Tag Archives: daily diary

Rainy autumn mornings, how I love thee

It’s Monday morning and I just finished my breakfast, now sipping coffee whilst watching the Queen’s funeral. I did not, get up at 3 am in the morning like some of my family members did to watch the affair. But if my mum were still alive, you know she’d be watching with tears streaming down her cheeks.

I kind of like watching replays for a few reasons. You can pause it and not miss anything. You can watch it without getting up at 3 am like I did for the Olympic ceremonies. And you can skip over the boring BBC commentary that lasts for like two hours. For me, I’m watching for the music and to see who all attended the ceremony.

As a musician, I’m no stranger to funerals. I volunteer as a community musician and have played for them often. I did one a couple of weeks ago that had nearly 100 people. The most impressive funeral I played for though was probably my aunt’s. There were over 300 people in the church. People were lined up against the walls and even standing in the hall. It was packed. I remember looking up from the piano at the end of my solo and seeing how many people were seated in the upper balcony. Man. That was a hard day. Even my mum’s funeral didn’t have that many people and that was a really tough day.

Anyway.

I woke up this morning in a great mood. For a few reasons.

I realized the other night that it will be six months in October that my long distance man and I have been together. It started with some flirting over one of my writings on Fetlife. Then he commented on a few pictures. Then out of boredom and being the flirt that I am, I hit him up in his DM’s.

And the rest is history. We’ve talked every day since.

Some days, only a few texts if he’s busy. But he makes sure to check in with me daily. We usually finish the night off talking to each other and say goodnight. During the week, we chat while he’s at work and on breaks and sometimes finish the late night with a phone call which are my favorite things to do.

He let me pick out a few necklaces last night on Etsy that I could wear during the day and around family. A simple silver chain with a D-ring that ties them together. It’s to symbolize that I’m his and he owns me which he does.

The relationship has changed and he’s really putting in time and effort to make things work. I don’t know why the change but I’m not complaining. Maybe it’s because I wanted to go on coffee dates with local men here. Which I still hope to do. But honestly, this dynamic is more important to me than finding an in person partner.

It’s messed up, right? But I need that level of control in my life. He’s helped me in many ways. I wouldn’t have the friends I have now if it weren’t for him pushing me to get out to community events. I feel like my confidence has changed, and my moods are becoming more and more stable too as time goes on.

Now, I just need to focus on weight loss and getting into shape. So that if he ever does fly or drive up here – I can be in better shape for whatever we have planned. Giggles.

I made a soup last week that I need to freeze. Last night, I prepped food for the week including fresh fruit and veggie slices. Today, is rainy and cold, so a good day to do some baking. I’ll make some oatmeal treats for breakfast. And I’ve even started batch cooking scrambled eggs and storing them for the next day. Protein for breakfast is important.

I say this after a weekend of binge eating pizza and junk food. It was fun though and worth it. But I’m afraid to step on the scale today. So, back to healthy eating and daily exercise.

I’ll probably see my dad later, once my Amazon order comes through. I ordered some stuffies to help with those lonely feelings at night time and they will get here today along with some other supplies. Including a face roller and makeup.

Anyway. That’s about it. I woke up in a good mood. Tired, but rested. I’ll do a bit of cleaning and cooking before heading out later. And I need to take out the recycling finally to get ready for a party in a couple of weeks.

Life is pretty good right now. My only complaint is: why does Minnesota have to be so far? Someone needs to invent teleportation. Stat.

Recharge your soul: reconnect with nature

Today is the best day I’ve had in months. Months! I woke up migraine free with good energy. A sore stomach but I think that it’s because I’ve been snacking at night time – I need to stop that. A good mood – even though it’s pouring with rain outside.

Why does it seem that the one day you have to go outside – it rains? And not just a drizzle – it’s been pouring non-stop since last night. Not that I mind, I love the rain. But really? On the one day I need to go out into the world?

