Tag Archives: music

Indie film of the week #2: Judy (2019)

About a month ago, I decided to start watching at least one movie each week. Now that’s it’s October and spooky season is here, most of my nights are filled watching horror and sci-fi classics. It’s what I do every year. But to change things up and get out of a funk, I decided to pick a wildcard movie of the week on Netflix or Prime and write a review

The challenge

The challenge is to watch one indie film each week and write a blog post about it. The rules are simple. It can’t be a movie I’ve seen before. It has to be considered or labelled as an “independent film” on Netflix or Prime. And it has to be something I know very little about. Mainly, I just go through the list of indie films and click on a random movie to what happens.

My watch list is growing full of independent films that I’m looking forward to watching. Some films are really great while others are a miss. I watched The Starling with Melissa McCarthy last week and I LOVED it despite the film receiving harsh reviews from critics.

I have a certain set of things I look for in a film that makes it a hit or miss for me. That’s how I’ll rate movies – hit or miss. But everyone has their own tastes, and unless a movie is truly awful, I won’t tell you not to watch it. I’ll let you be the judge of how good it is.

What I look for:

  • Overall storyline – is it unique?
  • Acting – it’s all about who stars in the film and if I like the actor or not
  • Music – a film with a great soundtrack is always worth it in my books
  • Scenery – films like Life of Pie with stunning scenery will always get in my good graces
  • Writing – is it good or consistent? Are there too many plot holes?

I love musicals and anything to do with biographies or historical figures. So, be prepared for some musicals in this list. I loved the Elton John biopic and the soundtrack was just so great.

Cast and Crew

Directed by: Rupert Goold

Screenplay: Tom Edge, Peter Quilter

Based on: End of the Rainbow (stage play)

Genre: Independent Film, Biography, Music

Cast: Renee Zellweger, Finn Wittrock


Judy Garland was a beloved child star, singer and actress who was most known for her role of Dorothy in the hit film The Wizard of Oz (1939). Judy is portrayed by Renée Zellweger who is almost unrecognizable in this role with short black hair. Her voice however is unmistakable. Zellweger has an impressive resume but she is most known for her role as Bridget in Bridget Jones Diary and also for movies like Jerry MacGuire, White Oleander and a really good horror film called Case 39.

The beginning of the film takes place over 30 years after Oz was released. Judy is kicked out of her hotel due to her account being in arrears. Judy is drowning in debt and faces a custody battle for her children. Throughout the film, we see flashbacks to the early days where Judy was in her prime and we see the development of her relationship with her fifth husband, Mickey Deans (Finn Wittrock).

We see glimpses of Judy’s past and how she was treated by her handlers. Basically at this stage in her life, Judy is a hot mess and is still reeling from trauma she suffered as a child star. Judy moves to London to return to the stage and her adoring fans.

And that’s all I’ll tell you at this point. You’ll have to watch the film to find out the rest for yourself.

Official Trailer


I admit. I was a Judy fan growing up. Meet Me in St. Louis is a film I watch every December. The Trolley Song is still one of my favorites. Other songs included are Get Happy, Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Come Rain or Come Shine.

And before you ask, yes, Zellweger is actually singing in those scenes. She worked with a well known coach to prepare for the movie and she did a wonderful job.

Critics and Awards

For some reason I wasn’t in the mood for Judy when it hit theatres in 2019. The film won many awards and the critics gushed about it. Zellweger’s performance here would lead to her winning an Oscar. Here is her acceptance speech from the ceremony. I’m glad I finally sat down to watch it. I used to love Renee back in her Bridget Jones Diary day, and I’m glad she is doing well and is being recognized for her talent.

My thoughts

Overall I enjoyed the film and the music. Zellweger’s performance was top notch as usual. I didn’t recognize anyone else in the cast which is unusual for a movie buff like me.

What I would have liked to see was more flashbacks into Judy’s childhood and more of her backstory. Movies like this definitely help to expose the corruption in Hollywood and especially the abuse that child actors face. We still see this today with stars like Brittney Spears. But we only see a small part of this in the film.

The ending of Judy really hit me hard. I didn’t expect to cry but I did. All you need to watch is just one song – Over the Rainbow – and you’ll know what I mean.

To finish this post off, let’s watch a Judy Garland classic.

Hit or miss

If you’re a fan of The Wizard of Oz or Judy Garland, then I recommend giving this film a try. This endearing and emotional film is worthy of a watch.

