It’s Wednesday today and I thought I would take a break from articles and share some personal tidbits about my daily life. What it’s like being on disability and how I cope with having too much time and not enough to fill in the hours.
My mornings start by waking up anywhere between 7:30 am and 9:00 am. Sometimes I linger in bed and read or watch Tik-Tok. It depends on how bad the pain is in my knees, or how much sleep I got the night before.
Next, I make my coffee and breakfast. Lately, breakfast consists of two pieces of toast, some jam, and a piece of fruit. Sometimes I’ll make eggs for added protein.
While sipping coffee, I hop onto youtube and catch up on my subscribed videos. Today, I’m watching my favorite witchy channels about celebrating Imbolc. I’m currently watching The Cottage Fairy who also suffers from anxiety and is an introvert. These are the people that I’m drawn to. Her videos are calming and soup for the soul.
Then I spent some time responding to emails, and catch up with friends on social media sites. Sometimes this goes on for too long and before I know it – it’s almost noon.
Today, I’m getting lost in the YouTube algorithm of Fairytale cottages and dream homes. What I wouldn’t give to live in a rural place like this.
I’ll take a break, exercise, do my stretches, maybe sit outside if it’s a nice warm day. It’s been too cold and windy for this lately. Or I’ll do some tidying up in the kitchen. Today, I need to take out the garbage. Later, I’ll see my dad.
Every couple of weeks, I order in groceries and will spend an afternoon in the kitchen doing food prep and plan meals for the week. I’m trying to get better at using up all the food in my fridge before shopping again. I’m also trying to grow some of my own herbs. Because every penny counts.
Afternoons vary. Sometimes I’ll have a nap if I was up all night due to insomnia. Sometimes I’ll write or work on blog posts. Sometimes I’ll stream music and work on art. It really just depends on how I’m feeling.
My hands have lost dexterity, so I don’t work on crafts nearly as much as I’d like. Arthritis is often a crippling disease.
Evenings are sometimes the worst when you live alone. I used to entertain weekly or sometimes twice a week. It gave me motivation to keep my condo clean. It gave me something to look forward to. I’ll get to that again in the spring once I’m social again. For now, the isolation is needed.
I’ll do more reading in bed, or stream my favorite shows. Or watch movies. Or hop onto Discord and chat with new friends. Or twitter to chat with local friends. Sometimes I’ll order in dinner. Sometimes I’ll get the fireplace going.
Other times I have a very long bath which helps with the chronic pain and sore muscles. And every night, I try and get into my office and do a Tarot reading. Sometimes I’ll work on meditation and intentions. Sometimes I’ll write in my journal.
I’m looking forward to longer days. Where I can sit outside and read again. Or have a nap on the sofa. Or entertain friends for drinks. Or just go for walks again without worrying about ice.
I do what I can as pain allows for it. Pain rules my life but it doesn’t define my life. I do the best I can.
This blog — has kept me going through dark times. And now, I love the direction it’s heading in and the content I’m working on. I’m excited to share this new chapter of my life with you.
Thank you for being here with me.
If you’re on disability or medical retirement – what do you do to pass the time?
Jonna Jinton is an artist and content creator from northern Sweden. I first discovered her when searching for videos about my “home country” – Denmark. The beauty in her videos is what turned me into a fan. She’s also a musician and a bit of a humanitarian and has won awards.
I did NOT expect to cry over this video message. If you have an hour and need some uplifting messages today…. watch this please. She collected videos from people around the globe and just wow. She received thousands of videos from her fans which now reach over 4 million.
“You have a reason to be here”
“The true religion is kindness. Let’s just be kind to each other.”
Trust me. It’s worth a watch.
And trust me – you will need tissues. I am bawling over this.
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Shadow work is working with your unconscious mind to uncover parts of yourself that you may have repressed or hide from yourself. This could include past traumas, hurts, or negative aspects of the shadow self, that we all possess.
What is our shadow self?
Our shadow self is thought to be the parts of ourselves that make us undesirable to others. Or parts of ourselves that hold us back from success or happiness. Our shadows can represent things like anger, sadness or depression, anxiety, self-doubt or self-loathing. It can have an impact on your overall well-being and cause blockages with your spiritual beliefs and practices.
