ve made it this far, let’s connect. I’ll need an open minded one soon!


How do you incorporate mindfulness in your daily life? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

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mindfulness, spiritual

On the subject of empathy

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A discussion about empathy on reddit really got under my skin this morning and I thought I would jot some notes down here. Unfortunately, the word “empath” has been targeted by some as toxic and people are linking narcissistic behaviors with those that call themselves an empath.

I used to call myself an empath before the word started getting some hate in some communities. Before I go further, let’s first define what empathy is.

What is empathy

Empathy is the ability to feel what others are feeling, as opposed to feeling sorry or having sympathy for them. Being empathetic, means you literally absorb other people’s feelings and often mistake them as your own.

It is the ability to recognize emotions in others and understand what they are going through, or have gone through based on similar experiences or traumas. Sympathy, on the other hand, is the ability to feel sorry for someone else, or to show compassion during challenging times, or simply acknowledging their pain.

Types of empathy

Affective empathy

The ability to respond to other people’s emotions appropriately.

Somatic empathy

The ability to feel what another person is feeling – this is a natural gift that not everyone has.

Cognitive empathy

The ability to understand someone’s response to a situation – either based on similar experiences or emotions or learned behavior.

Examples of Empathy

When my partner is having a bad day, I often feel it impacts my mood as well. I absorb energy like a sponge, even from long distances. I find when he is moody or distant, this impacts my mood overall and I feel drained. When he is sad, I feel sad too and just want to be there to support him. The same goes for friends and family members.

Empathy helped me in the workplace. Some people will argue that my trauma from past neglect or abuse has made me hypervigilant, or that it’s my anxiety that makes me more sensitive to energy. But this has always been part of me.

For instance, when I worked in student registration at a local college, I could feel the excitement in the air when the rush of new students were buzzing through the halls. I’d be hyper all day and high off that energy. It would keep me fueled for days on end.

Other times, that inner gut reaction – a feeling of tightness in the stomach or general uneasy feeling when things were tense in the office. Observing the moods of other coworkers, seeing their mannerisms and expressions as they spoke in hushed tones, noticing the closed door meetings – this always made me hyper-aware of when something big was about to go down.

Weather related – I can tell when it’s going to rain or the weather is going to shift. Of course, that could be an arthritis thing. I feel it in my bones. But maybe I’m at times, so strongly connected to nature that it’s like connected to me in a way I can’t explain.

The downside to being empathetic

The arguments I’m seeing are that people are using mental health issues like anxiety or trauma related illnesses (PTSD, c-PTSD, etc) to completely dismiss empathic abilities. While people are not outright calling empathy a mental illness, they are blaming some of the symptoms or signs on mental illness.

This I have a real problem with. For me, I know what symptoms come with my anxiety. It’s different from day to day, but usually it’s social anxiety or being easily stressed out, or more recently, sensory overload. But I also know the difference between a real “gut feeling” compared to just anxiety.

There have been times when I’ve met people that just set me off for some reason, though I can’t put my finger on it. Only months later, or years later, the truth of that person is eventually revealed to others.

People sometimes tell me I’m being paranoid when I’m observing patterns and behaviors of others, and yet, again and again – eventually, in time, these patterns are noticed by others and most of the time – my gut feelings about those people are proven to be right.

While I acknowledge the need for treatment for some illnesses like depression, anxiety, etc – I think it’s really shitty to paint empathy in a negative light.

If there’s anything this world could use MORE of – it’s empathy and compassion towards each other. We all have the ability to feel empathy or even show/learn empathy. But many simply choose not to.

Anyway. If this is scrambled, my ADD brain is not being kind today. I have like three draft posts that all say the same thing, and I’m having troubles staying focused.

What are your experiences with empathy? Do you consider yourself a naturally empathic person? What are some stories you can share of how using empathy saved you from a potentially dangerous or toxic situation?

Please let’s generate a healthy discussion here. Seeing comments like “If someone calls themselves an empath, that’s sus.” — I’m starting to really dislike online “communities” sometimes. As someone who is spiritually open minded, I’m tired of seeing these discussions pop up in spiritual groups.

It’s like those that kink shame each other on a kink related site. Makes no sense to me.

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mindfulness, relationships

Be your authentic self and your people will find you

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The sun is shining and it’s going to be a beautiful day where I live – which is nice as the past couple of days have been dreary outside and we had a lot of snow the other night.

I’ve been trying to rack my brain for content this week and nothing is coming to me. So, I’m going to get a bit personal.

Recently, I had a fallout with some people that really hurt. And while I recognize my part in it, I definitely do not feel the actions received from others were warranted. It led me to a path of self-reflection and shadow work which I’m now finally coming out of and seeing the world in a new light. I’m also trying to recognize negative aspects of myself and working on shedding those too, to make for a brighter future and healthier relationships.

