Tag Archives: dreams

mindfulness

Spiritual empaths and natural empathy

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The other day I came across a really good blog post by Dr. Perry. I followed him back in 2020 and other authors like him when I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’ve had issues with anxiety all my life but my doctor never diagnosed me. It’s a shame really.

This article on Empathy really spoke to me in a lot of ways. You may have seen me refer to myself as an empath and that is very true. An empath is a person who is very sensitive who attuned to the spiritual world around them.

I suppose it’s one of many reasons that I am a homebody. Being around people can be exhausting at times especially if they give off negative or oppressive vibes. Some people wear their trauma on their sleeve and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but when you are an empath, you wear their feelings too. Without even realizing it sometimes.

Spiritual Empaths

Being an empath means having a heightened awareness of emotions and and feelings of other people. You can easily pick up energies around you and this rang true for me for most of my life.

A spiritual empath is someone that has a natural ability to feel empathy on a deep level. Don’t get me wrong. Everyone has the ability to be empathic or to feel empathy for others. But there are some people, like me, who are born with this gift.

Signs that you might be an empath

There are several indicators that can help you determine if you are a spiritual empath. Keep in mind, that spiritual empaths are different than those that can feel empathy. Spiritual empaths tend to feel things more strongly and pick up on energies that others cannot.

  • Feeling someone’s pain or trauma but not recognizing it as your own
  • Heightened sense of awareness about the people around you, the place you are in, or events that are about to happen
  • Inner intuition so strong, that it has saved you from getting into trouble or warned you about other people
  • Sensing the presence of “others” around you – that you can’t see with your own eyes

Picking up on energy around us

When I worked at a local college, registration day would always leave me with this burst of energy. It was like I was high on drugs – which I wasn’t. The school was full of excitement as new students came to register for their first day of classes.

Likewise, during exam time, I would come home with tension headaches or feel the stress that students faced during the day. And if a student had a meltdown, I felt that too.

Desire to help others

It’s what made me so good at that job. I had so many students come into the office begging to see counselors. If no one was around, which was often – I would help them with their resumes and finding jobs.

Sometimes I just listened to them and talked them through their feelings. It wasn’t my job. I definitely wasn’t paid to do that. But I couldn’t let them leave like that. I just couldn’t. So, I talked them down and booked them an appointment with the counsellors.

Years later, I had a former student deliver me a pizza. He was so happy to see me. “You helped me get this job!” he said to me. And then I handed him a $10 tip. “You changed my life!”

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had gone into career counselling. I feel like I missed my calling. It’s something I regret. But I got to befriend seniors through my volunteer work. So, there were a lot of lives I’ve made an impact on now that I look back over my years at the church as a musician.

Inner intuition

This is something I have written about before. Spiritual empaths have a deeper level of intuition that can either be a gift or curse at times. It feels like a stomach ache, cramp or a “bad feeling” when something is about to go very wrong.

The feeling can be about a place, a person, or an event that may happen later on. It’s like an internal warning system that goes off.

For me, I have this with some people. It served me well in the workplace until I became ill. I called it my “spidey” senses. I would get a feeling in my gut that I couldn’t trust a new person. And so, I kept my guard up around them.

Getting out of bad situations

Other times, I got the “punchy-gut” feeling when out in public with friends. I remember at one Canada Day celebration at the provincial building – things were getting a little rowdy and the crowd had grown too big for my liking. I got that punch-gut feeling in my stomach and looked up. I tugged on my friend’s arm and whispered, “we need to leave,” and sure enough – the police came out with batons, guns and shields.

We bolted out of there fast and an instant migraine hit. That sometimes hits too. Migraines from feeling too much tension of those around me. I could literally feel the tension inside of me.

Negative energies or “bad juju”

There have been times when I have felt a presence when entering a new building or home. Walking into the Notre Dame building in Montreal was like this for me. It was hot, stuffy, and had this really dark vibe. I can’t explain it well. I just felt this heavy and oppressive feeling when I sat down to watch a concert. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were being watched by something old. Really old.

I’ve had this feeling when walking into other places. A friend’s home had unusual activity and I got that feeling at night time. She said she felt like she was watched all the time. It depressed her and her health started being affected by it until she finally moved out of the house.

