Tag Archives: healing

intentions, spiritual

April 2023 Intentions: Creating Space & Beltane Celebrations

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The year is moving fast, and April is just a few days away as I’m writing this. Soon, the winter cold will be gone and spring will really be here! We had a few nice days and then hit another cold snap. But things are looking up – and April is often the beginning of our rainy season.

One thing I’m really looking forward to is end of April, early May weather – the snow is pretty much gone by then, and you rarely need a jacket. I’m looking forward to getting outside and being able to walk the trails again.

March recap and highlights

Instead of recapping my list of goals for March, I think I’ll just leave the link here for you to check out for yourself. But one of the major highlights was a change I made to my daily diet about three weeks ago.

Due to higher rent payments and the cost of food, I’m trying to make cuts where it seems logical to do so and food is one of those budgets I’m trying to stretch out. Instead of buying expensive cuts of meats, I’ve learned to add beans to my daily diet – about 1/2 to 1 cup per every meal. Though last night, I decided to give my digestive track a break from beans and it was a bit needed.

I’ve noticed a difference in how my skin feels, clothes are feeling looser, I feel less bloated and swelling seems to have gone down too! I didn’t get out for walks as we hit some really cold weather, but I did make use of my balcony on those warmer days. I’m also craving sweets less, and find I’m losing fat around my midsection and face. It’s such a difference, even though the scales have not budged. Yet. It will. It needs to!

Spring cleaning has begun, and I fixed my vacuum yesterday! It needed a deep clean and I managed to get it working again, saving me more money.

I did not get out and socialize like I wanted to – I had a bad flare early in the month and a snowstorm on the weekend killed plans to attend a witchy market. But there will be more and I hope to hit flea markets soon and perhaps, a farmers market.

Now… we let go of March and move onto April!

April Intentions: Creating Space

April usually means that spring is here if you are living in the Northern Hemisphere. This means warmer weather, and soon, people in Canada will be able to plant seeds in their gardens and watch them grow over the summer!

This month’s spiritual focus should be on:

  • Creating and producing (plants, seeds, food, arts, crafts, energy, etc)
  • Connecting with nature and spending time in your gardens
  • Balance – overall balance of physical and emotional self (anger)
  • Building on self confidence and assertiveness
  • Welcoming new opportunities into your life and accepting them

Start your day off with intention setting

Sit with your morning coffee or tea, meditate while you stir (counterclockwise), Soak in the delicious aromas and think about what you want to get accomplished for the day. Run through a list of plans in your head, or jot them down in a notepad (or digital notebook) – whatever medium you use.

Stop. Deep breaths. Repeat regularly. Your anxiety will thank you.

My Personal Intentions for April 2023

  • Deep clean my condo (windows, floors, walls), organize my balcony and outdoor living space;
  • Decorate the balcony with fairy lights, plant herbs, daisies, and search flea markets and garage sales for cute gnomes or fairy statues;
  • Get out! Be with friends! Start seeing friends again for coffees, lunches and host monthly craft nights here. Attend at least one spring market. This will help with confidence and strengthening connections!
  • Go outside daily: Whether it’s sitting on the balcony, going for walks, or getting together with friends to explore nearby trails and connect with nature. Enjoy at least one outdoor picnic when weather is warm;
  • Meditations and grounding: Meditate daily, practice selfcare (baths, hygiene, exercise, eating healthy), continue with monthly therapy appointments, journal often, focus on healthy relationships and talk with partners when issues come up in a respectful and non-toxic manner;
  • Work on creative projects: Digital art, writing books and stories, crafting and using up beading supplies in my spare room and organize crafting supplies!
Mindfulness Planning Board – created with Canva

Mindfulness Journaling

Do you practice daily mindfulness? If so, how do you incorporate it into your daily life? Do you find that it helps lessen your anxiety? Let me know in the comments what you loved about this post and what you might carry on with you this month.

Word of advice: if you do a 30 day challenge, keep a diary or journal of what you did every day and how it made you feel – you can refer back it to every month 🙂

If you are looking for an online journal, I have a few on my Etsy store – check out the link here.

Site wide sale for 50%!

Thank you for reading!

Beltane & Gaelic May Day

Celebrated on April 30 – May 01, Beltane is known as Gaelic May Day and celebrated in the northern hemisphere to mark the midpoint between spring and summer.

It is known as a Pagan holiday and is one of the eight Sabbats according to the wheel of the year (honored by Pagans, Witches and Wiccans). Festivals can include bonfires, maypoles, dancing, singing, and ahem, performing fertility rituals – whatever that looks like in your part of the world. Beltane, the fires of Bel, honors the Celtic Sun God, Belenus.

I’m including this for April as some stretch Sabbat celebrations for an entire week, and I’d like to do more of this for myself!

For more information, please subscribe to this blog – a full post will be scheduled for the end of the month about Beltane traditions and origins!

What’s happening this month spiritually?

  • April 06 – The Growing Moon or Pink Moon
  • April 06-09 – Christian Easter / Good Friday
  • April 30-May01 – Beltane (Gaelic May Day)

April Correspondences

  • Astrological signs: Aries and Taurus
  • Colors: Red and Gold
  • Elements: Fire (red) and Earth (green)
  • Herbs and Flowers: Basil, Chives, Dragons Blood, Geranium, Thistle, Daisies, Sweetpea, Lilac, Willow, Hazel, Dandelion, Dogwood
  • Incense: Pine, Bay, Bergamot, Patchouli
  • Spirit Animals: Bear, Wolf, Hawk and Magpie
  • Spirits: Plant and Land Spirits, Fairies or Little Folk
  • Stones: Ruby, Garnet, Sand, Quartz, Selenite, Angelite, Diamond
  • The Growing Moon or Pink Moon

Related Information

For more information about my spiritual practices, please visit my Spirituality page. It is a work in progress, like this blog.

Spiritual Practice

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All original artwork was created and licensed through Canva Premium services. By me 🙂

intentions, spiritual

March 2023: Intentions “Mindful March” & Ostara Blessings

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March is already here and I can’t believe how fast this year has gone by. That means, it’s time to review how the last month went – and to set new list of intentions to work with.