The challenge so far

Indie Film #1: The Starling

Movies: Midnight in Paris

More movie recommendations: movies

Watch Party

Interested in “watching” films with me? If so, suggest a film below! Definitely follow my blog for weekly posts like this. They will be posted on Saturday nights or Sunday mornings.

Saturday coffee thoughts: isolation life and combating loneliness

It’s a chilly and cloudy Saturday morning here in Alberta and I think we might see some rain today. I’ve got the windows open to let some fresh air in and it definitely feels like fall. They’re calling for frost this week and I’m so not ready for that. The huge tree outside my window is shedding leaves like crazy – and we’re only a couple of weeks into the sesaon.

Time is moving so quickly – it’s already mid September. The kids are all back in school. The “littles” in our family who are the same age, seventeen, are in their senior year of high school. We’re hoping the schools don’t shut down again for their last year. My nephew who started college this week has to take classes from home. I feel terrible for him. Life is once again on hold as we’re in another restrictive period. I’m not going to call it a lockdown but it is what it is.

Yesterday, I made the best Italian meatball casserole. It was so filling and satisfying. I’ll share the recipe in a separate post today. I have plenty of leftovers and am looking forward to dinner.

I’ve got my breakfast which is toast and plant based peanut butter. Remind me not to buy this again. I just spilled oil ALL over my counter. Everything is greasy even with a wipe down. I have my morning coffee and it tastes so good.

And with that, I have a lot of thoughts to share today.

Meal planning

My slow cooker is all set up and I’m looking forward to make something this weekend. But what? I’m not sure. I was hoping to pick up a pork roast yesterday with my groceries but the price of meat is so expensive right now. I used to pay $13 for a pork loin roast. Now the price has gone up to $16 or $21. I nearly cried. Even beef stewing cubes have gone up to over $15. It’s not right. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford to eat healthy foods. I like my meat. But for now, I’m stocked up on things like basa fillets, imitation crab, canned tuna and lots of beans. Luckily, chicken is still reasonable and I have some thighs I can roast up later this week.

I’ve been browsing Pinterest and YouTube for inspiration in my fall cooking and am trying out new recipes. I’m going to have to place another grocery order though. I spent $130 on food on Thursday with my order. But many of the items I wanted, like the pork roast, were not in stock. So, I’m going to have to order from Superstore, which has the most reasonable of prices for meat.

I always keep lots of soup, beans, dried foods like pasta and grains on hand at all times. My pantry is stocked up with baking essentials, oats, and healthy snacks too. I like to keep a couple of month’s supply on hand at all times. I’m not a prepper. But… with food shortages and labour shortages due to the pandemic, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

I think some preppers are insane for how much they buy at one time. While those with a large family, I understand the reasoning. It’s just me here. So I don’t need nearly as much. I could feed a couple of people for about a month or two with my current stock. It’s usually just fresh produce that I need to replace every week. And toilet paper. That shit is expensive too.

Art projects

I went through my Etsy store yesterday and am trying to revive it. I got motivated after a couple of sales this month. I sent a digital journal to my niece for her birthday and she loved it. So, I’m going to get back into making those. I’m also aiming for at least one art piece each day. I really want to learn to paint watercolor flowers but I’m terrible at it. Abstract is definitely more my style.


My mic stand arrived yesterday and it’s all set up. I also ordered a filter to help create a better sound for tutorial videos. I need to come up with some kind of lesson plan to record these in an order that makes sense. I’ll be focusing on Etsy tutorials, graphic design tips, music production and software reviews. I’ll have two channels for this though. My music channel is pretty much dead. Though the TikTok account continues to grow slowly. I think that’s the place to advertise songs. Honestly, it’s so hard to get noticed in any genre these days. Over saturated markets in all areas make it hard to stand out.

But… this is what I love to do and what I’m good at. For now, it’s a hobby but one day I hope I can make a career out of it. Plus creating the thumbnails and artwork is just so fun for me.

Health and fitness

I went for my xrays on Thursday and got my second COVID shot on the same day. I felt fine the next day. My arm is still store and there’s a large red bump near the injection site. Apparently, this is a rare side of the Pfizer vaccine. It felt like someone had punched me in the arm.