My old house had this feeling from time to time after my mum died. I’ve been in other places that felt oppressive. I call it “bad juju.” It’s a feeling that’s hard to shake.

It’s like the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You get goosebumps on your arms. A shiver runs down your spine. Fear creeps up slowly on you. Or maybe not fear but an uneasy feeling that leaves you almost sick.

Have you ever felt that, walking into a building or home? How do you describe that feeling?

Fantasy, Spirit, Nightmare, Dream

When feelings become too much

Sometimes being around people can be too much for me. I’ve played the piano at my fair share of funerals. I got to a point where the death of a friend hurt, but it didn’t devastate me like when I was younger. I’ve had more than my fair share of loss for one life time.

If I had to perform at the funeral, I learned to shut off my emotions and act like the professional musician that I was. I’m mostly retired now.

None hurt so much as when my mother died eight years ago. After she died, I felt her around me still. Her energy. Her spirit. And yes, before you tell me ghosts aren’t real – I believe in them. I’ve had too many spiritual experiences not to – in all the homes I’ve lived in.

When it comes to grief and funerals, I find I’m just drained after that. I haven’t had to play one in a long time. And when my health started to decline last year, I started turning funerals down, only accepting gigs where I knew the family.

I still grieve for all the friends and family I have lost. This is a constant struggle and one of the reasons I started this blog.

Selfcare for empaths

This is an important part of being an empath. You need to learn to take care of yourself. If that means shutting yourself off to the world for a few days, then do it. Let your friends know you’re having a difficult time and just need more downtime. They will understand.

Meditation, relaxation, hot baths, sleeping – are all great things to do for selfcare. Writing is my main form of therapy. I write probably 4000-5000 words daily. I’m starting to write books about my experiences.

Prayer can help, if you are the praying kind. Pray to whatever deity you have opened yourself up to. Ask for comfort from loved ones who have passed on. Having faith can be a wonderful thing – no matter what that faith is in.

Connect with others like yourself – but be careful about toxic energies and people. You need to cut contact with those people and keep it to a minimum. They will wear your soul down.

Fantasy, Walker, Sculpture, Monument

The eyes of a soul

Getting to know people for me is harder now. But when I was younger, all I had to do was look into someone’s eyes to know what kind of person they were.

If the eyes were cold or they gave me a blank stare – I knew that person was a lost cause. They were a danger to themselves or to others around them. I cut ties or distanced myself from them.

If a person greets you with a smile, and there is kindness in their eyes – that person truly cares for you. Those are the people you want to hold close and keep them in your life.

There’s that saying “he looks like an old soul” – that means their eyes are full of wisdom. If you see “old soul eyes” on a baby or toddler – they are more likely to grow up with spiritual abilities or a natural empath.

You might hear terms from authors like kind eyes, gentle eyes or a cold and unyielding stare. You can tell a lot from a person’s eyes.

Fantasy, Surreal, Eye, Time, Clock

Spiritual beliefs, the afterlife, loss, grief

When it comes to discussing taboo topics like aliens, ghosts and other supernatural entities, I have mostly kept my beliefs to myself. But I fear as my illness grows worse, and the pain becomes unbearable, that maybe my time on this earthly plane is running out. That could be part of the depression too. I’m grieving over the news from my geneticist.

I’ve been thinking more and more about what happens when we sleep at night. What happens to our soul or essence. That part that makes us who we are. I believe that when we die, our physical bodies die and we either bury them or opt for cremation. That’s my plan – it’s better for the environment.

I know that I travel a lot in my dreams. It’s inspired books that I’m working on and short stories. I’ve had visitations from loved ones in my dreams. Mostly, my mother, uncle and grandmother.

I believe that dreams are a doorway to the spirit realm. This is what the Indigenous Elders taught me over the years. There are beings like Shadow Walkers in Norse mythology and Native American culture that possess the ability to move between the spirit world and living world. They can visit us in our dreams. I’ve had one too many dream experiences to know that this could be true.

I’m obsessed with the paranormal and learning all I can about the mythology of spirits, demons, ghosts, whatever other names you have for these entities.

I’ve had people call me crazy. And yet, I’ve met many wonderful people who share the same beliefs and we have exchanged stories. I’ve followed some hospice care nurses on TikTok that all have similar stories of loved ones visiting their patients in their final days.