February Recap and Highlights

February started off as a difficult month with a series of migraines that lasted for much of the first half of the month. The past week or so has been better and I have more energy. My sleep is basically back to normal and I’m up most mornings by 8:00 am. Sometimes I’m awake by 6:30 am, and sometimes I stay in bed to read – or until I get that “good morning” text from someone that likes to tell me to get up and drink my water.

Last month was really the first month that I decided to do monthly intention setting and the post was short. Going forward, I’d like to take things up a notch. I spent most of the afternoon in between making a delicious stew and apple loaf – designing the images you’ll see below. Canva is a nifty program, and I’m making use of the premium licensing.

Here’s a quick recap of February’s intentions:

For the most part, I stayed on track when feeling up to it last month. There were some days that all I could do was lay down in bed or read. And for that reason, I managed to read 2 books for my Good Reads Challenge. Some other highlights included:

  • Daily intentions: for the most part, I did daily Tarot readings for myself and friends on social media, even just pulling one card. I took some time each night and spent it at my altar, shuffling the cards slowly. Thinking about what I wanted to accomplish or what I needed to hear. I started eating healthier, cooking more, drinking herbal teas again, and am slowly getting back on the right track.
  • Good Reads Challenge: purchased a Kindle Reader for Kindle Unlimited books. I’ve downloaded about a dozen books I’d like to get through this year.
  • Practice selfcare daily: I slipped on this a bit with the migraines but had more relaxing baths in the last two weeks.
  • Getting crafty: I worked on digital art mostly and focused on my book which is coming along slowly.
  • Socializing and connecting with friends: while I didn’t make any new friends, writing daily helped connect me to new people online.

All in all, the month is finishing up strong. While I did not get out and socialize very much (or at all), I managed to keep in touch with friends often and even had a call from my new “friend” in California. We chat daily and it’s nice. I had to skip out on the February Witchery Market due to crappy weather. Here’s hoping that the spring market is better – and I even have a date for it!

Now…onto March! Here’s what’s happening in the next thirty days.

Mindful March

For March 2023 intention setting, I’d like do a little something different and work with daily intentions, gratitude and meditations. You can adapt this list and make it work for whatever your spiritual beliefs are. And if you are not a spiritual person, then feel free to just focus on the mindfulness part of it. The idea is that for the next 30 days, try and incorporate one of these rituals into your daily routine.

Start your day off with intention setting and coffee

Sit with your morning coffee or tea, meditate while you stir (counterclockwise), Soak in the delicious aromas and think about what you want to get accomplished for the day. Run through a list of plans in your head, or jot them down in a notepad (or digital notebook) – whatever medium you use.

I wrote a more in depth post the other month on How to Incorporate Mindfulness into your daily routine – read it here.

Ideas for daily mindfulness

  • Start your morning off with stretches to get the blood in your veins pumping. This will give you a boost of energy for your day.
  • Go outside, connect with nature and take stock of the beautiful things around you – pick at least 2 or 3 things. Take a picture, sketch if you’re an artist, or just take in the natural beauty that is Mother Earth.
  • Reach out to those in your life you care about and who may be struggling. Let them know you are there for them.
  • Say something nice to a random person, or to someone you know. Brighten up someone’s day to give them that dopamine hit.
  • Bullet journal and or aim to write 500-1000 words daily if you are a writer like me.
  • Work on arts and crafts, scrapbook, or garden if the weather is appropriate to do. Keep your hands and mind occupied with tasks that bring you joy.
  • Take at least one day where you can be on your own, or at least have your own time for a luxurious bath, or take a spa day.
  • Listen deeply to a friend in need, and really take in what they are saying.
  • Pause briefly, to take a moment and look up at the stars or the moon in the sky. Reflect on what the universe might be telling you.
  • Practice daily meditate, gratitude or consult your Tarot cards or runes if that’s what you’re into. Remind yourself of all the good things you have in life. And try and let go of the negative.

Stop. Deep breaths. Repeat regularly. Your anxiety will thank you.

My Personal Intentions for March

  • Get up before 8 am daily, drink water first thing, enjoy a sustaining breakfast. Think about intentions while drinking coffee. Make a list of things to achieve for the day.
  • Daily meditations, gratitude, and mindfulness techniques as listed above – I will try as many as I can. Also keep up with daily exercises and fresh air.
  • Write daily, at least 2000 words whether on this blog, journaling, or for my books. Work on graphic design, crafts and start organizing my home. Spend less time on Fetlife, and more time researching and learning.
  • Read daily and try and finish 1 book each week.
Mindfulness Planning Board – created with Canva

Mindfulness Journaling

Do you practice daily mindfulness? If so, how do you incorporate it into your daily life? Do you find that it helps lessen your anxiety? Let me know in the comments what you loved about this post and what you might carry on with you this month.

Word of advice: if you do a 30 day challenge, keep a diary or journal of what you did every day and how it made you feel – you can refer back it to every month 🙂

If you are looking for an online journal, I have a few on my Etsy store – check out the link here.

Thank you for reading!

Ostara and Spring Equinox Blessings

Ostara is just around the corner and thus marks the beginning of spring. That means the long days of darkness are soon to be over and the days will become a little longer. Already here, the sun comes out before 8 am and sets long after 6 pm.

Ostara is one of the eight Sabbats of Wicca or Pagan celebrations and one of my favorites on March 19-20-21. Celebrations are held around the world as people welcome the longer days.

This is the time people think about planting seeds for flowers and food, and also cleaning up the home – or decluttering. It’s a good time for meditation, and clearing out the clutter in your head and heart too.

Make sure to come back to this blog on March 20th, as I will be sharing my own rituals and thoughts for Ostara.

Created using Canva.

What’s happening this month spiritually?