The reason I put it off for so long was exactly this. My body does weird things and processes vaccines differently. I don’t get the flu shot because it always gives me an allergic reaction. Even an iron infusion caused some swelling in my hands. And I’ve had bad reactions to blood thinners too.

But so far, I’m okay. And I now I don’t have to worry about going anywhere with the new isolation rules. Basically, if you don’t have both shots past October, you can’t get in anywhere.

I’m not here to argue it. I’m not anti anything. I just worried about my own personal health and safety as I know my history with vaccines.

My fitness challenge is still going strong. I’m still monitoring foods each day, and I’ve started working out again. The pool is still closed and the gym — I don’t even know if we can work out in public. You can outdoors though.

Isolation life…and how I cope with loneliness

We’re in isolation again and I’m not sure how long this will be for. COVID cases are skyrocketing again. The new rules are murky. I’m allowed to have two contacts because I live alone. So, for now, that’s my bestie — and probably my dad. For now we can still see him. I hope that doesn’t change. He won’t survive another lockdown.

I visited him on Thursday and helped him with his dinner. He fades out more and more. Mostly we just sit together and I hold his hand. He’s quiet, so I do most of the talking. Or we watch whatever is on tv. Helping him with his food is something to keep my hands busy. I tucked him into his chair for a nap as he was ready to fall asleep. I fear his end is coming soon. If we go into full lockdown again, I’ll be devastated. My heart already hurts when I see him.

As a single person, a life in solitude can be lonely at times. I’m not overly social but I have my small group of friends I like to see for coffee or lunch dates. This isolation period means not being able to have everyone over for dinner like I had been planning and that hurts.

So, in an effort to keep sane, and busy, I’m going to work on this blog, my art projects, my Etsy store – maybe another music album. And I’m also working on organizing my home.

To help combat the loneliness, I chat with family via text every couple of days. I get my daily exercise. I’m keeping a regular sleep schedule. I’m showering every two days. I’m trying to keep things as “normal” as possible.

That’s life in a nutshell. Stay safe friends. Wherever you are.

How do you keep busy during isolation periods?

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Another milestone! 600 followers

I couldn’t believe how many notifications I received last night after my last two posts. I watched as my list of followers continued to grow and right now as I type this – the blog is sitting at 600 followers.

Now, compared to blogs with thousands of followers I know that doesn’t seem like much. This blog has been a work of passion since April 2019 when I started it just to vent and whine about daily life issues.

Then as my audience grew, so did I as a writer. I challenged myself to research different subjects and eventually, my article list grew enough to break my blog down into sections.

I’m proud to show off the new layout and pages where I’ve organized and renamed most blog posts.

Living Well is a series that I’ve been working on for the last year. Instead of whining about my various ailments, I decided to use this platform to share my experiences and what I have learned about chronic pain management. You can now read articles on the following subjects if you click on menu, and head on over to the Living Well section.

  • Chronic migraine and headache care
  • Hypermobility and joint pain care
  • Self-care for mental health
  • Women’s health issues such as PCOS

I write from my own experiences and I share tips of what I’ve learned from doctors, specialists, and other people who have similar medical conditions.

I’ve met so many wonderful people through this blog and I thank each and everyone of you for the ongoing support and encouragement to keep this blog going.

I’m also still working on my fitness challenge of losing weight – instead of daily updates, I’ve switched to monthly progress reports. I’ll share tips and healthy recipe ideas along the way.

And as I get back into art and music, I’ll share my creations from time to time with you. Isolation has been hard on all of us. So, I’m using this platform as a way to share tips and advice on how to stay healthy – physically and emotionally during these troubled times. Sharing my own personal experiences with you, has been a joy.

Thank you again – all of you for being here.

Created using a Canva template – visit http://www.canva.com This is not my artwork.

Grief: Until we meet again

The other night, I was feeling senitmental about music from my childhood. I mentioned Vera Lynn in a post about music from the “early days”. Music that my grandfather and mother loved.

My mother was born and raised in London, England until she was fourteen. The family moved to Canada and if you asked her, she would tell you she was a proud Canadian. But her British roots were important to her.

She loved music from artists like Elton John. She was obsessed with anything to do with the Royal Family and Princess Diana. And she, along with my grandfather loved Vera Lynn’s music.

She also loved tea time. She drank Red Rose tea throughout the day. Whenever my grandfather came over, they enjoyed biscuits with jam and a few cups of tea.

