Tag Archives: love

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Finding love again after forty. Is it possible in today’s world?

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It’s late as I sit down to write this post. It’s been an eventful couple of weeks and I haven’t written much in the blog. That’s being done on purpose. I’ve found that when I post daily, people don’t engage. If I post every few days, I’ll get more interaction. And so, I’m trying to cut back.

But the other part is I’m struggling these days. Emotionally. I’ve lived with this illness all my life and I’ve come to accept that it’s a permanent disability with no cure. That’s just part of my life now. How can I meet someone new and let them into my life, when some days, I can’t even get out of bed? What kind of life could I offer someone?

Lately, I’m finding that I’m angry and resentful about my choices in life. I stopped dating back in 2015 after Greg and I broke up. The relationship was so toxic that I couldn’t ever see myself being with another man. Or woman. I’m straight in that sense. That’s not to say that I didn’t experiment when I was younger. I mean, that’s what your early 20’s are for.

There were men over the years. I dated a lot in my teens and early 20’s. There were a few steady relationships over the years. Cory, we dated for almost three years until I was 21. Then Ken came along for a year. Then Greg and I met for the first time and fell in love. It was a short and rocky six months. But there was love there. We reconnected later in life and would get involved off and on for nearly five years.

I dated other men in between our breaks. It was his idea, saying he couldn’t give me what I wanted. James came back over the years. We got closer than ever in 2012. Then the man who told me he never wanted to marry, got married and has a family of his own. After giving him nearly 19 years of my life.

Love is stupid sometimes. And blind. Turns out, I was just an option to him. Never making the top list. I was never marriage material.

I found great love early in life when I wasn’t ready to make a commitment. By the time I was ready to offer my love to someone, I had either gotten too old or the men weren’t interested in me in the same way. Perhaps it’s my fault for dating the wrong kind of men.

But here we are. March 2022 and I just realized I haven’t been with a partner since 2015. That’s a long time to be single. At first, I thought this is what I wanted. Now… I guess I feel lonely and cut off. I see my friends and family happy in their marriages and I wonder if I missed out.

People tell me that it’s never too late. In some ways it is. I’ve lived alone far too long to even know how to let someone in. I’m still trying desperately to lose weight. To get to a place where I feel comfortable in my own skin and maybe, at some point, let myself be intimate with someone.

I know. People tell me weight shouldn’t matter. I should just find someone that loves me for me. But .. it’s fucking hard. There are wars going on in the world. People are struggling financially. Some people have lost hope. And then you have me, living with a disability and not even able to much due to constant pain.

I saw a geneticist this week and it was a life changing appointment. He got more work done in one appointment, than most of my GP’s have all my life. I’m being referred to the right care team. At least, I hope they’re the right ones. If they tell me to just lose weight, I might fucking scream and punch them in the face.

How do you let someone in when you’ve closed yourself off to the world for this long? I wouldn’t even know where to begin. There’s so much mistrust, so much hurt and pain. Still even after all these years.

There’s a saying that you only get three great loves in your life. Well, if that’s true, then maybe I’ve used up all my great loves. Soul mates? I thought I had found that in Greg. Turns out he was just another dud in the saddle feeding me all the right lines I wanted to hear.

I know some of you come to this blog for uplifting messages, and to read stories of my life. I’m sorry to disappoint you with this all tonight.

For the first time in a long time, I’m feeling a little lonely. Maybe a little sorry for myself.

I often wonder what life would have been like had I married young, when I had been asked. There were two men, that if I stuck with them, I could have been married. But I wasn’t ready. One of the men even turned to me later and said, “I got married right after you. That could have been you.”

And so.. I sit here. With pensive and negative thoughts. But I’m all right. There’s a plan. A course of action to get me on the road to improving quality of life.

Maybe one day in the near future. I can find love again too.

To the man who still calls me an attention seeking whore: I’ve been single for seven years. You’re delusional.

That’s enough wallowing for now.

indie films

Indie Film Reviews: Midnight in Paris

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I’ve been getting back into watching movies on Netflix and Disney or those that rely heavily on CGI and green screens. It’s really hard to find good movies to watch these days that don’t repeat the same boring plots. And so, I often turn to older movies for entertainment. I’ve been on a classic comedy and romance kick lately. And as I was creating a Movie Romance playlist on Spotify, I remembered a cute little film called Midnight in Paris, starring everyone’s favorite, Owen Wilson.