I promise I’m not obsessed with it – I take it as a learning opportunity in what not to do for next time.

I’ve already touched briefly on what mirroring behaviors look like in a recent post, so for this post, I’ll stick to what was discussed yesterday with my therapist.

Social Media Friends

When it comes to Fetlife, I make friends pretty fast. I’m a flirt, and post a lot of different types of content from art, memes, and journal writings. That content is how I met the majority of Fetlife friends – and some friends in real life too.

But when you’re a “sparkling” personality, people see your shine and want to dim it for whatever reason. Maybe they are jealous. Or maybe they want to be like you and get the same kind of attention. So, they start copying or mirroring your image.

The thing about posting on social media, is that people only see snippets of your life. They might not like what they see. And sometimes, people only share the positives and good times to boost themselves up. Not a bad way to do it either.

Part of my kinky personality is being a brat (to those friends who are consenting) and to those in general that wish to participate. It’s all in good fun. Brats get a bit of a bad rep as there are those who take it too far and cross boundaries.

With me, I tend to get people hyped up and they get in on the fun. It’s provided a lot of great laughs. And helped to form relationships quickly.

Unfortunately, there’s a caveat.

When life stops being all fun and games

When it comes to fickle friends, they thrive on attention from others. The kind of attention that gives them dopamine rushes and makes them feel good. So, when you stop providing them that attention and focus on you – you’re called all kinds of names.

Or worse – you’re dropped and replaced by the next shiny thing that comes along, who will provide them the attention they need. They latch onto other people like leeches.

I had one friend that did this and it got to the point where she would message me all night on Discord and I had to mute her notifications, to get some sleep.

When life stops being fun and you request to take time to yourself, or you are working through health issues – you find out quickly, who your real friends are. They are the ones that stand by you unconditionally. And they are the type that will reach out to you to check in on how you’re doing, or offer an ear when needed.

For me, sure, I love the attention. Always have. At least the good kind of attention and not the creeps that come surfing by. But I never act out of malice or with ill intentions.

Stay true to who you are, your people will find you

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve found that spark again. The spark I thought I’d lost forever. I realized how much I changed myself for the play partners in my life and how much I muted my personality too.

And now, I’ve said… fuck that.

I’m going to be my authentic self. Unapologetically, so. If people have an issue with the content that I post, that’s not my problem. They’re happy to unfollow, unfriend, or scroll on by like I do. And let me tell you – there is a lot of crap that you have to scroll on by on Fetlife.

And I think that sometimes scares people who a) refuse to take accountability for their actions. And b) people who aren’t ready to do the inner work themselves. Or maybe they aren’t willing to admit they need it.

Does that make them bad people?

Not necessarily.

But it does become toxic when people demand certain energy from you like “good vibes only” or “no negativity.” That gets old, really fast. I find with those people, you never really know who you are dealing with.

For me, I’m a realist and that often gets seen as negative. I’ve had to be in my life when dealing with chronic illnesses. Sometimes, life is what it is and other times, you make the most of what you’ve got.

My unsolicited advice for the day:

Just be you. Those who get it, will love you for it. And those that don’t, let them leave. You will be better for it. And life will become better.

Have you ever had someone in your life mirror your actions or copy your behaviours to gain your attention? If so, how did the relationship turn out for you?

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mindfulness, spiritual, youtube

Cozy cottages & fairytale dreamers : YouTube recommendations

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Every month, I think I’m going to share some of my favorite content creators here with you. My YouTube algorithm finally has gotten to know my preferences, and I’m discovering new artists daily.

Every morning when feeling well, I start my day with a cup of coffee and breakfast. I’ll sit down to watch the latest videos from my favorite channels. And for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been hooked on a certain aesthetic and vibe.

Think cozy cottage and fairytale vibes.

These videos are so calming that it just starts my day off right.

Darling Desi

Desi is a content creator and filmmaker that lives in Utah, at least up until her most recent video in February 2023. Her channel was created in 2019 and she covers a variety of topics.

If you’re a fan of my blog, then I think you will enjoy her videos. She’s an avid reader and a fan of Canadian novels like Anne of Green Gables. She covers topics from anxiety, selfcare, to daily life as an artist.

Alwyn Oak

This channel is a new discovery for me and I’m in love with the overall vibe of her videos. Alywyn is a practicing witch and films many of her videos outdoors. She loves exploring nature, cooking, baking and crafting. She’s also a composer and shares her original music from time to time while celebrating Sabbats or other holidays.

Alywyn often shares ideas on how to celebrate the Pagan Sabbats or spiritual holidays. I find her ideas to be really inspiring for my own celebrations as a practicing witch. She also has videos dedicated to selfcare, rituals and healing practices.

Moss & Mirth

The creator of Moss & Mirth lives in an organic garden sanctuary that she describes as hidden in the trees of a rainy magical forest. Her videos give off a magical sort of vibe as she works on hand crafts or home projects.