Giving in for far too long to our shadow self, can result in struggling in relationships or connections in general. When you suffer from chronic anxiety and depression, it can really make it hard to sustain relationships with others who seem more positive or can shrug off challenges more easily. I am not one of those people.
This was the first time I really dived into shadow work, and it was a draining and exhausting process. It was also lonely as hell. But it’s something I will work continue to work on to help heal.
How to recognize your shadow self
A good way to test yourself, is to gauge how you interact and react towards others. How do you respond when people become aggressive towards you? What about those who do not respect your boundaries?
Are you firm in telling them to stop? Are you firm in sticking to your core values and principles? Or are you the type of person who avoids conflict or difficult situations and tend to ignore your selfcare because you are a people pleaser?
There’s nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, as long as you don’t dismiss your own values in the process.
Consequences of shadow work
When you do shadow work, you get a better sense of what those core values in relationships might look like for you. This can change your entire outlook on current connections in your life. You might lose friends or even your primary relationships.
People who aren’t ready to face their trauma or do shadow work themselves, will often revolt or shy away from those that do.
Shadow work can also reveal trauma you may have suppressed for years and this can open a flood gate of feelings you aren’t prepared for. I do suggest working with trained professionals in counseling or therapy. Or find a support group that you can trust.
You may find yourself becoming emotional for no reason even on those good days. Crying is a big part of it. You may also find you want to sleep more. Pain might surface. Same with tension headaches. If you struggle with any of these new symptoms, please check in with your primary care provider.
Your intuition will peak during this process. You will notice toxic behaviors more and people that you considered to be close friends, will not look the same.
You will go through it. The stages of grief are real. I’m kind of in between I’m ready to let it all go, I’m mad at the world, and I just want to have fun again.
Thankfully, the crying myself to sleep daily has stopped.
Setting intentions with shadow work
One of your intentions with shadow work might be to help heal from trauma or hurt that triggered something from the past. For me, it was an abrupt ending to a relationship. Being made to feel like I was a terrible person when in reality, I wasn’t. Unresolved conflict led me to an anxiety spiral and a serious depressive episode. This led to being ghosted.
This experience brought out a lot of insecurities and resentment from past partners. It also triggered my abandonment anxiety and I went into a bad spiral.
Intentions can be anything you want to work on. I find bullet journaling, writing here in this block and working with Tarot cards really helps to pick things I should focus on. Ideas will often come to me while meditating or working on crafts as well.
Make sure you have clear intentions and an outcome for your work.
You will need breaks in between to remember the good things in life.
Give yourself a deadline for the hardest parts.
Surround yourself with people who are on similar paths that you can learn from. Be wary of those who are “leaders” and stick to ones you get good vibes from. Trust your intuition.
Your intuition will peak during this process.
You will feel things you’ve never felt before and these can manifest into physical symptoms.
You will want to isolate yourself. That’s fine. But don’t isolate too long. You will need friends to help you.
Most importantly: you will lose people. Those who are false friends will reveal their masks once you start taking care of you. It will hurt you more. But you are better off without these people. This will open new doors for new people to come in.
You will discover who your real friends are. The ones who are happy with you as you are and accept you fully despite your faults.
It’s a lifelong healing process
Shadow work can be rewarding and can speed up your healing process from recent hurts. That said, the more trauma you unpack, the more you connect it to your early memories. This can be a lifelong process and you may have to relearn coping mechanism along the way.
The point of shadow work isn’t to stay in the darkness forever. The point of it is to learn to let go of that darkness that hides your shine. You WILL find your inner light again. You will get your spark back.
You just have to keep working at it.
Also, this song came on while I was writing this and I thought I’d share the video. It’s fitting.
Have you ever done shadow work? If so, what were your biggest lessons? What methods worked for you? Did you have a support group? Let me know in the comments.