I believe in an afterlife. There has to be more than this world that we live in. This world is sometimes cruel and painful to live in. In dream form, everyone I meet is healthy. Even my mother is healthy and vibrant. Full of life.

And so, if you’re a non-believer that’s fine with me. But if you start calling me crazy, and tell me to get my brain scanned – you can just move along. It’s fine that we have a different belief system. But I’m going to use this blog to share more of my dream visitations and stories.

I welcome anyone with an open mind to follow this blog and share their paranormal or dream travels with me.

Thank you for reading.

Head over to my Spiritual Guidance section to learn more — it’s a work in progress.

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Dream Speak: What’s your earliest memory?

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This was a question that popped up on Reddit and as I was doing some writing today, a vision popped into my head as clear as thought it happened yesterday.

When I was an infant, maybe just a year old, my mother took me and my siblings on a train ride. It could have been to the mountains, but I honestly don’t remember where we went. I’ve only heard bits and pieces of the story.

Apparently, dad was working and would meet up with us later with the station wagon. Or he wasn’t coming at all. I can’t remember that either. I do know that my mother fell on the way to grab our luggage, with me in her arms.

She had been trying to get away from some bikers dressed in leather jackets and were hanging around the station with their bikes. Funny enough, the bikers helped her up and carried her luggage to the train.

I honestly don’t know how I remember this but. I remember being held in my mother’s arms. She was talking to my siblings. I looked up and out the window. I could see trees and mountains fly by. I can still feel the train shaking on the tracks as it picked up speed.

I think for me, that is the earliest memory I have. But there are more.

Fantasy, Clouds, Island, Sun, Light

Floating dreams

As a kid, I had the craziest dreams, much like I do now. I swear that this one felt so real – I had convinced myself it actually happened.

I would walk out of my bedroom into the hallway and stand at the top of the stairs. I’d place my hand on the left railing, kick my legs up into the air and float down the stairs.

This happened so many times that I’m convinced I must have found some way to float down the stairs. It didn’t hurt when I landed on the carpet at the bottom of the stairs. And sometimes, I would fly across the house.

Apparently, this is a common thing. Many people recall having similar experiences up until a certain age. Later on, I would start having travel dreams. Dreams where I actually traveled to far off places, realms and would even float into people’s houses.

I remember spying on an ex once. I floated up the stairs and knocked on the door. He couldn’t see me, so I floated right into the house like Casper. I could see him in the kitchen. The kids were in the living room. And his now ex wife, was sitting on the couch knitting.

They couldn’t see me – but I could see everything they did. And then, next thing I knew, I was back in my own bed.

Under Water, Fashion, Woman, Underwater

Out of body experiences

The next few memories are a little trippy and disturbing for me. Flying dreams are a different sensation all together. It’s like you can feel your soul or spirit lift out of your body. When the dream is over, it feels like you sink or fall into the body. Science will tell you this is a hypnic jerk. But me being the spiritual person, tends to believe that our soul or spirit travels when we sleep.

How else could I describe to you what our house looked like from aerial view? I had never seen pictures or videos of our neighbourhood from above. We didn’t have drones or video cameras back then. So, how could I possible describe in detail – what the house looked like from above?

I’ve chatted with a few people recently that had similar experiences. It’s mind-boggling that science still doesn’t know much about dreams or astral travel. They call is pseudoscience which means most scientists don’t take it too seriously.

There are other memories but this post is already getting long. It’s funny how I can remember something as an infant, but can’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday without tracking it.

I’m writing about dreams because I had one of the most terrifying nightmares this morning. I can’t even make sense of it. Or explain it. For the first time in a long time, I woke up in fear. Actual fear.

I might start writing about dreams again as I remember them. But we’ll see.

What are your earliest memories? Did you have floating or flying dreams? Do you still have them? Have you ever astral traveled? Let me know in the comments.

Cheers.

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My new meds are causing some crazy anxiety dreams

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It’s Tuesday morning and I’ve been awake since 7:30. The sky is dark this morning even after 9:00 am. I just finally got out of bed, got dressed and have my breakfast and a cup of coffee. Breakfast this morning is a piece of toast with half a banana, some oatmeal granola that I made last night (it’s very crumbly) and a hardboiled egg. Oh, and my one cup of instant coffee that I must have most mornings. Sometimes I don’t because my sinuses cause dry mouth. On those mornings, I just drink a lot of water.