I just came back from a short visit with my new family doctor. I really like him. He asks a lot of good questions. We reviewed some paperwork. He’ll fill out any form and charge me only $40 for it which I can write off. I have a note that will cover me to the end of summer and have some benefits coming in – so that is a relief.

I’m currently writing what feels like a book on my medical history with migraines. It’s interesting to try and recall really important dates. Like the time a migraine sent me to the ER after puking for 13 hours straight. Sorry, but I was traumatized. I think paramedic was too. Good thing he was quick with a bowl.

The worst part of the migraines is the nausea and vertigo. He finally asked me today about all the symptoms. I had asked him for a referral months ago – and he said he was working on it. But then asked me again today if I wanted one. So…. I hope he actually submitted one. Referrals can take up to a year.

I saw my good faithful friend Wally today who picked me up from the doctor’s and drove me home. We had a month worth of catching up to do. Sometimes I make up excuses to go out just so I can see him. He used to drive me to work daily and so I’ve missed that casual friendship. He’s happily married with three kids. He’s Polish. From time to time, we’d exchange things like baking, or treats during the holidays. He also helped me with my move out and I’m grateful to have someone I can rely on.

Contrary to what some people believe, living alone isn’t lonely. The pandemic has made it tough for sure – but I have friends that I can see for lunch dates or drinks. I have a bestie who reads this blog often and we talk daily. I have my sisters and talk daily with them. That was why I moved closer – to be close to them. And it’s really helped. To the point that my anxiety- it’s not even really an issue right now.

Dating? I don’t need to date to be happy. Fuck that logic and those who think that way. Relationships made me miserable. I over-thought everything and it drove me mad – and my partner too. Plus I was magnet for emotionally unstable men. Greg, for instance, had PTSD from the military. We had a strong connection because of it. We loved each other. But the relationship was never meant to be. And I’m okay with that. I don’t hate him. I don’t hate any of my exes. I learned to FORGIVE and let go. Which I think a lot of people struggle with.

Where am I going with this? I don’t know. My tummy is growling so I should get some food. But mostly – I just wanted to say.

I absolutely fucking love my life. I love the people I have in my life. Could things be better? Yeah, I mean – things could always be better. More money would be amazing. But I have a nice, clean and quiet home. I have friends I can count on. I have good relationships with some of my ex-partners – we’re even “friendly” on social media. I have good relationships with my family. I have lots of hobbies and interests to help fill in the days.

Daily Positivity #3: Recharge your soul

Life is too short to dwell on the negative people in life. Remember all the good things you have in your life. Family. Friends. Your home. Your job (if you love your job). Your pets. Focus on creative outlets. Hobbies. Go for a walk or run. Get out in nature and get lost (metaphorically) in your surroundings.

Take a break from social media. Go out and breathe some fresh air. Reconnect with Mother Earth – for she is always ready and will be there for you too.

Painted by – me!

Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.

I love my new home.

It’s hard to believe that just a few weeks ago, I was living among a pile of boxes and had made a decision that would forever change my life. I moved. As most of you know by now. And it sucked. A lot. But today marks my second week of living in my new condo and I thought I’d update on how things are going.

It took me a long time to get unpacked. I went through all the cardboard boxes and finally just tossed out the empties today. It was so windy, I nearly lost the pile of boxes to the wind. But luckily, managed to scoop them all up and into the bin they went. I dusted off my hands, came back inside and sat proudly as I glanced around my new space.

My faithful friend Wally dropped off groceries for me this morning. I actually got up, showered and was dressed before 10 am. I really need to try and get into some sort of normal routine so I can get back into “working” mode – whatever that might look like. I’m waiting for approval on my LTDI application. The migraines have been brutal and constant though.

What does that mean? It means I’m still employed, but I’ll be collecting 70% of my salary instead. This will mean some major lifestyle changes and cutting back on some luxuries. If you can call if that. I didn’t have many luxuries like travel to begin with. And with the pandemic still going strong, until I get vaccinated, this is life now.

How has my life changed? A lot surprisingly, and not so much in some ways.