And so, this film, is the first one I’m going to recommend to watch if you’re looking for something new. This film is quirky, romantic and has a fantastic soundtrack. If you’re a fan of Paris in general, or Francophone music, you’ll love the ambiance of Midnight in Paris.

Midnight in Paris

Midnight in Paris was released in 2011 and is an easy to watch film sitting at 1 hours and 34 minutes. The cast ensemble is fantastic with Rachel Adams (The Notebook, Southpaw), Owen Wilson (Loki, Armageddon), Kathy Bates, Michael Sheen, Kurt Fuller (Supernatural), and everyone’s favorite – Tom Hiddleston. Yes, that’s right. The two stars of Loki have worked before – which is why Loki is such a great show.

Now this is one of those films that I can’t explain too much without giving away spoilers. But if you’re an author, or a a reader who is a fan of classics like F. Scott Fitzgerald or Ernest Hemingway, then you’ll love this film.

I was a bit hesitant to recommend this movie given it was directed and written by Woody Allen. But if you can put that aside, Midnight in Paris is a witty and charming film that will make you feel nostalgic and want to visit the romantic city of Paris.

Storyline

Gil and Inez (Adams and Wilson) travel to Paris with her parents who are on a business trip. Gil is a Hollywood writer turned novelist who is seeking inspiration for his first book. Gil falls in love with the city and starts to explore it on his own as his fiancé spends time with a family friend. One night, during a midnight stroll, Gil encounters a group of people dressed in 1920s fashion that would forever change his life and his views of the woman he’s about to marry.

Honestly, this is one of my favorite romantic movies and I watch it about once a year. If you’re a writer who needs some inspiration, or you’re a Loki fan and have a soft spot for Tom Hiddleston, then this is a must watch.

Similar Movies

Are you a fan of Paris? Love indie films with great music? Then here are a few other notable mentions that you should check out. These movies are quirky, fun and worthy of a watch.

  • Amelie by Jean-Pierre Jeunet
  • French Kiss with Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline
  • Forget Paris with Billy Crystal and Debra Winger
  • Moulin Rouge with Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor
  • Gigi with Eva Gabor and Leslie Caron

What are your favorite Paris inspired movies? Let me know in the comments! I’ll be sharing a list of my favorite movies on a weekly basis.

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On sabbatical from love

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Since no one stepped in and told me to stop- I am still chatting with an ex. I could blame the booze. But I only had one glass of wine last night. So, it’s not that. Maybe it’s COVID and isolation. Being cut off from my usual group of friends and acquaintances. You all know I’ve been struggling with this.

The dreaded question came up. Well, not so much of a question but a statement.

“That’s fine if is works for you. Unless you’ve dated since we last talked.”

The last time we talked was over a year ago. Maybe more? Like two years? I’d have to go back in my Facebook history. I know I’ve only seen him once since moving into this place. We got together and caught up for lunch not long after I moved here. And that was six years ago now.

Wow. Time flies.

So, who is this guy and why am I talking to him again? Well, because love is blind, deaf and extremely dumb.

And let’s be real. You never really fall out of love with someone you really loved at one point. You can let them go. You can get over it. You can move onto someone new. But part of you remembers that love. For all the good things. And love, as stupid as it can be, trumps logic.

Don and I met when I was 18 and living at home. Or 19. I can’t remember the specifics. It wasn’t too long after James and I broke up and I was dating like – well, what do you call a 19 year old who dates a different guy every week?

I remember sneaking out of the house to meet him at the mall. My mother was very strict and didn’t approve of me meeting random single guys “online”. I used a party phone back then. Cell phones were still really expensive back then. This is like, over twenty years ago. I’m dating myself.

So, I had to sneak out and lie to my parents when I was meeting up with someone. Which for like a year there, it was a lot of random someones. To be honest, I was trying to find myself through various men. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to be on my own to find out who I really was.

Don was in his early 20s – 24 I think. We went for a beer and shot some pool. Which is what we all did back in the 90’s. Pool halls and bowling alleys were our key source entertainment after the drive in theatres closed.

Without getting into intimate details, we had a nice “relationship” for a few months. He was easy to talk to. We had chemistry. There was a spark there from the moment we met. It went deeper beyond friendship. We just – clicked.

So, what went wrong you asked?

The Marriage

Don had been in a long-time relationship with his high school sweetheart. They had a young child together and split up after a year or so realizing how hard it was to be a parent at a young age. One day Don called me on the phone and said that he really enjoyed our time together but he and the ex had been talking a lot. And he wanted to marry her and try and work things out.