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It’s 5:30 in the morning on this sunny summery Monday morning. But today isn’t any ordinary day. No, today is a very special day and one that I love celebrating. Or at least – I used to. Back when I was younger, healthier, in better shape and had more energy to do all the things I wanted to do. Like when I first started my journey on the Wiccan path.
Is that I’m calling it now? I guess I am. For now it’s a good label – and you all know how much I detest labels and having to fit myself into one tiny checkbox.
It’s Summer Solstice – one of my favorite spiritual celebrations. It’s celebrated by people from around the world of all religions or practices and has been for thousands of years. I’ve already written a long post about it that I shared last year.
My spiritual path began at an early age I suppose you could say. I’ve always been obsessed with the darker things in life. Horror movies. Horror novels. Even playing spooky games. The darker themed – the better. But as I got older, I realized – the darker life got – the more darkness followed me everywhere I went.
Even in my last condo, it never felt like home. I had zero privacy as I could hear everything my neighbours did. And they could hear everything I did. That’s the trouble with living in the city. I’m not meant for this life. My heart longs to be out in the country or on an acreage close to the mountains. But as long as I’m single, and while my dad is still alive – it’s the city life for me.
Darkness vs. the light.
Isn’t that the epitome of all religions and spiritual practice? I think it’s the one thing most of us have in common. It’s not a battle between good and evil. It’s a battle of light and dark. This is why we celebrate Summer Solstice. It’s the longest day of the year. The light beats the darkness for a few more hours.
I know I’ve talked a lot about the Danish side of my family over the years in running this blog. But did I ever mention my mother’s side of the family? No? Well – you’re in for a ride here.
My mother was born in London, England. I believe her mother was English as well. Her nickname was Tupsey. I never got to meet her as she died a year after my mom and dad got married. On “Tupsey’s” side of the family, she had French, a little tiny bit of Indian. That’s according to my mom anyway. My sister had a DNA test done about ten years ago and was stunned to learn that we had 2% German in our blood. And also, 2% Neanderthal. That actually explains a lot. There was no Indian in the DNA – so I’m not sure how accurate that is about the Indian background.
Now on my grandfather’s side of the family – we have strong ties to Ireland. Which I think explains my love for all things Celtic. I can’t get enough of movies like Lord of the Rings, Ever After, etc. And I listen to Celtic music. A lot. Like, a lot. Even my mom or rather, “mum”, had a zest for Irish drinking songs and would make up her own lyrics for family events that would get the party started. Songs like Irish Rover and my grandfather’s favorite to sing, Danny Boy.
I mean, this lady is pure magic. We even drove one year for three hours to see her perform in Calgary.
My grandfather John, once told me that we had a family member named “Dulac” who was beheaded during the French Revolution. I really wish I had asked him more questions about this. Because trying to find someone in the 1700’s by the name of Dulac, is like trying to find someone named Smith in the US today. It’s an impossible feat. And sadly, there’s no one left in the family to ask. I wish I had asked my mum all these questions before she died – but you never think of these things when it’s important.
I feel strong ties to the Irish side. I feel like maybe, in another life, I might have even lived in Ireland. That’s a story for another day. I’ve had vivid dreams of having long flowing red hair, wearing a green dress and dancing in a barn around a fire with a boy named – James. Yes. The same James that I dated off and on for 20 years. Was it just a dream? I don’t know. But it FELT real.
Ireland is a place I’ve always wanted to visit. It’s on my bucket list of places to see. And Celtic music. I can’t begin to describe what I feel when I listen to the Celtic harp and flute. It feels like “home” to me. Isn’t that strange? For a country or place you’ve never been to? And it can feel more like home, than where home actually is?
Why is this all important and what does it have to do with Summer Solstice? I think last night was a turning point for me and I made a real break through in my spiritual journey. I’ve struggled for a long time with sticking to one practice or one belief system. I liked to “bounce” around. Or as James called it, “the nomad life”. I hated labels and wanted to learn as much as I could about various practices and religions.
Over the years, but more so in my early twenties, I read everything I could get my hands on at the time. I bought all kinds of books on Wicca, Witchcraft and Shamanism. While I really love the principles of Shamanism, with all the things happening around the residential schools – I feel like maybe I should learn more about my heritage and cultural ties to the spiritual world.