It’s a warmer day today and I tried sitting on the balcony last night. That wind was chilly even though we finally broke 0 degrees. It is supposed to be warm all this week and that is a welcome change, however, it is also supposed to rain today and that means the sidewalks and roads are going to be awful. Why does that always happen on days I have to go out??? I need to see my dad soon. I did get some of the snow cleared off my balcony yesterday but it’s really piled on. The chairs are cleared at least and I knocked a good foot of snow off the railing.

I’m feeling a little more human today and I’m wondering if it’s because I didn’t take my new meds yesterday. Maybe the dosage is too high for starting off. I’m on 500 mg of Naproxen and while it is great for the pain, I’ve been having lots of dizzy spells and nausea this week. Related? I don’t know. We’ll see , I guess. Maybe I’ll just cut the pill in half and see if that helps a bit. Then work my way up to 500 mg. You’re supposed to take the pill twice a day but that seems excessive.

One thing that is crazy is the amount of dreams I am having this week and I wonder if it’s related to the meds. These are pain meds for the migraines and arthritis. I also get a lot of lower back pain from a previous fracture that was never treated. Just making the bed for example can send me into fits of screaming rage – from the pain. But daily exercise seems to be helping a bit with that.

Having weird dreams isn’t a new concept to me. What is weird is that I’m repeating dreams that I had years ago. One dream about my ex felt so real, that it’s messing with my psyche. I was almost convinced that the dream really happened. And now it’s playing with my memory – did this really happen? Did I forget about the incident? Or have I just had the dream so many times that it feels real? This must be what my dad feels like with the hallucinations. It’s a bit scary. Not knowing what’s real or not.

I’ve had different variations of this dream. Sometimes it’s with my ex Kevin. And sometimes it’s my ex Cory. I remember one dream where Cory and I drove for hours trying to find the perfect spot to camp for the night. We went a few times together in real life with his parents and went on a few road trips – one to Radium, BC and one to Cochrane to visit his family. It was a nice and safe relationship – a little too safe for me, which is ultimately why it ended after 2.5 years. We wanted different things. I wanted to move in. He was a mom’s boy and wanted to stay at home. Guess who got married first and wound up having kids. Isn’t that always the way? But there’s no shade there. After we broke up, we patched things up and stayed friends for a while. At least until we both moved onto other relationships. He even helped me move once.

Kevin was a different story. We dated for about a year. It was a serious relationship. I introduced him to a lot of my friends in a certain community. And in the end, I lost some friends when the relationship ended. It’s weird that I would start dreaming about him after we split though. It was a painful breakup but also inevitable. We loved each other, just not enough.

In the dream, we drive for a few hours until we find this old one bedroom cabin. I think we must be lost in the dream because the cabin is empty except for a bit of furniture and a fireplace. We dump our bags inside and wind up sleeping outside in a “lean-to” which is a DIY survival sleeping area made of wood, trees and natural elements. I learned that from a survival weekend camp thingy many years ago.

The dream is always very short and I wake up right after it. We’re lying down on the ground trying to keep each other warm. And then I’m back in my bed. I’m often left scratching my head wondering what the dream could mean. And why is it a different person in each dream? The first few times I had the dream, it was with Kevin. Then Cory. And back and forth. I’m usually pretty good at dream interpretations but this one has me scratching my head. Literally. I need a shower.

These are relationships that have been over for more than a decade and yet these guys still creep into my dreams. I also had a very vivid dream about my high school best friend Trina and our townhouse that we lived in together for about five months in 1996. In the dream, she asked if I would stay home and look after her toddler with last minute notice. She treated me terribly and was using me for money the entire six months I lived with her family (Trina, Scott and the baby).

I point blank looked at her and said, “I’m your roommate. I pay to live here. I’m not free childcare.” And I felt this sense of rage and wanted to punch her in the face. That anger stayed with me a bit when I woke up and I realized it was just a dream. But I guess I have a lot of pent up feelings that I never got to tell her after our last fight. I’ll write about that experience in another post. Moving out had been a big mistake and one I’ll always regret. But it was also an important life lesson – be careful who you let into your life, and your heart.