Now at that age, I had no idea what real love was. I thanked him for calling – like wtf? Hung up the phone and cried for like a minute. A WHOLE minute. And then shrugged it off and called another guy I had been seeing off and on — Steve the trucker. Who I have written about before.

Don’s marriage was a rocky one. We lost touch over the years until Facebook was invented. His name popped into my head and I looked him up. We started chatting and he not only remembered me – but he wanted to get together for coffee.

Coffee. It’s a harmless get together right? An excuse to catch up with someone and have a visit. No big deal. Oh, how wrong I was.

http://www.mostlysingle.com

Chemistry

When chemistry is real, it never really fades away. There’s a natural spark that happens with two people. Whether they’re good for each other or not. Whether they can make it work or not. Chemistry makes it impossible for two people to stay away from each other. At least that’s what we told ourselves.

Don had been married since we the year that we broke up. He said that they were in an open marriage and he was free to do what he wanted. I had just lost a bunch of weight, was feeling great about myself and was just in the mood to have some fun. James and I had parted ways again. And I don’t know what I was looking for at the time. Maybe I just wanted to show off. This was back in 2008 – I had just moved to my old condo.

When he came over for coffee that first night, that chemistry – it was still there. And it was strong. We chatted most of the night. He finally got up off my couch at three in the morning and went home. That was it. We just talked.

As he left, I felt a twinge of sadness thinking that must have been what I had been missing. That connection. Communication. Just having someone to talk to like that.

The Heartache

I can’t summarize a decade long friendship in one blog post. There was just too much drama to even get into. And to be honest, I’m not comfortable sharing that much information about relationships. But what I learned was — open relationships aren’t all they are cracked up to be.

Someone almost ALWAYS gets hurt in the end. And usually, it’s the third person coming into the picture. I’ve been in all kinds of relationships over the years. And this is the only constant thing I learned.

I fell in love. Hard. Head over heels love. Madly, deeply, truly. To quote a cheesy 90’s song. I know that Don had feelings for me – but I don’t think they were as deep.

And when we parted ways for the first time in 2009, it broke my heart. I mean literally. I fell into a deep depression. But I was also struggling with hormones at the time and was on anti-depressants. So, it was a combination of things.

We remained friendly over the years. But I learned to not get romantically involved again. Even though the chemistry is still there. Even over texting – old habits are hard to break and flirting is hard to stop.

But — what’s that quote?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting the same results. And insanity would be giving into those old feelings. And while I can appreciate the friendship and catching up – and even staying in touch this time.

This old heart of mine just can’t take another “break up”. I’ve had one too many and one too many toxic relationships with toxic men who I thought were everything to me.

And so… my response to his casual statement about dating?

“I’m on sabbatical from love. At this point, it might be a permanent thing.”

Him: “So, you’re getting a cat now?”

Me: “Cats eat your face.”

And so, that’s where we are this new year’s day/night. Thoughts on past loves. What could go wrong with that?

Personal

Sex and the City Re-watch #2: Relationships are like comfort foods

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I woke up at 7:30 am this morning but lazed in bed until about 8:15 am when I finally crawled out of bed. I’m slowly sipping reheated coffee from yesterday and have a load of laundry going in the background while listening to a playlist I created on Spotify.

This is how my day starts off most mornings since I’ve been at home. While it’s not the same as getting up at 6:00 am as I was doing when I started this blog – it still gives me a sense of normalcy and accomplishment. Is that wrong? Thinking that getting up before nine am is a major feat?

Sex and the City Re-watch: Are relationships just comfort food?

As you know, I’ve been re-watching Sex and the City, one of my favorite shows from the late 90’s along with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and of course, Xfiles. It’s a great show even today, although some of the ideas are a little outdated. Watching the show as an older person – I find my views on characters and storylines have changed. And it’s been a very surprising revelation at just how much I have changed.

Reminiscing

I was watching old videos last night of my sister’s wedding. At the time, I was in a long -term relationship and my then boyfriend Corey, filmed the entire wedding. Everyone knew him. They loved him. Maybe even more than me. But he and I never had any passion together. We were together for the sake of just being together. After almost three years, we broke up. He wanted to “see what was out there” and I wanted more than he could give me. I also wanted to explore something that brewing inside me- something I didn’t understand at the time but would later on in life.

But watching those old videos made me reminisce about the past. They were supposed to make me feel comforted – but instead, I woke up feeling a little sad this morning.