I really detest labels – so last night, while thinking of things to do for Summer Solstice celebrations – I made a list of all the things I love about each practice. I thought about how I could combine them all into one. Or maybe I could just take aspects of all three and keep on with what I’m doing? There is so much to consider.
I found some great videos on YouTube from younger witches who reminded me this:
Forget the labels. Practice what you feel drawn to. Learn as much as you can about it. Meditate often. And remember karma. What you put it out into the world, comes back at you. If you are constantly dwelling in negative and dark thoughts, then you’ll attract only darkness in return.
That was a lightbulb moment for me – and I literally went – A-ha!
That’s why things are always spiraling for me. And so, I spent the night doing all the things I love doing and have missed doing. Why? Because I was so afraid of what my family or coworkers would think of me if I openly practiced “the craft.” They had mocked me in the past for wearing crystals and gasp, a Pentagram. That one caused a lot of stirs at family events.
I even got a “you know the Devil believes in you” talk from my family doctor, which I thought was really inappropriate.
But the crazy thing was, other people like me – would nod, wink and say, “Nice,” because they knew who I was – and what I was into.
And now I realize that the reason I always feel at war with myself – is because I am. And I need to fix that. I need to become — “whole again”.
For the record, the pentagram isn’t evil. It’s a symbol. It’s a star. It represents the five elements of the earth. Much like the Indigenous medicine wheel. North, east, south, west. Earth, air, fire, water. Wicca is a very spiritual practice and can focus a lot on earth magic. Working with natural elements to achieve — whatever your heart’s desire. Usually through meditations, prayer, and manifestations.
Yes, there are some people who abuse the craft and give it a bad name. Hollywood embellishes things and ridicules what they do not know.
For me – the craft is meditation, creating music, exercising and getting healthy, working with crystals, using herbs like in teas and cooking, getting out more in nature and helping others on their spiritual paths as well.
I need to find some way to combine my love for herbs, crystals, divination, writing, music and everything – with my Celtic heritage. And so, today marks a new beginning. A new journey. A new chapter in my life.
One that I’ll call – The Celtic Path.
Summer Solstice Rituals
And so, I tried a bunch of new things last night to ring in Summer Solstice. Today, I feel – lighter. Happier. At peace almost. It’s a serene sort of feeling. I feel renewed. Energized. I know the universe has been sending me all these messages but maybe now I’m finally listening to them.
I started the night off by watching a few newer videos on YouTube. While doing that, I made some really pretty crystal decorations to hang in my window. Working with gems or crystals can help to brighten up your home and ward off negative energy. I am hoping to hit flea markets this year to stock up on crystals to keep around the house too. I have a few – but they’re just so beautiful. (pictures to come – they’re “charging” right now)
I’m also charging some water which I’ve put out on the balcony. This is new to me. You are supposed to let the water sit in a bottle or jar and charge in the sun for 24 hours. Today is important, because it’s the longest day of the year. The most sunlight. And that’s true, because I saw the sunrise at 4:15 am this morning.
I sat outside and it was so cold. One of the best things you can do on this day is to go out and connect with nature. Go for a drive in the country. Go for a hike. Go for a swim in the ocean. Or just meditate in your backyard.
I just sat on my bench and listened to the birds chirp. And the world was quiet for just a few moments before traffic started up again.
Summer Solstice or Midsommer (the Danish way) – is often celebrated with a large bonfire, some tasty meade, hearty food, fruits, vegetables, music and fellowship.
If you don’t have these things – then simply light a few candles. Or go outside and do some gardening, pick some herbs, bake some blueberry bread or a honey cake.
Get together with your close friends. Your family. Your tribe.
Today is a day for celebration. And I’m so glad I could share this with you all.
“Merry meet and merry part, bright the cheeks and warm the heart”
There aren’t many recorded celebrations that I can find — so here’s an enjoyable video of a Druid Ceremony.I think I just added another item to my never ending bucket list.
Follow blog to join me as I embark on this spiritual path.
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