Anyway, I think that’s it. I just wanted to jot down those dreams before I forget. There’s been so many weird dreams this week that feel so real. And so many dreams of a time in my life that is very hazy. This happened more than 20 years ago! Why am I remembering this now? I thought I let go of it all. But dreams have a weird way of re-hashing things you thought were in the past. And I spent a good hour this morning trying recall more about that time in my life. Maybe it’s something to mention in therapy this week.

That’s enough for me. Time to finish my breakfast, have a shower and get my day started. Off to see my dad hopefully later today. Just waiting for a text from my sister saying it’s okay for me to go. She knows I’ve been sick.

And can someone please tell me why this hardboiled egg is so rubbery and gross? I tasted one yesterday and it was perfect. Oh well!

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Boxing Day Rituals

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It’s 8:30 am and I’m wide awake on Boxing Day morning. I always wake up a little sad on Boxing Day. I love Christmas. But it feels you put so much work into Christmas for a few weeks, and then it’s over. Just like that. Boom. You’re done until New Years – at which I never go anywhere for because it’s too hard to get a cab back home.

I seem to recall a few New Year’s Eve nights when I wound up sleeping over at some stranger’s house because I had been invited to a party with friends and couldn’t get a ride home. That was before Uber or rideshare services came along. We didn’t have cell phones or apps to book a ride home.

I remember after one night of drinking with friends, we didn’t have cab fair, and wound up walking home for two hours. We were also highly inebriated and had no idea where we were going. But I just remember it was extremely hilarious. Thank goodness that was during the summer time. This is also why I don’t drink that much now as a mid-forties female. Hangovers are just too painful.

But boy did I have some good times as a young 20’s something. I would meet someone, we’d hang out as a friends. And then suddenly there would be a group of us new people just hanging out on weekends together. Partying. Shifting from one apartment to the next – because we were all too poor to buy an actual house.

Life seemed simpler back then. It was easier to meet people. You just walked to someone at a bar and struck up a conversation. Or you used dating party lines like Lavalife to make a date. Or chat with someone new. Now it seems like people don’t even want to make new friends. Or don’t have time for dating.

Where am I going with this post? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I only had two glasses of wine last night and I’m feeling a little fuzzy this morning. Wine just makes me so sleepy. I enjoyed a nice quiet dinner with my sister and her family. It beat being alone for the day. We felt enormous guilt for not having my dad there. But honestly – dad didn’t even know what day it was when we talked to him. Dementia is a horrible disease and it’s hard watching someone you love go through it. But it is what it is. We talked about Christmas past and did the best we could to enjoy the night.

I woke up from a deep sleep at 8:00 am and a disturbing dream. In the dream, I had been in a relationship with a man I don’t know. I discovered he had been seeing someone else who kissed him right in front of me. The only thing I said during this scene was: “you’ve been dating 20 months? We’ve only been together 12 months. You were with her the whole time?”

I raised my hand up and tried to slap him, which is something I never do – and my hand was jello. I couldn’t hit him. My hand just flopped around while I tried to smack him on the face.

What does that even mean? Really? Dreams are so weird. And why 20 months specifically? Is something special going to happen 20 months from today? I don’t know.

And on that note, I’m going to drink my coffee, eat my bagel and watch some stupid movies. I also have a book to read – my sister bought me the new Michael J Fox book. I’ve always adored him. I’m lookin g forward to it.

How do you spend your Boxing day? I love pj days.

Enjoy.

Personal, spiritual

I had a dream where I couldn’t remember where I lived.

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Yesterday was an awful day with PCOS pains. I won’t gross you out with details. But I spent most of the day in bed and slept. That’s all you can do on those days. I have about one or two out of the entire month. I took a pain pill last night before bed and just woke up. The drugs certainly make you sleep more. But not only that – oh my – they produce wild dreams.

I just woke up from a dream that’s still fresh and vivid in my mind. I was in a new apartment – this isn’t the first dream like this. I’ve had nightmares where I’ve moved into slum apartments without doing research. I had one dream so often that I had convinced myself I had moved into an apartment and moved out and left all my furniture there. But I know that isn’t possible. I’ve only moved TWICE in the last twelve years.

In the dream, I was meeting up with a friend for dinner. I looked around my apartment which was empty. There was beige carpet on the floor. All the furniture I had in there was my old green couch from the 70’s, and a tv cabinet I had never seen before. What? I have way more furniture than that.