  • March 07, 2023: Full Moon – Worm Moon
  • March 20-21, 2023: Ostara, Spring Equinox

March Correspondences

  • Astrological signs: Pisces and Aries
  • Birthstones: Aquamarine and Bloodstone
  • Colors: Go with spring colors, pastels, yellow, blues, pinks
  • Power animals: Lion, birds, grasshopper, bearded dragon
  • Wolf moon: intense dreams, start a new project, ritual, illumination and transformation

Related Information

For more information about my spiritual practices, please visit my Spirituality page. It is a work in progress, like this blog.

Spiritual Practice

Ostara Blessings

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mindfulness, relationships

Be your authentic self and your people will find you

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The sun is shining and it’s going to be a beautiful day where I live – which is nice as the past couple of days have been dreary outside and we had a lot of snow the other night.

I’ve been trying to rack my brain for content this week and nothing is coming to me. So, I’m going to get a bit personal.

Recently, I had a fallout with some people that really hurt. And while I recognize my part in it, I definitely do not feel the actions received from others were warranted. It led me to a path of self-reflection and shadow work which I’m now finally coming out of and seeing the world in a new light. I’m also trying to recognize negative aspects of myself and working on shedding those too, to make for a brighter future and healthier relationships.

I promise I’m not obsessed with it – I take it as a learning opportunity in what not to do for next time.

I’ve already touched briefly on what mirroring behaviors look like in a recent post, so for this post, I’ll stick to what was discussed yesterday with my therapist.

Social Media Friends

When it comes to Fetlife, I make friends pretty fast. I’m a flirt, and post a lot of different types of content from art, memes, and journal writings. That content is how I met the majority of Fetlife friends – and some friends in real life too.

But when you’re a “sparkling” personality, people see your shine and want to dim it for whatever reason. Maybe they are jealous. Or maybe they want to be like you and get the same kind of attention. So, they start copying or mirroring your image.

The thing about posting on social media, is that people only see snippets of your life. They might not like what they see. And sometimes, people only share the positives and good times to boost themselves up. Not a bad way to do it either.

Part of my kinky personality is being a brat (to those friends who are consenting) and to those in general that wish to participate. It’s all in good fun. Brats get a bit of a bad rep as there are those who take it too far and cross boundaries.

With me, I tend to get people hyped up and they get in on the fun. It’s provided a lot of great laughs. And helped to form relationships quickly.

Unfortunately, there’s a caveat.

When life stops being all fun and games

When it comes to fickle friends, they thrive on attention from others. The kind of attention that gives them dopamine rushes and makes them feel good. So, when you stop providing them that attention and focus on you – you’re called all kinds of names.

Or worse – you’re dropped and replaced by the next shiny thing that comes along, who will provide them the attention they need. They latch onto other people like leeches.

I had one friend that did this and it got to the point where she would message me all night on Discord and I had to mute her notifications, to get some sleep.

When life stops being fun and you request to take time to yourself, or you are working through health issues – you find out quickly, who your real friends are. They are the ones that stand by you unconditionally. And they are the type that will reach out to you to check in on how you’re doing, or offer an ear when needed.

For me, sure, I love the attention. Always have. At least the good kind of attention and not the creeps that come surfing by. But I never act out of malice or with ill intentions.

Stay true to who you are, your people will find you

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve found that spark again. The spark I thought I’d lost forever. I realized how much I changed myself for the play partners in my life and how much I muted my personality too.

And now, I’ve said… fuck that.

I’m going to be my authentic self. Unapologetically, so. If people have an issue with the content that I post, that’s not my problem. They’re happy to unfollow, unfriend, or scroll on by like I do. And let me tell you – there is a lot of crap that you have to scroll on by on Fetlife.

And I think that sometimes scares people who a) refuse to take accountability for their actions. And b) people who aren’t ready to do the inner work themselves. Or maybe they aren’t willing to admit they need it.

Does that make them bad people?

Not necessarily.

But it does become toxic when people demand certain energy from you like “good vibes only” or “no negativity.” That gets old, really fast. I find with those people, you never really know who you are dealing with.

For me, I’m a realist and that often gets seen as negative. I’ve had to be in my life when dealing with chronic illnesses. Sometimes, life is what it is and other times, you make the most of what you’ve got.

My unsolicited advice for the day:

Just be you. Those who get it, will love you for it. And those that don’t, let them leave. You will be better for it. And life will become better.

Have you ever had someone in your life mirror your actions or copy your behaviours to gain your attention? If so, how did the relationship turn out for you?

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mindfulness, shadow work, spiritual

What is Shadow Work and why is it necessary for trauma?

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Shadow work is working with your unconscious mind to uncover parts of yourself that you may have repressed or hide from yourself. This could include past traumas, hurts, or negative aspects of the shadow self, that we all possess.

What is our shadow self?

Our shadow self is thought to be the parts of ourselves that make us undesirable to others. Or parts of ourselves that hold us back from success or happiness. Our shadows can represent things like anger, sadness or depression, anxiety, self-doubt or self-loathing. It can have an impact on your overall well-being and cause blockages with your spiritual beliefs and practices.

Giving in for far too long to our shadow self, can result in struggling in relationships or connections in general. When you suffer from chronic anxiety and depression, it can really make it hard to sustain relationships with others who seem more positive or can shrug off challenges more easily. I am not one of those people.

This was the first time I really dived into shadow work, and it was a draining and exhausting process. It was also lonely as hell. But it’s something I will work continue to work on to help heal.

How to recognize your shadow self

A good way to test yourself, is to gauge how you interact and react towards others. How do you respond when people become aggressive towards you? What about those who do not respect your boundaries?

Are you firm in telling them to stop? Are you firm in sticking to your core values and principles? Or are you the type of person who avoids conflict or difficult situations and tend to ignore your selfcare because you are a people pleaser?

There’s nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, as long as you don’t dismiss your own values in the process.

Consequences of shadow work

When you do shadow work, you get a better sense of what those core values in relationships might look like for you. This can change your entire outlook on current connections in your life. You might lose friends or even your primary relationships.

People who aren’t ready to face their trauma or do shadow work themselves, will often revolt or shy away from those that do.

Shadow work can also reveal trauma you may have suppressed for years and this can open a flood gate of feelings you aren’t prepared for. I do suggest working with trained professionals in counseling or therapy. Or find a support group that you can trust.