Moss & Mirth is a smaller channel with just 345 subscribers, so do check out her videos if you get a chance. I’m all about supporting other artists that share their work and ideas.

Poetry of Slow Life

Daria is a self described cottage daydreamer that lives in the English countryside. Her channel has been active since 2015 and she has just over 20,000 subscribers. This is another great channel that goes for the cozy vibe and focuses on cozy cottage and slow living life.

The Cottage Fairy

I know that I’ve already plugged this channel in a previous post, but this is honestly one of my favorite channels to binge on those dreary days when you might be moving a little slower.

Endy is a talented artist and illustrator that lives in a cozy cottage in the Washington State. She’s an artist, and also rents out properties that she decorates for holidays and special occasions. She’s also an avid reader and I love her book recommendations.

She posts new content weekly and covers a variety of topics from selfcare, anxiety, mental wellness and mindfulness. I love her videos so much, and as someone with anxiety, I really find I connect with her way of thinking as well.

mindfulness, self development

So, I might be neurodivergent?

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I’ve been wondering this for a while now. My struggles with attending community events or even being in public in general. Never used to be this way. In my 20’s, I was a fairly social creature. I went to all the events I could afford or travel to. Now, I maybe go to five a year.

A conversation this morning online has me questioning it yet again. I also completed the Myers-Brigg personality test and scored the rarest score – INFP – highly introverted and intuitive. The discussion connected INFP types to neurodivergents and well, it got me thinking.

My therapist diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder last year at a DSM level 5. Symptoms were exasperated by my employer. One of the catalysts that sent me into disability life. One of many reasons. I’m getting used to it.

I’m a gen X’er. Which means, we didn’t talk about mental health issues when we were kids. My mother repeatedly threatened to send me to therapy because I spent so much time alone as a kid in my room reading. I couldn’t read enough. I’ve always been a recluse, a hermit and loner. Friendships are hard for me at times. The other excuse was that my siblings were buttheads and there was a lot of bullying in the household.

They still kind of are at times. I only engage with them about issues with my dad, or my brand new baby niece who I am in love with.

But the bullying was traumatizing both physical and emotional. Emotional damage for years that would even induce nightmares about haunted dolls, and clowns.

Anyway…shudder. I don’t need those dreams.

We didn’t talk about mental health issues. I’m only now just connecting the dots through shadow work and her detailed journals, that my mother struggled with high functioning anxiety and depression too. There was a lot of stress in the house. And I would grow up to later have cortisol issues which causes fight or flight mode. On a loop. It’s exhausting.

So, why do I think I might be neurodivergent?

Well, we didn’t have terms like this when I was involved in the scene many years ago. I’m learning new terms all the time. And more neuro type folks that I met and befriended, the more I went… Huh.

And then I had a lightbulb moment.

Am I neurodivergent?

Let’s see how many behaviors apply to me. My therapist would cringe at this. She hates when people self-diagnose themselves.

Struggling to read and write – no. But holding a pen or pencil is painful for me. Most written communication is on the computer for that reason.

Clumsiness? Shit yeah, you should see the bruises on my legs.

Hard to cope with crowds, bright lights, noise, physical sensations? Yes! Even the sound of crunching snow under my feet drives me crazy.

Difficulties focusing? Can’t sit still? I mean, there’s a reason I’m on fetlife a lot these days. Distraction.

No smiling? Or social responsiveness? To a point. I do better 1 to 1 or in really small group settings where I know the people well. I attended a group event this fall and sat there literally chewing my fingernails. The anxiety about saying the wrong thing was surreal. And it was a small and intimate group.

Personality traits: I am sometimes blunt but don’t meant to be rude or hurtful. People don’t like that much. I mask when needed but I hate doing it. I’ve always kind of done my own thing and often don’t fit into communities.

When it came to school, I was never a good student. Classes bored me. I learned way too late in life that I learned better by actually DOING things. Math and science – my brain couldn’t compute. But language, music, arts, crafts, were my jam. Areas where I could express myself freely.

ADHD is also linked to hypermobility which is the main cause behind my chronic pain and injuries. Same with anxiety. Constant fight or flight mode. Throw in insomnia and other issues too. Sometimes I’m not fun to be around.

So, am I neurodivergent or is it something else? I don’t know. But the more people I interact with who are – it seems, the better we tend to get along and make friends fast with. I guess time will only tell.

What’s your neurodivergent story? How did you get diagnosed?

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mindfulness, spiritual

I did not expect to cry over this video message

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Jonna Jinton is an artist and content creator from northern Sweden. I first discovered her when searching for videos about my “home country” – Denmark. The beauty in her videos is what turned me into a fan. She’s also a musician and a bit of a humanitarian and has won awards.