As I inspected the carpet, I could see that it wasn’t firmly in place and there were bulges that appeared to be moving as though some giant rat or other rodent was living under it. I ran out of the apartment screaming and found myself sitting on bench near an elevator in a mall.

My friend Louise walked by. She sat down on the floor. She was maybe drunk? I couldn’t tell. “Please just leave me alone, I need to just sit here for a minute and rest,” she said to me.

I shrugged my shoulders and left her alone while I looked through my purse for some identification. Or something with my address on it. I couldn’t remember my new address! I asked Louise is she knew but she was sleep already on the floor of a busy mall.

There was a purse sitting on the floor beside – a navy blue purse. Two women came up to us frantic, looking for a lost purse. One grabbed it. She was wearing a navy dress like my mom would have worn. She even had dark hair like my mom. “Oh thank god,” she said as they scampered away with the purse in hand.

I looked over at Louise who was still snoring like a baby on the dirty floor. I searched through all the texts on my phone – the old Android I had at my old apartment. I couldn’t find any mention of my new place.

I decided to hop in an Uber car and maybe a drive close to the area would jog my memory. I got up to say goodbye to Louise. She just muttered at me and said “leave me alone,” – not like her at all. When I came back to the bench – I thought I saw some envelopes I might have dropped. My hands were full of notebooks and other things I don’t remember having with me. My dreams are weird like that.

There was a pile of vanilla envelopes on the bench with red pen written all over them. I peaked at them.

“No shows” was scribbled all over one.

“Just okay” was scribbled all over another one. And other comments like, “passable” or “potential hire”. There was a large red binder with a name written on it that said, “actually walked out of the interview.”

I considered sticking around to find out who was doing the hiring and for what position. But it was getting late and the mall was closing. I looked over to say goodbye to Louise again – but she was gone. There was no sign of her. I shrugged my shoulders and headed to the elevator.

Next thing I know I’m in the back of an Uber. The Uber pulls up to 17th avenue – which is really far south instead of 117 street – which is an area I’m considering moving to in the spring if I can afford it.

I got out of the car and realized I was at some kind of Aboriginal lodge. There were buffalo and other animals all around me. The driver and I watched as this herd of sheep and baby cattle roared through the sandy road. I looked up at him as if to say, “Did that really just happen?”

I wish I could tell you what happened after that – but I woke up drenched in sweat and it was time to get out of bed. I slept in way past the normal get up time of 8:00 am. It’s almost time to take another pill. I think I’ve slept enough for the last two days. I don’t want to spend the entire day in bed!

Honestly, sometimes these dreams just leave me scratching my head. It felt so real. And now I’m wondering what the hell building I moved to – so I can avoid it?

How have your dreams been lately?

Happy Thursday. There’s a photography post coming your way shortly.

Personal, spiritual

Movie Review – Doctor Sleep

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Last night, I stayed up late and watched Doctor Sleep. As a teen growing up in the 80’s and 90’s, I loved reading scary books before going to sleep. It’s partially why I have so many nightmares. But I think it also is what developed my love for story writing and writing in general.

I love horror movies. But every now and then I need to take a break. I was never a fan of gore or lots of blood in movies. For me, a good horror movie has to have a good plot.

As a kid, movies like Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Alfred Hitchcock’s, The Birds, terrified me.

I’ve written about this scene before – but I’ll leave it here again. This scene still stays with me – all these years later. It’s no wonder I fell in love with Donald and Keifer Sutherland as actors over the years.

By age 13, I had read most of Stephen’s Kings books. The Shining was a terrifying read. The book was so much scarier than the movie.

I actually forgot that Doctor Sleep had come out and saw it trending last night on Twitter. So, I decided to watch it on my not so legal (but still okay in Canada) streaming website.

I won’t give too much of the plot away. Even though the monsters didn’t have a name, “The Shining” refers to a psychic gift or ability that some children have. The gift varies from child to child.

Some can see into the future. Some children can see spirits or evil entities. Some can astral travel while dreaming – or have out of body experiences while wide awake. While one of the main characters of the movie, could jump into other people’s mind and invade their private space.

As someone who astral travels a lot in my sleep this idea disturbed me. And so, I laid awake until about four in the morning almost afraid to even fall asleep.