Cooking Challenges

I’ve gotten back into cooking and have been making most of my meals with exception of take in that I ordered the night I moved in here. My sister also dropped off a couple of dinners for me that I ate while still unpacking the kitchen. The kitchen was my priority. I had that done by the end of the first weekend. Next came my spare room, living room and bedroom. While things are unpacked, I am still going through the bins to figure out what I’m keeping and what is being donated.

I love how much room I have here now. My living room is spacious and I have a nice carpet I can lie down on and workout on. There are no mice here. Which means I have a clean floor and don’t have to worry about a critter crawling on me. Or mouse droppings. I’ve checked daily and am happy to report – mouse free for two weeks. I can’t tell you what a relief this has been.

Now that I have a clean and organized kitchen, I’m cooking almost nightly. The nights that I don’t cook, I’m eating leftovers. I feel a lot better for this and it gives me something to do at night time. I’m trying to get back into healthy eating, so my fridge is stocked up with fruits and veggies that will be washed later on this afternoon.

In an effort to save money on food, I’m trying to more mindful of how much I buy. The upper level of my fridge is small and can only hold so much food. So my buying methods have changed. I can also walk across the street to the Dollar Store and No Frills. My sister picked up a microwave so I’m a little low on counter space.

What’s for dinner tonight? I’m thinking I need to use up the kale in the fridge. Maybe a nice quiche. I just love having a working oven. Scratch that. A working kitchen. I’ve fallen in love with my fridge even though it’s a bit tall for me.

I love the quiet.

The BEST part of this place is how freaking quiet it is. The only noises I hear so far are from traffic. I might hear the odd noises from plumbing or the building settling. Or the heating vents kicking in. But even on the holiday weekend, it was SO quiet.

It’s so quiet that I actually leave the windows open to listen to traffic. I also love my balcony. It’s massive. Once the tree grows in, I’ll have a lot of privacy too. Even the traffic noise is quiet compared to downtown living.

The view from the balcony is decent. But the view from my spare room is far more spectacular. I only wish the windows were larger. I took this yesterday morning at 6 am as I stumbled to the bathroom.

I love my new bathrooms. I have a small one with a full shower/bath. And then the master bathroom is huge. And the thing I love most – is the large tub. I’ve missed having baths. This thing is huge and it’s really clean compared to my old tub. No matter how much I cleaned it, it always felt dirty because it had scuffs and stains on it. This room. This is my go to room to unwind at the end of the night. I put on some music. Light a candle. And enjoy a hot bath.

I only have one complaint about this place in general. It’s the walls and baseboards. They’re in pretty rough shape with peeling paint. That’s general wear and tear. I’m not complaining about it to the owner though. He knows. And he is open to renos in the future. The wall color is outdated too – remember this phase in home renos? But I love having carpet again and my feet stay clean.

I will take better pictures once I have cleaned the room and it’s decorated to my liking. It’s a work in progress. Yes, the boxes have been moved lol.

Some other perks are having an elevator again. And a buzzer. I can just ring people in for deliveries up until 6 pm. Which is okay for the most part. If I order in dinner, I’ll just have to order in earlier. For visitors or dropping off supplies, I have my parking stall.

I just meet whoever is coming by the garage and let them in. It’s nice not to have to walk so far to the door – and people don’t have to rush out because they’re parked on the street. It’s safe. I feel safe.

And that’s the main thing. I feel safe here. Walking is safer.

Sure there are sketchy people everywhere, but compared to downtown, this is so much nicer.

I can even put up with the neighbourhood children screaming at each other. They’re usually inside by dinner time anyway. Even the stores close around 9-10 so at night time – it gets really quiet.

And so that’s where we are this Thursday afternoon. Thinking about how much life has changed. I’ve seen family more in the past month than in the past five years. And that says a lot. It’s why I chose this place.

I’ll share more pictures as I decorate. Here’s my fireplace which I love love love. I’ve always wanted one of these. It looks great at night time. The room is still a work in progress.

How’s your week going? What changes have you made this year? This was a huge one for me!!