You may find yourself becoming emotional for no reason even on those good days. Crying is a big part of it. You may also find you want to sleep more. Pain might surface. Same with tension headaches. If you struggle with any of these new symptoms, please check in with your primary care provider.

Your intuition will peak during this process. You will notice toxic behaviors more and people that you considered to be close friends, will not look the same.

You will go through it. The stages of grief are real. I’m kind of in between I’m ready to let it all go, I’m mad at the world, and I just want to have fun again.

Thankfully, the crying myself to sleep daily has stopped.

Setting intentions with shadow work

One of your intentions with shadow work might be to help heal from trauma or hurt that triggered something from the past. For me, it was an abrupt ending to a relationship. Being made to feel like I was a terrible person when in reality, I wasn’t. Unresolved conflict led me to an anxiety spiral and a serious depressive episode. This led to being ghosted.

This experience brought out a lot of insecurities and resentment from past partners. It also triggered my abandonment anxiety and I went into a bad spiral.

Intentions can be anything you want to work on. I find bullet journaling, writing here in this block and working with Tarot cards really helps to pick things I should focus on. Ideas will often come to me while meditating or working on crafts as well.

You can read more about intention setting here.

Lessons learned during my shadow work

  • Make sure you have clear intentions and an outcome for your work.
  • You will need breaks in between to remember the good things in life.
  • Give yourself a deadline for the hardest parts.
  • Surround yourself with people who are on similar paths that you can learn from. Be wary of those who are “leaders” and stick to ones you get good vibes from. Trust your intuition.
  • Your intuition will peak during this process.
  • You will feel things you’ve never felt before and these can manifest into physical symptoms.
  • You will want to isolate yourself. That’s fine. But don’t isolate too long. You will need friends to help you.

Most importantly: you will lose people. Those who are false friends will reveal their masks once you start taking care of you. It will hurt you more. But you are better off without these people. This will open new doors for new people to come in.

You will discover who your real friends are. The ones who are happy with you as you are and accept you fully despite your faults.

It’s a lifelong healing process

Shadow work can be rewarding and can speed up your healing process from recent hurts. That said, the more trauma you unpack, the more you connect it to your early memories. This can be a lifelong process and you may have to relearn coping mechanism along the way.

The point of shadow work isn’t to stay in the darkness forever. The point of it is to learn to let go of that darkness that hides your shine. You WILL find your inner light again. You will get your spark back.

You just have to keep working at it.

Also, this song came on while I was writing this and I thought I’d share the video. It’s fitting.

Discussion Prompt

Have you ever done shadow work? If so, what were your biggest lessons? What methods worked for you? Did you have a support group? Let me know in the comments.

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relationships, spiritual

Saying goodbye to a community I once loved (kink edition)

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It’s Saturday afternoon and I slept in late today, sipping my first cup of coffee for the day and watching witchy videos on YouTube. This is my happy place. This is how I start off most of my days.

It’s been a while since I did an update post and I thought it was about time. Things have changed. Heck, I have changed – I’m not the same person I was last year, let alone six weeks ago.

Having two relationships that meant a lot to me end around the same time after exploring the poly-am world (multiple partners who were aware of each other), it forced me to take a step back from dating and kink in general. I needed to heal and learn to let go of things that were no longer working for me.

Unfortunately in this process, I noticed that some of my friends were starting to distance themselves from me. Some things I’ve heard recently: “you need to move on, get out there and date” or from others, “positive vibes only.” It seems like if you don’t heal within a specific timeline, you aren’t a stable person to be around.

Depression and anxiety isn’t something you can just shut off and hearing these comments hurt. I realized that the common denominator here was that I was just with the wrong people. Other than kink, we had nothing in common.

While I realize, that I made some mistakes – and could have handled things differently, telling someone they need to “get over it” – isn’t cool either. People need to heal in their own time, in their own way.

And I realized a few things.

Writing out all my thoughts or struggles for all to see in a journal entry – not a good move. People talk. People blocked. And some people refuse to have anything to do with me. Which makes me question their motives even more. Writing is something I’ve ALWAYS done on that site. It’s how most of them MET me. And now it’s a problem? It wasn’t a problem before with other relationships. Hell, they encouraged me to write about those relationships. So, that’s why I’m focusing on my books and this blog. Pouring out my frustration here in the form of spreading information about healing and spiritual vibes.

And so, I realized – the problem was me and the community as a whole. I realized there are way too many rules and expectations that people have of you. People often tend to mirror you and put on a false charade early on. But once you see and recognize patterns, you can’t unsee them. And even pillars of the community, you find out are nothing more than predators. And all the things you were warned of early on – turns out – were actually the GOOD people that I should have gone with initially.

People often cry: “you crossed a boundary” when you really didn’t. Or you didn’t know there WAS a boundary to cross. The responsibility falls on both parties. Boundaries must be clearly communicated. And if they are crossed, then the appropriate thing to do is tell that person. Don’t shy around it. Just tell them.

How can they right a wrong, they didn’t know they committed? So, I call bullshit on that. “Boundaries” is feeling more like a buzzword in that community and thrown around too much. While boundaries are healthy, people should be able to talk freely about them.

Things I learned:

Some things I learned recently, that I wish I could unlearn. But now having seen patterns, I know better. This is the same in many smaller communities.

  • Predators are in leadership roles and they will groom newcomers to the scene. They will try and play with you. And once they are finished or problems arise, you are easily discarded and replaced.
  • People will play with as many people as they want to. They won’t bother to inform you of when they add new play partners to the mix because you aren’t “committed” to them. And they will talk about you to other play partners, but expect you not to talk about them.
  • There is so much secrecy around who is playing with who. You are discouraged from approaching other partners or even attending the same events. And forget being listed on their profile as a primary partner. You won’t ever be.
  • Once you spot the patterns of an abuser or predator — you can’t UNSEE them. You try and warn the next person? You get ousted as being the problem person, trying to stir up drama.
  • Don’t ever go through depression or a bad spell. People will drop you if your healing doesn’t happen within their timeline.
  • Don’t sacrifice your boundaries because you are a people pleaser or natural submissive. Fuck that. Fuck them. Stick to your boundaries. Look after you – because NO one will.
  • You WILL be branded as a trouble maker or problem person because you refuse to conform to their rules or cultish ways. I am no longer their vessel for them to use and abuse. And that pisses them off the most.