I just cried. I honestly, really just cried when I learned that Vera Lynn died at the age of 103. She popped into my head the other night for no reason. I listened to a few of her old songs like We’ll Meet Again.

These songs always make me tear up.

I lost my grandfather, John, who once served on a Navy ship during the war as a cook. He had so many stories to tell of the war and his travels. He was proud of his service – and proud of his family. He died of natural causes in 2007 at the age of 95.

I never met my grandmother – Vi. She died in 1969, even before my sister was born. She never got to meet any of her grandchildren. I think I look a lot like her. I’m always told I look like my mum.

When my grandfather died in 2007, the same week my aunt Esther died – aid I performed at both funerals – the hardest week of my life – mum listened to this music.

I listen to it when I’m thinking of my own mum, who I lost six years ago.

Grief never really leaves you. It never goes away. You never forget the people who loved you the most.

Music has a way of reminding us of that. And today, while listening to “We’ll Meet Again” – I cried for like the millionth time. Because that’s what this song does.

I like to think that there is an after life. A life where we get to see our loved ones again. I don’t know if there is a heaven. But if there is a place like this – I like to think that my mother is enjoying a cup of tea with her parents right now and listening to this music just like I am.

Rest well, Dame Vera Lynn.

You were part of so many memories from my childhood.

Christmas Memories: Old Toy Trains

Last night while visiting my dad, we watched the Natalie MacMaster’s “A Celtic Christmas” concert. It’s that time of year, where no matter what station you turn, on there’s something Christmasy on the tele. It was a rare night where there wasn’t any Canadian sporting events on.

We watched the classic Ben-Hur, silent film from 1925, for about ten minutes. I had seen clips of it before. But it had been years since I had watched a silent film and I wanted to see what it was like. Both dad and I lost interest pretty quickly. The movie was of course esthecitally beautiful. But we’ve been spoiled by modern technology now. Watching the film gave us something new to talk about. Dad was never a movie fan. He would watch simply to please my mother who was.

I miss watching movies with my mum. We would stay up until way past our bedtimes and watch scary movies. Not gory movies. Just dark thrillers that messed with your mind. Our last horror movie that we watched was The Rite with Anthony Hopkins – because we both adored him. Mum stayed awake for the whole movie and then she said, “Well, I can’t go to sleep after watching that. Let’s watch something happy.”

That was one of the best nights with my mum. We stayed up until 3 am watching movies and then stayed up another hour just talking about them. I know my mum is the reason I have insomnia and have trouble sleeping at night. She was a night owl and did her best work after all of us kids had gone to bed.

Something mum had said to me not long before she died was, “If they remake Casablanca, I’m out of here.” I mean, there are just some movies you don’t touch.

My dad doesn’t get much out of television shows. It’s why we mainly watch hockey. I remember back in the day, he loved comedians like Mr. Bean and Victor Borge. Their comedy was easy to follow. Mostly slap stick humour. Victor Borge was an extraordinary musician. Dad and I would howl at the tv whenever he was on.

His “page-turner” skit was one of our favorites.

I also remember watching shows like The Grand Ole Opry. Dad’s toes would tap when artists like Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers and Willie Nelson hopped on stage. Johnny Cash was another favorite. I recently saw his daughter Rosanne Cash live, and it filled my heart with so many happy memories. “Islands in the Stream” was a favorite of ours. We loved watching Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton on stage.

Seeing dad perk up a little last night during the Christmas concert warmed my heart. It gave us something new to talk about. Growing up in Denmark, dad learned to play the violin. He used to sit at the piano and tinker out one fingered melodies. I would later learn that his father was a very talented musician and could play anything instrument he picked up. My grandmother also loved to sing and she was the reason I took the volunteer gig at the Danish church as the organist.

I’m looking forward to Christmas this year. As it’s the one time of year I get to see most of my family. But this time of year is also hard for me. My mum – she loved Christmas. I’m just glad that I took time off church to spend her last Christmas at home.

Christmas. This time of year is filled with so many memories of my mom singing in the kitchen along to the greats like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Perry Como. But in our house, we had a favorite album that was played every Christmas.

And I still can’t listen to this song with tearing up as I think of my mum. I avoided talking about the album last night because dad is easily overcome with emotions these days.

But I didn’t know what else to write about this morning, and so I’ll leave you with this song that brings tears to my eyes.

This is Nana Mouskouri’s, Old Toy Trains.