Something is missing

I think what I miss most about being single is having someone to chat with every day. A best friend. I mean, sure, I have my girlfriends. But I don’t have anyone to share those day to day moments with. I chat often with my sister, but I can’t tell her everything going through my mind. We get along well now – but it took us a long time to get there. For one, she wouldn’t approve of this blog (or this post). Which is why I removed my last name from the site. Writing from a mostly anonymous point of view makes me feel better about sharing intimate details about love, relationships – and even sex.

I don’t miss the drama that comes with starting a new relationship. But I miss the intimacy of having a best friend to chat with and sharing life’s little or big moments with – like selling the family home. Which we did this week! I have very mixed and emotional feelings about it.

Insanity or comforting?

Sometimes I find myself writing out a passionate email to my ex and then I have to stop and remind myself – not to go down this road. I’ve been down it too many times and it’s never a healthy thing to do. I think I keep doing that because it’s familiar. It’s like comfort food -that you regret instantly.

Quote of Albert Einstein | QuoteSaga

Relationships are kind of like comfort food

You get used to having a person around and it becomes comforting. Even if the relationship is toxic or bad for you. But because you “know” that person, it’s like reaching out for an entire chocolate cake. Or like eating cake out of the garbage can – you know it’s a terrible idea but you can’t stop yourself from doing it. You like how it makes you feel at the time. You know the feeling well. You know the consequences of your actions, but on impulse, you reach out and do it anyway.

Or when the relationship ends, you find yourself going back to that person because it’s comforting. But it’s really a false comfort – like chocolate cake. And eating that cake is something that makes you feel like shit afterwards. I know. I speak from experience (both physically and metaphorically speaking). Chocolate cake is nothing but empty calories that makes you feel bloated and in some cases, you even hate yourself for eating it.

I love Miranda

It’s funny. When I was younger and watched Sex and the City, I thought that I was Carrie waiting for my Mr. Big to come around and fall madly in love with me. But now, that I’m older and wiser, I find myself identifying with Miranda more and more. Even right down to eating an entire chocolate cake for comfort. I think just goes to show how much I’ve changed since being single – by choice. Entirely, by choice.

I focused on work and became a bit of an workaholic over the years to fill that void of not being in a relationship. It did wonders for my career at the time. But now that I’m home – I’m spending too much time in my head. Too much time thinking about my past relationships. Too much time wondering – what if?

Miranda was the most level headed person on the show even during her lowest points

Miranda got the worst storylines of the show. She was a successful lawyer and even managed to become a partner in her firm. She owned her own apartment. She eventually fell in love, got married and little Brady with Steve. She moved to Brooklyn for her family and even took in Steve’s mother when she became too ill to live on her own. In the end, Miranda, really was a good person. She turned out to be the one I now, I identify most with.

And even though Miranda had some of the worst hairstyles and boyish outfits compared to the other girls, Miranda was a natural beauty in her own right. And best of all, Miranda was often the voice of reason when the girls obsessed over relationships. Miranda wanted to discuss things like world events, technology, work – anything but relationships when she was single.

And when her friends were in trouble – she would drop everything and run to them to help.

Miranda even FORGAVE Steve for cheating on her in the first movie. Do you know how hard that is to do? I know as I’ve been cheated on. Miranda, a fictional character, is a better person than I could be, as I never forgave James for how he played me all those years.

Miranda, much like me – never wanted to get married. She didn’t see herself a mom. Parenthood just kind of happened. Even the love of her life just kind of happened. And when the timing was right – she went for it. And when things got tough, she faced her fears and learned the art of forgiveness.

Did I do it all wrong? Did I miss out on my soulmate in exchange for comfort food?

Watching this show leaves me with all kinds of questions about my own love life and decisions. I’m getting too lost in my head again.

Should I have gotten married at nineteen when Rob who was living out of his truck proposed to me over the phone? Should I have run away with Steve, the trucker from Calgary who promised me summers full of romance but nothing more? Or should have I stuck it out with Trevor, the shy nerdy IT tech who professed his love for me after I played the piano for him? Even he’s now married with a young toddler.

In fact, most of the guys I dated in my younger years, are now married with kids. Even James, who said he never would get married has been married for FOUR years and has a toddler. The guy who said he would never have kids has a toddler. Let that sink in for a minute.

This spring will mark my SIXTH anniversary of being single. Sometimes I think maybe I’ve been single for too long to even welcome someone new into my life. I don’t miss obsessing over the tiniest details. I don’t miss the stress or the drama…. but…at the same time

I can’t help but wonder – is there ever a time when it becomes too late to find your soulmate?