These are not just things I’ve learned for myself – but through observations in general. Talking to friends and hearing about their experiences. Having friends call me and cry to me on the phone about being treated like crap by their play partners. And yet…you speak up about it, or try and talk about the abusive situations, and you’re told NOT to write anymore.

Just writing this could land me in hot water, but I no longer care. I’ll make my own groups. Stick with my own friends. Play long-distance if I have to. The community has far too many predators and I speak from experience as someone who was physically assaulted by more than one over the years.

So, that’s where I am this Saturday. Single. Finally in a good head space. Feeling STRONGER than ever. And doing my own damned thing and starting to thrive and shine.

The thing they don’t tell you:

The ones who really love you for who you are will stand by you, no matter what you go through. Those are the friends you hold dear. They don’t enforce timelines. They don’t gaslight you. They don’t manipulate you. And they certainly, don’t use you. And you will lose them (the players), as you start to heal yourself.

anxiety, mindfulness

How to incorporate mindfulness to your daily routine

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Mindfulness is described as being the state of being aware or a state that keeps you in the present moment – instead of dwelling on the past, or worrying about future events that you have no control over.

As someone who struggles with anxiety, this is difficult for me but also a necessary part of healing and moving forward in life. In addition to incorporating daily spiritual practices, I thought I would share some ideas and tips on how you can practice mindfulness in your daily life.

These are things you can do from anywhere – even if you’re on the road or traveling. It won’t cost you anything and you only need minimal supplies.

My spiritual workings involve a lot of meditation, journaling and doing a lot of these things already – so, don’t be surprised if some of my advice is overlapping in some areas.

Start your day with intent

Something I’ve always done as an anxious person, is wake up in the morning and run through a list of things that I need to get done for the day. I keep calendars and sticky notes with reminders of important tasks or appointments that I can’t miss. I run through plans multiple times in my head to make sure that I won’t be late or miss anything I need to do.

Now that I’m not working, my to do list is a lot shorter. So, it’s important for me to find things to do during the day that fill up the time and give me a sense of purpose (as health and symptoms allow for). Some days, all I can do is sleep if I have a migraine or in a lot of pain. On those good days, like today – I feel motivated and try to be productive where I can.

  • Take some time after you wake up, or during your morning routine to think about what you want to accomplish that day. Whether it’s finding time for yourself to meditate. Or get that workout in. Or go for a walk. Visit with a friend. Whatever it may be – set an intention for you that brings you joy. Even if it’s something like buying a coffee and drinking it while listening to music.
  • Check in with yourself during the day. Make adjustments if necessary to fit it in with your schedule. Remind yourself why this is important to you and why it is needed. The more you do this, the easier it will become a habit for you.
  • Rinse and repeat – every day, until this becomes second nature to you. Soon, you won’t even need a journal or to write things down. You’ll train yourself to be able to just follow through. The important thing is not to give up on those down days when you’re feeling low. Don’t be too hard on yourself. And don’t set unrealistic intentions. Start small and work your way up.

Mindful Eating and Exercise

Too often, I find myself eating meals at my computer while watching my favorite YouTube channels or binge watching shows in the evening. Sometimes, I eat so fast, that I feel hungry within an hour or two, and then crave junk food which always makes me feel worse.

One thing that can help with weight loss and improving eating habits in general, is to be more mindful of how you eat – now just what you eat.

  • Take a few deep breaths before eating. Calm your mind. This works better if you eat meals alone or on your breaks. Eat slower, chew slowly. Enjoy every bite you take.
  • Eat the foods you love – don’t force yourself to eat foods you’re not a fan of. Eating should be pleasurable. If weight loss is your goal. do research into healthy meals – there are lots of foods out there that can help you meet your goals, you just have to put a little time and effort into them.
  • Listen to your body. Pay attention to how hungry you are. If your stomach is getting full, don’t force yourself to eat all the food in front of you. Package some of it up for later. Or eat smaller meals throughout the day. This will depend greatly on any medical conditions you have or special diet requirements. Eat to sustain your energy, not because you are bored or feeling sad.
  • Look at your relationship with food – do you have healthy eating habits? Do you often forget to eat or skip meals? Do you eat out of boredom or to help with grief or strong feelings? Once you recognize your eating patterns, you can work on your relationship with food. You may need to recruit a professional therapist or counsellor if you really struggle with it.
  • Move a little every day – You don’t have to get an expensive gym membership or build a full gym at home to incorporate exercise into your daily routine. Start small. Use the stairs instead of the elevator. Go for a walk on your break. Go to the mall and walk the halls in winter months. You can do things like yoga or pilates at home. As long as you move at least 15-20 minutes daily, you’ll notice a shift in how you feel overall.

Meditation to strengthen your focus

As someone with undiagnosed ADD, I struggle a lot with focusing on specific intentions or tasks. I easily get distracted or become disinterested in things the moment I get started on. Even with this article, I started on it five hours ago – and have worked out, cooked dinner and completed other tasks that I could have waited on.

Meditation can really help strengthen your focus. This can be done by focusing on your breathing, listening to music, or doing something physical like yoga. For me, music is my meditation. Or I have to force myself to lie down and try and clear out thoughts that are running a mile a minute in my busy and anxious brain.

Here are some types of meditations you can do, to help “slow your roll” and that may help to strengthen your focus.

  • Deep breathing exercises
  • Body scan meditation (lay down, relax, focus on breathing)
  • Sitting meditation (with intent)
  • Walking meditation (connect with nature)
  • Music meditations – binaural beats, alpha, or theta (I’ll write another article on this)

Bullet journaling or practicing or writing

This is something that is new to me and I have a private journal I write in often, especially on those low days where I want to keep thoughts to myself. On good days, I’ll write a post here or share with my friends.