I did NOT expect to cry over this video message. If you have an hour and need some uplifting messages today…. watch this please. She collected videos from people around the globe and just wow. She received thousands of videos from her fans which now reach over 4 million.

“You have a reason to be here”

“The true religion is kindness. Let’s just be kind to each other.”

Trust me. It’s worth a watch.

And trust me – you will need tissues. I am bawling over this.

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mindfulness, shadow work, spiritual

What is Shadow Work and why is it necessary for trauma?

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Shadow work is working with your unconscious mind to uncover parts of yourself that you may have repressed or hide from yourself. This could include past traumas, hurts, or negative aspects of the shadow self, that we all possess.

What is our shadow self?

Our shadow self is thought to be the parts of ourselves that make us undesirable to others. Or parts of ourselves that hold us back from success or happiness. Our shadows can represent things like anger, sadness or depression, anxiety, self-doubt or self-loathing. It can have an impact on your overall well-being and cause blockages with your spiritual beliefs and practices.

Giving in for far too long to our shadow self, can result in struggling in relationships or connections in general. When you suffer from chronic anxiety and depression, it can really make it hard to sustain relationships with others who seem more positive or can shrug off challenges more easily. I am not one of those people.

This was the first time I really dived into shadow work, and it was a draining and exhausting process. It was also lonely as hell. But it’s something I will work continue to work on to help heal.

How to recognize your shadow self

A good way to test yourself, is to gauge how you interact and react towards others. How do you respond when people become aggressive towards you? What about those who do not respect your boundaries?

Are you firm in telling them to stop? Are you firm in sticking to your core values and principles? Or are you the type of person who avoids conflict or difficult situations and tend to ignore your selfcare because you are a people pleaser?

There’s nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, as long as you don’t dismiss your own values in the process.

Consequences of shadow work

When you do shadow work, you get a better sense of what those core values in relationships might look like for you. This can change your entire outlook on current connections in your life. You might lose friends or even your primary relationships.

People who aren’t ready to face their trauma or do shadow work themselves, will often revolt or shy away from those that do.

Shadow work can also reveal trauma you may have suppressed for years and this can open a flood gate of feelings you aren’t prepared for. I do suggest working with trained professionals in counseling or therapy. Or find a support group that you can trust.

You may find yourself becoming emotional for no reason even on those good days. Crying is a big part of it. You may also find you want to sleep more. Pain might surface. Same with tension headaches. If you struggle with any of these new symptoms, please check in with your primary care provider.

Your intuition will peak during this process. You will notice toxic behaviors more and people that you considered to be close friends, will not look the same.

You will go through it. The stages of grief are real. I’m kind of in between I’m ready to let it all go, I’m mad at the world, and I just want to have fun again.

Thankfully, the crying myself to sleep daily has stopped.

Setting intentions with shadow work

One of your intentions with shadow work might be to help heal from trauma or hurt that triggered something from the past. For me, it was an abrupt ending to a relationship. Being made to feel like I was a terrible person when in reality, I wasn’t. Unresolved conflict led me to an anxiety spiral and a serious depressive episode. This led to being ghosted.

This experience brought out a lot of insecurities and resentment from past partners. It also triggered my abandonment anxiety and I went into a bad spiral.

Intentions can be anything you want to work on. I find bullet journaling, writing here in this block and working with Tarot cards really helps to pick things I should focus on. Ideas will often come to me while meditating or working on crafts as well.

You can read more about intention setting here.

Lessons learned during my shadow work

  • Make sure you have clear intentions and an outcome for your work.
  • You will need breaks in between to remember the good things in life.
  • Give yourself a deadline for the hardest parts.
  • Surround yourself with people who are on similar paths that you can learn from. Be wary of those who are “leaders” and stick to ones you get good vibes from. Trust your intuition.
  • Your intuition will peak during this process.
  • You will feel things you’ve never felt before and these can manifest into physical symptoms.
  • You will want to isolate yourself. That’s fine. But don’t isolate too long. You will need friends to help you.

Most importantly: you will lose people. Those who are false friends will reveal their masks once you start taking care of you. It will hurt you more. But you are better off without these people. This will open new doors for new people to come in.

You will discover who your real friends are. The ones who are happy with you as you are and accept you fully despite your faults.

It’s a lifelong healing process

Shadow work can be rewarding and can speed up your healing process from recent hurts. That said, the more trauma you unpack, the more you connect it to your early memories. This can be a lifelong process and you may have to relearn coping mechanism along the way.

The point of shadow work isn’t to stay in the darkness forever. The point of it is to learn to let go of that darkness that hides your shine. You WILL find your inner light again. You will get your spark back.

You just have to keep working at it.

Also, this song came on while I was writing this and I thought I’d share the video. It’s fitting.

Discussion Prompt

Have you ever done shadow work? If so, what were your biggest lessons? What methods worked for you? Did you have a support group? Let me know in the comments.

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