And as I re-watch Sex and the City, through the lens of a forty something single woman, I can’t help but wonder. Am I the one who is missing out? Did I make the right choice that I needed for me at the time? How do you know when the right time is to … well, start again?

These are mostly questions I’m sending out to the universe that don’t need answers. The show reminds me of simpler times in life. Simpler relationships. Simpler days when I knew what I wanted in life.

When nights were spent with Steve riding in his big wheeler down the highway and sitting in his lap while he let me “drive” to Calgary. Then sneaking back into the house at 6:00 am the next morning. Now that was romance. Those were exciting times. I trusted my gut and spent less time in my head – I had fun and just “went with it” instead of obsessing over details.

(Steve is now living in Texas “off the grid” – the man is impossible to track down. Steve Tesse from Edmonton, if you’re reading this somehow – let me know how you’re doing)

And on that note, I’ll leave you with this scene from the show that gets me every time. Do soulmates exist? I believe in a lot of things, but soulmates? I think that’s too much pressure on a relationship. Finding that one perfect someone for the rest of your life. I mean, the task alone sounds daunting. And terrifying.

And what if – you met your soulmate, but you let him or her go? What happens then?

And for those of us that don’t believe in soulmates, is this why we turn to ex lovers, friends and boyfriends? For that old familiar feeling? To rekindle flames once lost?

Or are they just merely, comfort food?

Do you believe in soul mates? Or are relationships just comfort food?

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Sex and the City – Re-watch: “Marry someone who loves you more…”

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Every couple of years I sit down and re-watch the classic show, Sex and the City which was hugely popular in the late 90’s. Just writing this makes me feel old.

The show was a major hit on HBO at the time and it was a real trend setter. Not only for Sarah Jessica Parker’s wild fashion ensembles but any time the girls went to a real bar or club – that club would be the next biggest thing in New York City.

I always identified with Carrie throughout the series. I bounced from relationship to relationship in my younger years and would obsess over everything – it’s often why my relationships fell apart quickly. My anxiety. I would overthink things and it put too much pressure on the other person.

As you know, I love to write. I even have curly hair (naturally) like Carrie. And mostly, I passed up the opportunity to get married at a young age and dated a Mr. Big for nearly two decades – off and on.

I’ve written about James before in older posts. How he came and went as he pleased. He was almost exactly like Mr Big. – He’d make all kinds of promises and would stick around for a couple of months. But when things started getting “serious” – he’d disappear.

And he had a knack – he’d swoop on in whenever I was happy in other relationships and promise me the world. It was like radar. Either I was really happy in a relationship or really down on life and he’s just swoop right back in.

I didn’t learn until about 2012 – that I was the “other woman”. The woman he hooked up with on the weekends when he was in between relationships. And sometimes – the woman he connected with when he couldn’t see his girlfriends. I am embarassed at how long it took me to discover that this was true. And I found out this by discovering his girlfriend’s Instagram account.

He had texted me from Hawaii where he said he was living for two months. He said he wanted someone to cuddle with and that the person he was there with wasn’t the right person…yeah. Except that she was. He was on vacation for two weeks with his then girlfriend.

And the man who said he would NEVER get married, got married in 2015.

We connected briefly in person to chat about things. He apologized for being such a terrible person. He wanted to remain friends. It was just before his wedding. He said he was getting help for his “lying problem”.

I haven’t seen him since. He even lied about his wedding date. And all I can say, is good riddance. See you later.

Anyway… that’s not the point of this post. This meme is:

Every time I re-watch the series, this episode just pisses me off.

Marriage – or relationships in general are partnerships. They take work from both sides. If one person is doing more work than the other, or making more sacrifices than the other – eventually that person will resent the other.

It isn’t about how much you love someone – it’s about how you treat each other. Relationships should be about respect and equality. Compromise instead of sacrifices.

I’ve learned that you don’t have to share everything with your partner. You can have different interests and different friends – but the best relationships are when both people support each other equally. And unconditionally (within reason – if it’s healthy).

I remember fighting with James by text one day and he asked me what I wanted for him. This was fifteen years into our “casual” relationship. I said things couldn’t stay casual for ever. I was tired of being his dirty secret. I wanted to be more involved in his life – and if he couldn’t do that – we were over.

“What do you want from me? At best, I could be a part-time lover. I’m not the marrying kind.”