Using a daily bullet style journal is a very useful tool for practicing the art of mindfulness. It’s about self-exploration, writing down thoughts that come to you or questions that might come up. You can jot down your feelings about certain events or situations. Or you can create lists of intentions and things you want to accomplish.

You can do this the old fashioned way, on pen and paper. Or you can download journals from sites like Etsy and use on your tablets. Journaling has come a long way and you can tailor something to help meet your bulleting needs.

I try and write a little every day. Whether in this blog, my private journals, or working on my short stories and books. This is a hobby for me, and helps me relax.

Why is mindfulness is important?

If you’re a person like me that struggles with anxiety, adding these practices to my daily life can not only give me something positive to focus on, but also can greatly reduce the number of panic attacks or anxiety attacks I might have in a given day.

Living with chronic pain and a disability can be difficult to manage – especially on those days where it seems like just getting out of a bed can be a chore. I felt a lot of guilt for not being able to work, and now, I’m accepting this is life now. And I’m making the most of the time I have here. This blog is a hobby for me and I’m writing about issues that bring me joy.

Mindfulness can help manage illnesses like generalized anxiety, depression and other mental health issues that you might struggle with. If you live with daily pain like I do, it might even help boost your serotonin (the happy hormone) or dopamine, and give you energy needed to get your daily tasks done.

You may even find over time, that your relationships become easier to manage as you learn new coping techniques for stressful events. You learn what’s worth fighting for, and what’s worth letting go of – even if it hurts.

Learning to work with things you can control, and letting go of what you cannot control, is honestly a game changer when it comes to mindfulness. Knowing that you’re doing the best you can, in extraordinary circumstances, focusing on what you can do, while letting the universe take the wheel for the rest.

What are some ways that you incorporate mindfulness into your busy routine?

If you loved this article, then please consider subscribing. I write often and this blog has gone through a major change and renovation. It’s still a work in progress, and I’m excited to share what I’ve learned with you.

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mindfulness, spiritual

The thing about shadow work they don’t tell you

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For the past month or so, I’ve mostly kept to myself. Focusing on healing and shadow work. Trying to let go of outdated patterns that no longer serve me well. Also, trying to move on from this depression.

But the more time that goes on, while I feel less hurt, and I’m not crying on a daily basis – it still stings.

Shadow work can be draining in itself. When you’re forced to face your trauma head on, especially if it’s the reason for a relationship ended or failing – you’re also forced to look inside yourself to figure out why these relationships fail.

In asking for space and time to heal, I lost some friends that I used to talk to often. I think that’s the hardest part of a breakup, especially when you see your ex’s out in the same community. It’s one of the reasons why I left the alt community in the first place. Too many ex’s and everyone seemed to play or hook up with each other. To the point where it gets “icky” for me to think about.

Something I have learned recently, is that when you do the work on yourself to heal and grow – and you share your experiences – it can scare friends away. And not for the reasons you would think.

I think in some cases, maybe those people aren’t ready to face their inner demons or work on their trauma. Yes, they acknowledge they have issues, and pain, but they continue to move through life without doing anything to help overcome it. And trust me when I say, there comes a point where you recognize your patterns can be hurtful, and you want to make changes. Well, maybe not for everyone.

There are some people that have stood by me through this and are noticing the growth and changes I’ve made. I’m not writing daily – at least not on social media for friends to see. I’m more working on artwork, and getting back into editing and rewriting my book series. It’s distracting. In between sleeping and naps. I cannot seem to get enough sleep – another side effect of shadow work. It drains you.

I think the lesson here for me, and something my Tik-Tok feed keeps telling me is this:

People come and go into your life for reasons and seasons. Some are there to teach you karmic lessons. And others, will stay by your side, and support you on your journey, no matter what it looks like.

For me, I’m grateful for those friends I’ve had for years who have stuck by me. They’re the ones I can rely on. Some read this blog. They’re the people I can visit with, after months of not seeing each other, and we just pick up like no time has passed. Or we can sit in comfortable silence, watch a movie, or a concert and just enjoy each other’s company.

I’m really trying to let go of those people that don’t want to be in my life. But it’s hard when it’s a small community. There are some that I love dearly, and want to keep in touch with. Even though there is hurt there.

I wonder if part of the thing with shadow work – does healing and letting go of trauma, make you rethink those connections and friendships you thought were right for you? Were they really friends, or were they just hanging onto you for whatever reasons? Maybe you provided a service to them. Or maybe you made them feel good with attention.

Or maybe.

Part of healing is recognizing to see the bullshit that others put into the world. You catch on more easily to who the players are. You’re moving into a new phase of your life, where you’re just tired and don’t have the energy to put up with the crap.

You re-evaluate your core values and boundaries. And when you enforce those boundaries, you’re called an asshole and ungrateful. At least, that’s what I learned from family. And so, I just disengage. Remove myself from those conversations and people.

There’s a lot I’m feeling right now. And mostly, I want to be alone. I want to write. I want to share my thoughts and ideas. I want to heal. I want to let go of everything and that will happen eventually.

The resentment? Yes, it’s still there.

But deep down, I know I’m on the right path. That these lessons had to happen for a reason, so that I could start this healing journey and unlearn responses to trauma that are from generations of trauma.

So, if you feel like you need to do work – do the work. You don’t have to go it alone, sometimes it’s just better to. Just be careful when you get started.

You won’t look at people in your life the same way again.

And oddly enough. The one person I really want to talk to, is one that I left behind, because I was told he wasn’t good for my mental health. And yet, I miss our nightly chats and flirting the most.

How can shadow work be so therapeutic, rewarding, needed, and yet so fucking lonely at the same time?

mindfulness, spiritual

Working with intentions instead of resolutions

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I’m not a fan of making resolutions at the start of a new year. Resolutions are easy to forget and give up on. Many people often make goals or lists that are unattainable or unrealistic. Or they lose momentum and motivation within the first month of the year.

A good example of this, is how many people buy gym memberships in January and start training, only to quit after a month or two. As someone who prefers home workouts, I’ve never understood this mentality. It just sets you up for failure.