My dreams are always “out there” weird. I travel to countries I’ve never been. I meet up with people I’ve never met. Once I traveled back in time and followed Mozart around on the cobble streets and watched with amusement as he drunkenly hit on women on his way to his local watering hole.

The dream felt so real. I remember learning in the dream that Mozart died from an infection and my mind ultimately went to syphilis or another STD. In today’s world, these can be cured with pills. In those days, syphilis was a silent killer.

When I woke up from that dream, I hopped online to learn what Mozart had died from. And the cause of death was “unknown infection from high fever.” I looked up his other symptoms and they matched common symptoms of early syphilis.

I laughed at that. The dream had felt so real it was as though I was getting a glimpse into Mozart’s life. I remember the feel of the cool cobblestone on my feet as I carefully stepped in between the stones. I could hear light music in the background and the sound of distant chatter.

So, when I watch movies like Insidious and now Doctor Sleep – it leaves me with all these thoughts and feelings and “what if’s”.

What is we really travel when drift off to sleep? What if our minds tap into other dimensions? There’s very little scientific evidence to back these theories or claims up – but there are lots of studies still being conducted today.

I just wanted to take a moment and acknowledge the casting choices of the Torrance family. Actors hired to play the original family – did a brilliant job. I almost thought that was Jack Nicholson at the end in the hotel. Maybe it was a trick of the cinematography.

Sometimes I wonder if I should write all my dream experiences down and turn them into a book. Question is, would anyone read it? These are thoughts that keep me up at night time.

Doctor Sleep – if you’re a horror fan, check it out. It wasn’t entirely disappointing.

Personal, spiritual

Dream Speak: Stress Dreams

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Last night, I crawled into bed at exactly midnight. I tried staying up late but I was so tired that I gave up and caved in at 11:56. I put in a good effort. But sometimes my sinus issues makes me more tired than I actually am. Or this is life from now on. Who knows.

I woke up from a stress dream that left me a bit perplexed. I’ve had a lot of those lately. Random dreams about random stresses in my life.

Most of you who read my blog know that I play the organ for a small church in town. This is something I’ve done for 15 years. And love it. But when stress creeps into my life, it usually manifests itself in all it’s ugly glory and appears as stress dreams. Or even more fun, night terrors And even better than that – sleep paralysis. I’ve had fully blown hallucinations from sleep paralysis. Not fun at all, I tell you.

Last night’s dream threw me off a bit. I was sitting in a pew in a crowded church. It looked very much like the Catholic church my mother used to drag us to every Sunday. That’s where I learn to read sheet music. I was bored to tears and would sing along to the hymns.

I was surrounded by strangers who were chanting and singing along to “Now we thank our god” when all of a sudden, I found myself sitting at the organ. I had already missed playing a verse because I couldn’t find the hymn in their hymnal book.

I panicked as the crowd started singing the second verse. No one seemed to notice that I wasn’t playing. I played the first chord. And started having flash backs to the first wedding I played the organ for. It was a scary experience.

Everything I played on the organ, came out wrong. Then they moved onto the next hymn and I was still trying to find the hymn – the number 345 appeared on the wooden board where they displayed hymn numbers. But that didn’t make sense. To me, number 345 was Morning Has Broken – a favorite of mine (and my mother’s).

Finally, the singing stopped and I found myself back in my seat. Next to me, sat friends from the church were I play the organ. I couldn’t figure out how I got there so fast. That’s how my dreams are. They seemingly flip from one scene to the next.

And then I moved to another dream. A handsome and dashing man from the crowd honed in on me to tell me how amazing my performance was (huh? what performance?) and asked if he could take me home. I said yes. And the dream turned into… um. Let’s just go with, something else.

All I know is I woke up from that dream and scratched my head. I have no idea what it means. But … is it a bad sign that I started off a new decade with a stress dream about doing something I’ve loved for fifteen years?

Ponder that scenario for a moment if you will.

I hopped out of bed at 8:15 am and by 9:00 am, I had cleaned up my kitchen and had coffee and breakfast ready. Plans for a semi-productive day are now on hold as I’m considering crawling back into bed. I don’t even know why I got up so early on new year’s day.

Eh, fuck it. I’m going back to bed. Maybe I can slip back into the dream and find out what it all really means.

How does stress manifest itself in your life?

Asking for a friend.

Happy new year!