We got close after that discussion. Closer than ever. He was at my place on Friday nights. I cooked him dinners. We were making plans for a hiking trip together – you know, when I was in awesome shape. He told me he loved me and couldn’t imagine life without me.

And then as he always did…. he bailed. He pulled a Mr. Big and disappeared from my life.

So, if you take anything from this it’s…. Sex and the City is still an entertaining watch. But some of the ideas about love and marriage are so cringe. Like this one.

This is my sage advice for this week:

Don’t marry someone who loves you more. Marry someone you are madly, deeply in love with – someone you consider your best friend. Someone you can rely on and doesn’t make you cry. Someone who knows you for who you are and you don’t have to pretend with.

And this is why I’m….Mostly Single – and will probably stay that way.

Also, the first movie – is a guilty little pleasure. I watch it whenever I’m feeling a little lonely or need a good laugh. It’s a good movie. The second was just rubbish. I watch it every Christmas just for this scene alone. And this song makes me tear up.

Yes, it’s a cheesy movie – but sometimes you just need that. And a good cry.

I promise – I don’t write this often every day. Sometimes you just gotta write what you feel!

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Grief: if ye love me

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In my line of volunteer work with the church, I’ve play music for a lot of funerals. And because I’ve been at the church as long as I have, I’ve come to know many of the church members and they have become an extended family.

I’ve never been a highly religious person. I’m obsessed with subjects that would be looked down upon in any church – magic, supernatural, divination, alternative healing methods. I was raised Catholic but never paid much attention to it.

The church for me, is about family, food, and learning about my heritage. It’s about making new friends. And it’s pretty much my social activity for the week other than seeing my dad. It’s something that is familiar and has been my home of nearly fifteen years.

Plus, I get to play music once a week. So, that’s a bonus.

A good friend of mine at the church lost her daughter last year and a grandson. We have bonded for years over Sunday morning coffee and chat about all things in life. There are six of us – regulars who are there almost every Sunday no matter what. Even mid winter snowstorms wouldn’t keep these folks away.

But as my friends reach the ages of 80 and even 92, like my beautiful red headed friend, I’m reminded of how precious life is and how short life can be.

After she lost her daughter she said one day on Facebook, and this sentence has really stuck with me since.

“Grief, is love. It really just has no place to go.”

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Everyone says that grief eventually fades over time. But I find the older I get, that’s a lie. The more time that goes on, I seem to miss my mother more than ever. There are definitely days that are harder than others. There are days when it feels like she is right next to me watching me while I work on some project or in the kitchen – which was her favorite place to be.

Sometimes, I hear her voice in my head and go to pick up the phone and call her. Then I remember she’s gone and so I call my dad instead.

It’s been five years almost – and I don’t think gets easier. I think it gets harder as time goes on.

Younger people must have a harder time with loss. Especially children. Over time, you forget what people look or sound like. Thank goodness there are pictures and now videos to remind us of our loved ones. But what about the people we lost before technology came along?

We had a video camera in the 90s which my mum used a lot. But she used it to take videos of family. The grandkids. My sister. She rarely appeared on camera.

And that got me thinking about me. That’s me. I’m usually the one behind the camera taking pictures and I’m fine with that. But then I realized one day – hey. I don’t have kids. I don’t have a family of my very own. I don’t have something to leave behind.

I don’t have an imprint to leave on this world like my mother did with her 5 children and 9 grandchildren, and 1 great grandchild. That’s a pretty impressive resume, don’t you think? For one person? Creating a legacy that big?

And so, that’s where the inspiration behind “In Her Eyes” came from. My latest album release. It’s a 7 track album with original piano music.

On days where it seems I’m drowning in sorrow or grief, I turn to music for comfort. I sit in quiet contemplation until I hear a song that is so upbeat it gets my toes tapping and I can’t help but smile.

But for moments like this in the morning. When the world is mostly quiet and I’m sitting down with my coffee, wondering what to write about. It’s those moments that I think of my mother. It’s those moments I turn to music to quiet the ever busy mind.

It’s those moments that I get lost in the sounds of violins, cellos, classical guitar, piano and elegant choir voices that sound like angels. It’s these moments that I realize that grief will eventually pass and lead to something — more.

Music is magical. Music has healing powers. Music speaks to the soul. Music – like this. Sacred music shakes you to the core and makes you think about everything you’ve ever done in your life.

This music doesn’t just speak to your soul. It comes from the inner soul. It comes from the heart. It’s the music of angels.