Grief: if ye love me

In my line of volunteer work with the church, I’ve play music for a lot of funerals. And because I’ve been at the church as long as I have, I’ve come to know many of the church members and they have become an extended family.

I’ve never been a highly religious person. I’m obsessed with subjects that would be looked down upon in any church – magic, supernatural, divination, alternative healing methods. I was raised Catholic but never paid much attention to it.

The church for me, is about family, food, and learning about my heritage. It’s about making new friends. And it’s pretty much my social activity for the week other than seeing my dad. It’s something that is familiar and has been my home of nearly fifteen years.

Plus, I get to play music once a week. So, that’s a bonus.

A good friend of mine at the church lost her daughter last year and a grandson. We have bonded for years over Sunday morning coffee and chat about all things in life. There are six of us – regulars who are there almost every Sunday no matter what. Even mid winter snowstorms wouldn’t keep these folks away.

But as my friends reach the ages of 80 and even 92, like my beautiful red headed friend, I’m reminded of how precious life is and how short life can be.

After she lost her daughter she said one day on Facebook, and this sentence has really stuck with me since.

“Grief, is love. It really just has no place to go.”

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Everyone says that grief eventually fades over time. But I find the older I get, that’s a lie. The more time that goes on, I seem to miss my mother more than ever. There are definitely days that are harder than others. There are days when it feels like she is right next to me watching me while I work on some project or in the kitchen – which was her favorite place to be.

Sometimes, I hear her voice in my head and go to pick up the phone and call her. Then I remember she’s gone and so I call my dad instead.

It’s been five years almost – and I don’t think gets easier. I think it gets harder as time goes on.

Younger people must have a harder time with loss. Especially children. Over time, you forget what people look or sound like. Thank goodness there are pictures and now videos to remind us of our loved ones. But what about the people we lost before technology came along?

We had a video camera in the 90s which my mum used a lot. But she used it to take videos of family. The grandkids. My sister. She rarely appeared on camera.

And that got me thinking about me. That’s me. I’m usually the one behind the camera taking pictures and I’m fine with that. But then I realized one day – hey. I don’t have kids. I don’t have a family of my very own. I don’t have something to leave behind.

I don’t have an imprint to leave on this world like my mother did with her 5 children and 9 grandchildren, and 1 great grandchild. That’s a pretty impressive resume, don’t you think? For one person? Creating a legacy that big?

And so, that’s where the inspiration behind “In Her Eyes” came from. My latest album release. It’s a 7 track album with original piano music.

On days where it seems I’m drowning in sorrow or grief, I turn to music for comfort. I sit in quiet contemplation until I hear a song that is so upbeat it gets my toes tapping and I can’t help but smile.

But for moments like this in the morning. When the world is mostly quiet and I’m sitting down with my coffee, wondering what to write about. It’s those moments that I think of my mother. It’s those moments I turn to music to quiet the ever busy mind.

It’s those moments that I get lost in the sounds of violins, cellos, classical guitar, piano and elegant choir voices that sound like angels. It’s these moments that I realize that grief will eventually pass and lead to something — more.

Music is magical. Music has healing powers. Music speaks to the soul. Music – like this. Sacred music shakes you to the core and makes you think about everything you’ve ever done in your life.

This music doesn’t just speak to your soul. It comes from the inner soul. It comes from the heart. It’s the music of angels.

Sacred Music on Spotify

Update: six months and nearly 300 followers!

Good morning! It’s a bright and sunny Thursday morning. I’m sitting in my living room anxiously awaiting the painter. Today’s the last day of painting and I can’t wait to get my condo back into shape. I have things to do. Places to be. And new projects to work on.

Can you believe it’s been six months since I started this blog? Mostly Single was created in April 2019 as a way to help keep motivated on my fitness journey. But I realized that fitness wasn’t something I was passionate about – and so I started neglecting this blog.

Even though I’ve tried breaking up with music many times over the years, it keeps calling me back again and again. I bit the bullet this week and ordered a new midi keyboard. Unfortunately, it was a piece of you know what. It’s boxed up and ready to be shipped back to Amazon. My first return! I hope I don’t get banned – I’ve heard that’s possible.

So, what has happened in six months? A lot!