A few years ago, I started off the new year by making a list of goals that I want to achieve. Sometimes, I’ll break the goals down from month to month or I’ll assign deadlines which help keep me motivated.

This year – I’m trying something new and letting go of old habits. Instead, I want to focus on INTENTION – and what that means for me.

What does the word intention mean?

That’s a good question. Intention is one with cause and effect. It determines the outcome of any situation. If you’re stuck, and not moving forward in life, you need to check the thought and action that created your current situation.

Creating a list of intentions for you to focus on – may help you get “unstuck”.

As part of mindfulness and healing, I sat down and asked myself some hard questions this past week. This is part of shadow work – something I’ll write more about later. It’s a form of deep healing that some people do to let go of trauma bonds and emotional grief or disappointments.

Some questions that came up for me were:

  • What are some things I want to accomplish this year?
  • What are things that will help improve the quality of my life?
  • What are things that bring me the most joy?
  • What are some areas that I can improve on?
  • What did I learn last year, that I can carry on to this year?

These questions will help me determine goals that I want to set for myself and aspire to. Instead of focusing on negative, I’m looking at things (even small things) that will help improve the quality of my life.

What are my intentions for the year?

Now, that’s a very good question. My first intention, is to focus on improving my current state of depression and learning to let go of past hurts. Moving forward with lessons learned from what went wrong last year. The year wasn’t all bad. I made some great new friends and had some amazing first experiences. But – there was also a lot of heartache that I’m still recovering from.

The key is to take lessons from those experiences, so you don’t make the same mistakes twice.

Education and spiritual practices

My main goal this year is education. I want to learn as much as I can, and absorb as much knowledge as I can so that I can share these learnings with you. Areas of focus will include: spiritual practices, languages, arts and crafts and learning more about my ancestry – the Nordic roots.

This means getting back into reading. I’d like to read at least ONE book per month. I think that is a pretty attainable goal.

Improving overall health and wellness

This will happen in various stages through the year. Since Christmas, I’ve mostly been catching up on sleep after months of serious sleep deprivation. It means, trying to regulate my sleep patterns.

This means continuing to eat healthy, cook more meals and stock up the freezer for summer months with meals that can be reheated. This means sitting outside more on warmer days and using the balcony daily in warmer months. This means going for nature walks as my knees allow for it. Going for coffee with friends. Attending workshops and events that will help me connect with likeminded people and make new friends.

Practicing daily mindfulness

This means writing more – here in this blog and in my journals. Researching new topics to cover and track my moods. Practice daily gratitude and mindfulness techniques so that I can appreciate the here and now -and what I do have, rather than focusing on what was lost.

Working with my hands

Part of the issue of not working, is that I have a lot of time on my hands. I’m not able to hold down a job due to physical disabilities. The pain is too much at times from arthritis and fractures that I live with. On those good days where I have good energy, I intend to keep my hands busy. Work on bracelets, artwork and create digital products for Etsy. This is a hobby for now. It brings me joy and keeps the mind distracted.

Learning new skills would be helpful so that I can expand my current capabilities in jewelry making. I’d love to make necklaces and sell them to friends.

Staying connected

This is a hard one for me. When I hit depression, or low periods, as I call them, I just do not have the energy or stamina to be around people. I need time on my own to recharge. This often means losing friends and or unintentionally pushing people away.

Something I need to work on is repairing those connections that went awry – and that are meaningful to me. Staying in touch with friends that I want in my life. And – opening up my heart again to the possibility of new friends. This might be the most challenging thought of ALL.

Live with intent and follow up on actions

I think that’s a pretty good list. I try and keep intentions or goals to 3-5 for the year. I tend to revisit my list each month and create a progress report for friends to read if they’re interested.

My main goal is to live with intention. Follow up on promised actions. Make amends. And heal. However that looks from month to month, we’ll just have to wait and see what comes up this year.

One thing I do believe in is – the energy you put out there, often comes back at you. The three fold rule of attraction. I’m working on hard on trying to attract only good things and people in my life. While not tearing down those who may be struggling as well.

What are your intentions for the upcoming year? Let me know in the comments!

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Thank you for reading! Yes, I’m writing almost daily now and have a lot of ideas and ways to improve this blog. I want to make this a place where people can come for uplifting and messages of support, while sharing my experiences with emotional abuse and toxic relationships. I also want to document my healing journey, and what I’m learning through this process to help inspire others.

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moonology, spiritual

Wolf Moon Rituals: Healing and letting go

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This coming Friday, January 6th, is a significant day for spiritual folk as we will shift into a new moon cycle. But it isn’t just the first full moon of the year – this moon is also called Wolf Moon.

What is a Wolf Moon you might ask?

The Wolf Moon is named after the wolves that howl during long winter nights. Howls are wolves way of communicating with each other. The moon takes a more northerly trek across the night sky. It appears opposite to the sun and will be above the horizon longer than any month of the year.

Spiritually speaking, it is thought that the Wolf Moon is a time for deep self-reflection and retrospect. But. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Almost too much. And so for me, I’m going to use this time to focus on healing energies, boosting up my lacking energy, and thinking about what I want out of the coming year.

Reflect on those in your life who are part of your pack. Those you wish to remain close to. Work on healing those relationships that need mending. Check in on those friends who may be struggling.

It’s a time to focus on yourself. If life is chaotic as it often is, find a peaceful spot in nature or in your home that brings you peace. Spend some time alone and meditate. Reconnect with natural elements. Find a spot, if you’re lucky enough to, near water. Collect a jar of water and leave it out in the moon. Have a bath with it to help recharge your soul.

The Wolf Moon also falls on a Friday which is a good day to focus on beauty, love, sex, friendships and connections. Friday is ruled by Freya, the Nordic Venus, the Goddess of Love.

If you’re an artist or crafter, make something. Work with your hands. If you’re a singer or musician, sing, play or dance.

It is believed that full moons can have effects on humans. People report having difficulties sleeping, increased REM and “crazy” dream experiences. Those in retail or emergency services will be the first to tell you that on nights of the full moon, hospitals and places of business can become chaotic.