Even though “Mostly Single” is now defunct, I have given this blog a complete overhaul and started fresh. But don’t worry. A lot of my articles are saved in draft form – to be repurposed and republished later. Now I can focus more on the positive things in life – DIY projects, music, writing, and whatever life throws my way.

I will be shopping for a new MIDI keyboard very soon. Once the renovations have been completed and my condo is back to normal. It currently looks like a war zone. I have several music projects I want to get done – including a long awaited Christmas album. Yikes. It’s almost Christmas.

DIY Projects & Home Improvement

Over the years, I’ve done a lot of DIY projects but haven’t documented them. I learned to make jewelry, went through a Picasso phase and painted everything I could get my hands on, went through a photography phase. And now – I’m entering into a new phase of DIY home improvements and refurnishing furniture.

I’m moving in the spring into my dream condo. The condo needs some love. And my furniture – rather than buying all new furniture to match the decor, I had a brilliant idea of stripping the cheap Ikea shelves and cabinets – and making them look fresh and modern.

I inherited some items from my dad’s house. Vintage wood from the 70’s. I’m not sure if I’ll be refinishing them. Maybe just a touch up on the top. I also took my mum’s desk that has been in the family for decades. These pieces will look great in my new living room.

DIY Music

I’ll be writing regular weekly articles on DIY music tips that I’ve tried over the years. With 40 years of experience to pull from – I have a lot talk about and share with you. I hope to also eventually record some tutorials. But that will wait until I have my studio set up in my new pad.

Ad Free Website

As promised, this blog will remain ad-free. While this means a loss in potential revenue for me, I’ve included ways that you can help with covering the costs. I’ll be publishing an Amazon wish list soon and have set up a donation link via PayPal. Just scroll down to the bottom of the screen and offer to buy me a cup of coffee or two.

New Releases

I’ll be working on some new releases for this fall. I’ve already released “Remember Me” a piano single, and a cover of “Time After Time” which is pending a sync license. Once the new studio is finished, I hope to record on a regular basis. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.

Fitness & Well-being

Fitness is still a goal in my life. I’m eating healthy again, making salads and healthy dishes. I’m more active and do lunges, squats daily – I’m even riding the cycle again. When I move, I’ll have a fitness centre and access to nature trails. I just can’t wait for the lifestyle change. Being so close to the River Valley will be a huge bonus – I can get back into photography too.

Inspirational Posts

Yes, this will still be a part of my blog. People love these posts. I have a new series out called “Advice from my grandmother.” This series includes quotes, verses and sayings that my grandmother had written in her memoirs “My Journey.” I’m excited to share some of these with you.

Training at work has been stalled due to budget cuts. The future of employment is uncertain at this stage. A new government can mean a lot of changes in the work we do. We’re already seeing cuts to hospitality. When I am able to take courses at work and on my own dime, I’ll share my learnings with you.

Stats and Followings

This blog is now sitting just shy of 300 followers. I’m amazed! I expected to lose followers when I stopped posting. But the numbers continue to climb. I have a goal. If I earn up to 1,000 followers this year – I will invest in the pro business plan and ditch my music website. The pro plan has all the bells and whistles. But for now, I’d like to see how this blog does organically. Readers are from around the globe – reaching as far as India which is mind blowing.

Thank you!

Thank you all for being here. Especially for those who have been here since April and followed me along this journey and path of self-discovery. You’re never too old to learn and you’re never too old to change what you want in life. The key is to continue to make new goals and strive for self-improvement. And to take what you’ve learned about yourself – and share it with others.

Have a great Thursday – make sure to hit that follow button if you haven’t already!

I just want to party on an expensive yacht. Just once. Is that too much to ask for?

My phone buzzed sometime in between loads of laundry, cleaning my kitchen and sitting down at the computer to write my weekly post. I haven’t done the research I promised to do into fitness and weight loss. Things have just been so busy I haven’t had the time to put into it. Yeah, I’m a bad blogger. I’m not sorry though.

When I looked at who texted me, I felt more annoyed than excited – and I immediately felt guilty for it. It was then that it dawned on me. I’ve been single for exactly four years now – almost to the day.

Not long ago, I updated my profile on Meetup.com in the hopes of making some new friends and joining some travel groups. I even found some events that I was interested in – but things have been so busy with the family, I just haven’t the energy to put into meeting new people.

Shortly after updating my profile, I received a couple of messages from random guys. And I thought, what the hell. I’ll respond. After all, I was there to meet new friends, right?

What I love about the website is you can log on whenever you want to and respond to messages whenever you feel like it. With Facebook, I always feel pressured to respond right away. It got to the point I actually turned the chat box off after awhile. Even my family group chat can be tedious to have to respond to every day. But I love seeing photos of my nieces and nephews. And the grandbaby. I love my grand nephew to pieces, even though the little asshole slapped me in the face last night.  He made up for it later by blowing kisses.

Babies can be assholes too. Good thing the little jerk is cute.

When I looked at my phone and saw who was texting, I actually sighed and ignored it. Making small talk is not my favorite thing to do. It feels like a chore at best of times. I’m a bad texter. So texting small talk is just painful. Really painful. I’m all thumbs.

And I turned off my auto-correct so now I can’t type anything.

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It’s been so long since I actually went on a date that I wouldn’t even know how to act, or what to say. Getting to know someone new is painful for me too. Just how much do you let that person in? Ghosting is a real thing. Why go through all that work just for the potential to be ghosted later down the road?

That’s why I joined meetup.com – for fun and adventurous group outings. I figured the best way to meet new people was just to get out there and try new things and get involved.

The other night, I created a new event for a concert that I’m attending in the fall. I thought a group outing with new friends would be fun. No harm, right?

And this dude that I had met one time in 2012 messages me later that night and says, “Oh, I guess you don’t want to get together, do you?”

I met him one time. ONE time. But for some reason he thought we were going to hook up for coffee or something.

Sometimes I feel like chatting online, is like this conversation on The Family Guy.

How much clearer do I need to be? I already told him twice in previous conversations  that I wasn’t interested in a relationship. I clearly told him I was only interested in meeting new people for group outings. That was it. That is all I want at this point in my life.

And then my phone buzzed again today. As it has several times for the last few days. And rather than being excited at the chance of getting to know someone new – it felt like my personal time was being invaded.

I want to make it clear that this had nothing to do with the person messaging me. This is all on me. Really. It’s all me. And so, I had to be honest with myself – and this new guy that I had been enjoying a friendly banter with.

But I guess there comes a time when even friendly banter gets stale and one person will want more. I’m just not there yet. Dating is hard. There’s pressure on all fronts. And it’s just not a stress I need in my life right now. So, I guess this post can serve as an open letter to all the men that have messaged me recently.

Life is busy right now. I’ve made all kinds of promises to myself and my family. With an upcoming trip to Toronto and plans for more travel – I just don’t have the time or need for a relationship right now.

I’ve been single for so long now, that I’ve found interesting things to fill my time with. I have two blogs to run. I have a full time job. I have a part time gig on the weekends. I have my family commitments. And my dad to see on the weekends. I have a good friend who needs me right now as her partner is going through chemo. I also want to take cooking lessons. Get back into photography. And travel.

I thought I was ready and at a point in my life where I would be able to welcome someone new in. But the pain from my last relationship is still fresh. Even four years later. Maybe I’ll never be able to date again. And that’s something I have to live with. And maybe one day when I least expect it, I’ll run into a handsome millionaire on a singles cruise who wants to spoil me and buy me fancy things like a downtown Toronto condo – or yacht.

I don’t know where I’d use the yacht – I mean, I live downtown Edmonton. But I want a yacht damnit. I deserve a yacht. Just once in my life – I’d love to have an exciting weekend like Leo seems to have. I mean, is it too much to ask for? Is it too much to ask for that I want to do this on my own and experience all that life has to offer – as a happy and single person?

Image result for wolf of wall street yacht

And so, that is where we are today. It’s been a quiet and reflective Monday after a whirlwind of a weekend. It was a busy weekend and I was surrounded by people – people that I love with all my heart. And I’m not ready to give that up just yet.

Nor should I ever have to.

And with that, I’m going back to my frozen yogurt and the sweet sounds of Al Stewart and The Year of the Cat. Because I’m old. And this is what old people listen to.

And I’m not going to make any more promises on future blog posts. But I am super stoked for Toronto and I will be sharing some travel photos with you soon.

Updated January 1, 2021 — because it seems videos were removed from Youtube. Ducking, Youtube. Here’s a clip from the Wolf of Wall Street. Just once. I’d love to have money like this and party on a yacht.


What’s your favorite Leo movie? I’ve updated this in 2022 after watching Don’t Look Up. Highly recommend it.