In some cases, it can bring on or exasperate symptoms of anxiety, depression and other mood disorders. Which is why meditating and grounding yourself can be so helpful on these nights.

Colors: aqua, light greens, cyan blue and pink (think pastels)
Elements: Libra, Taurus
Crystals: rose quartz, jade, malachite, emerald

Go be one with nature if you can. Reconnect with your natural surroundings. And howl at the moon if you must.

Personal

Self-care: why crying is good for you

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The other week, I responded to a question in Ask Reddit and for once, it was a really good question. I’ve lost track of it now, buried far deep in dozens of comments and replies. But the gist of the question was this:

I can’t cry. I want to cry. I know I should cry. But I can’t cry. How can I teach myself to cry?

My response was fairly short, as I was on my phone. If I’m commenting using my phone, responses are short because I’m all thumbs when it comes to texting. It’s legitimately painful. I’m better at a computer with a keyboard. And so, I kept my response to short, but to the point. And then, like many other comments, I walked away from it and forgot about it until the next day.

Well, my phone had blown up with over 30 comment responses overnight. I had received a couple of rewards and over 1000 upvotes. It’s crazy how fast those things can add up over comments you don’t think are important.

What fueled my response was thinking back to my mother’s death. The days leading up to her death, spent with the family curled up in her hospital room – I was comfortably numb. To coin a phrase. I didn’t cry on the day she died. I teared up. But the tears dried quickly. They were more like dry sobs. If that’s a thing.

The funeral came. I let out one heavy sob when my dad started crying. And then nothing. For weeks, no tears would come. I remember chatting with Greg about it one night and I said, “I think there’s something wrong with me, I can’t cry.”

Greg had known me during my worst years, when I could cry over dropping a glass of milk. That was due to a hormonal imbalance. I know that now. I remember he called me and said, “They will come. Just be kind to yourself. They will come. And when they do, I’m here for you.”

It was – one of the sweeter moments of our relationship.

So, what was my comment that received so many upvotes?

“Crying is therapeutic. It’s a healthy thing to do that helps to release emotions. Just pop in a feel good movie and have a good, ugly cry.”

I had no idea the comments section would spark so much – healthy discussion about crying. I received so many suggestions for movies that made other people cry. There was a good amount of Pixar movies in the mix and people were shocked when I mentioned Toy Story.

I’m telling you – as an older person, that movie hits hard at times. Especially the last installment. Or maybe it’s the soundtrack.

This discussion left me with lots of thoughts about crying. Why is crying so good for us? Why does it feel so good to finally cry after a long period of not being able to?

Crying is cathartic. If you see someone crying sit by them pat their back or leave them alone. When you ask th… | Romantic quotes, Inspirational quotes, Life quotes
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Crying is a cathartic release

Crying is a way to release emotions through a healthy and natural response. It’s a way to purge ourselves clean of emotional baggage that may bog us down. Whether it’s a response to emotional or physical trauma, grief, loss of a loved one, or just an extremely stressful day – crying can be a good way to release those feelings that you weren’t even aware you had.

A more scientific mind would tell you that crying releases endorphins. These are feel-good chemicals that can help with lessening of emotional or physical pain.

But men aren’t supposed to cry

My father was one of those proud men that never seemed to show his emotions in front of us. He rarely got angry and the few times he did shout – you knew you were in real trouble. I’ve only seen my dad in his younger years, cry twice. Once was at his mother’s funeral. Later, it was his sister’s funeral. That was hard to watch. My mother couldn’t be with us that day, and I had to be his “rock” or shoulder to cry on. It was a position I gladly accepted, for he had held my hand many times when I cried. Now with late stages of Parkinsons, he can become very over emotional and cry at a memory. It doesn’t take much with him. It’s really hard to watch.

Dad grew up in the era that “real men weren’t supposed to cry” and we got used to not seeing men cry. I’ve only seen my brother cry a couple of times too. One of those days was when my mom died.

(please continue reading…before commenting).

“I know a man ain’t supposed to cry,”

“but these tears I can’t hold inside.”

– Marvin Gaye

It’s okay to cry

What I’ve come to learn as an adult, is that it’s okay for people to cry. No matter what age, gender, or what the reason might be – we should ALL be able to tear up or cry without judgment from others. I mean, if anything, holding in all those emotions for all those years, can’t be good for a body. If crying releases endorphins, then just imagine 50-60 years of emotional trauma trapped inside.

I used to be one of those people. I found it hard to talk about my emotions or feelings without getting angry about them. This blog has helped so much with that. It is my therapy. My cathartic release. And sometimes, reading comments can even make me cry. But that is a very rare thing.

How can I learn to cry

For me, these days, with anxiety and dealing with health issues, I find crying easy to do. Maybe a little too easy. All I have to do is think about my mom. Or my dad. Or anyone I’ve lost over the years. Sometimes it’s a good romance movie like PS I Love You or While You Were Sleeping. Or Disney movies like Lion King and Wall-E get me every damn time.

If that doesn’t work, try listening to music. I have entire playlists dedicated to those rainy days. I have songs that remind me of my mom or another special moment in my life. Songs like “Say Something” or the one that I played at my mother’s funeral, “Wind Beneath my Wings,” or the Danish song, “Day by Day” – these are all songs that evoke emotion in me and make me tear up.

Find that one song that makes you think of that moment in your life. Whether it was the loss of a friendship, the loss of a pet, loss of a loved one. Or just a really bad day that you had. Sometimes stress can make us feel over emotional, and crying can be a good release for that.

If those methods don’t work, then meditate. Think of what makes you really emotional. Clear out all other thoughts and just focus on those memories. Think of other people that you care about.

Just be still with your emotions.

The tears will come. When they’re meant to.

And if none of these tricks work, then this one almost always does it for me too. Eight years later, still makes me cry.

DISCLAIMER:

It would be irresponsible of me to post a disclaimer. While crying is a healthy release, crying every day – might be an indicator that something is wrong. If you are grieving, consider talking to a healthcare professional. Grief comes in many forms. I’ve written about this before. If you think you are crying more than usual, please consider seeking professional help.

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